Sunday, May 31, 2009

Hope

This morning, Shane went to church. Luke and I went to the playground. I used to go to church, but I haven't gone very much at all since I was pregnant with Luke. The pastor made some comments that I felt went against what I believed, went against why I wanted to go to church, so I don't go regularly any more. Oh, and I know that isn't what church is about, but I'm stubborn and maybe that's a fault, but it's who I am.

Today has been a day, though, where I probably needed to go to church. Instead, I found hope, solace, spirituality in the warm sunshine. With one sweet child laughing and running around the playground, and another kicking in my belly. This time of year is always so hard for me, so hard that all I can do is reach within myself to find the hope that some year, it'll get easier. That I'll find pieces of myself that have been lost over the years, that someday, I won't even have to reach for that hope, because it'll be right there.

11 comments:

CityStreams said...

What on earth did he say? Why don't y'all just find a new church? We had to stay home today because Bridoodle and I are sick but I've been itching to get back to my crazy, wild Sunday School class. We've missed the past few weekends due to traveling.

Our class is full of young couples (ahem, young being under forty and over 25) and we spend most of the hour laughing hysterically. Without fail the wives interrupt their husbands every week. It's such a fun group to be in. Wish you could come with us!

Julie said...

As I'm sure you'd imagine, I've had my ins and outs with a few religious leaders, and, as you know, I don't so much go to services at all for much the same reason as you describe and because I haven't gotten to a point in my life yet where I feel like I need to go. (And I'm stubborn).

However, I have also watched friends and family who very devoutly attend church/synagogue battle with themselves and the church when regime changes take place or when the minister/pastor/priest/rabbi begins touting ideals they do not support. My grandparents, for example, had been active and devout members of the same church for nearly 50 years. My grandparents are also some of the few real Christians I know. However, their pastor retired and a new guy was brought in who has changed the focus of the church so much they finally felt they had to leave. So, now they are in their 70s and they are struggling to find somewhere they belong and can worship.

What’s my point? My point is this:

A playground and a few hours to spend with your child without interruption or phone calls or whatever is the best kind of worship I can imagine. It has no politics, no contrary opinions, and those hours will never be counted as lost.

Mount a cross on the swing set and declare it the Church of Erin.

But you know, I’m a heathen, so……. ;-)

anymommy said...

There are lots of ways to pray, connect and take stock and spending time in the sun with your beautiful children qualifies every time in my book.

Erin said...

God met you right where you were.

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I love Erin's comment.

Steph

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

I also agree with Erins comment. Nuff said!

Mike said...

And you will.

Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com
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kristin said...

Know what? I love you. And I hope someday you will wake up one morning in july, and realize that the whole month of june flew by without you even realizing it. and until then, i will be here every single day of may and june and all the months thereafter.

Sharon - Mom Generations said...

Teaching for so many years gave me great insight into the souls of such a diverse group of people... young people in particular... searching for hope and light and answers. I often asked students to bring in quotes of favorite passages from their books of worship, from songs, from life. One of the most beautiful and simple is this: Walk tall as the trees; live strong as the mountains; be gentle as the spring winds; keep the warmth of summer in your heart, and the Great Spirit will always be with you. Anon Native American

You, with your beautiful gifts of Shane, Luke and your new miracle know this "hope, solace, spirituality in the warm sunshine." God, the Great Spirit, or whomever you believe is within you and this radiates each day to each one you touch. Thank you for this moving post.

Heather D said...

Spirituality is where YOU find it. I personally have never found it at a church. And I have tried.
Your little playground place of worship sounds like just the ticket...

Guinevere Meadow said...

I think it's important that you feel comfortable with the pastor of your church. I DO think it's important to belong to a local church, so I can hope you can find a new place to grow spiritually and be surrounded by people with the same beliefs and values.