Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I'm No Super(wo)man

Despite my blog title, I'm not a superhero. Despite my own beliefs, I'm NOT a superhero. I'm not, and I have to tell that to myself.

The past two days, I've had a headache that can be described as somewhere between "maybe it's a tumor" and "OH GOD KILL ME PLEASE!" I get migraines, so I'm used to dealing with these, but I'm not used to them last overnight. This one did. This one lasted through a desperate attempt at Tylenol with codeine at 1AM. This one lasted through the night, and at 7AM, I did what I so rarely do: I called my parents and begged for help. Actually, I didn't have to beg, they came over within 35 minutes of my calling. I felt like a failure, lying in bed with both boys. I knew they both had wet diapers, but I couldn't even sit up to change them. And while there are worse mothers in the world--far worse--it was awful for me.

My parents came and changed diapers and pitched in while I slept. When I woke up, my mom was ready to take me to urgent care, but I chased the headache enough away. I'm still achy and a little lingering headache is still there, but I'm better.

While lying there in pain, I realized that, you know, I just had a baby 7.5 weeks ago. I realized that I never gave myself time to recover. I didn't. I had such an easy birth and such an easy physical recovery that I jumped back into working out, going out, cleaning, and all of those things that maybe were too much. I like doing all of those things (okay, except cleaning), but I need to step back, I think. I never like to have people over because my house is not very big and I have to clean it and it's out of the way, but maybe I need to do things like this more often. And maybe I need to stay in my pajamas more often.

Because when I think of how poorly I've taken care of myself lately, I want to cry. When I think of how I make sure Luke gets three meals a day, but do I ever? Or do I just snack as I go along? And when was the last time I took a vitamin? It's true that with the second baby, you don't get the help you did with the first. We didn't get nearly as many dinners or house cleanings, and that's completely okay. But what's not okay is that I took it on myself to make up for all that. What's not okay is that I should have spent so many days lying in bed with my new baby, and instead, I pushed myself to a point where I have headaches that don't go away and jeans that are too big and I'm so tired that I could fall over at any minute and I'm still finding it so hard to just take a deep breath and let it all go, to let myself just sit still and just BE.

Because even now, as I'm typing this and brushing at tears, I'm eyeballing the kitchen table that needs to be cleaned. It'll still be messy in the morning, though, and right now, I'm going to give a kiss to the two year old that's still awake... and then I'm going to snuggle down with a sleeping baby. And starting tomorrow, I'm going to work on recovering.

26 comments:

Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

So important. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your little ones. My mantra:
"Cobwebs, stop your calling. Dust bunnies, go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."

Bacardi Mama said...

I think the fact that you realize what you've been doing is the first step. Now, listen to your own good advice and take care of you. You'll be so happy that you did. Those sweet little boys need a well rested, well fed mommy. I promise you they aren't going to remember if the house was spic and span or not.

Cameron said...

I'm glad for you that you figured this out and are changing to take care of you! I love the quotation above. Stay in your pajamas and soak up the love of your babies! Thinking of you and sending hugs!

Becca said...

Ugh - I get migraines, as well, and I completely understand where you're coming from.

It sounds like you have the right idea... Sleep with the baby and let the kitchen table stay messy. You don't need to clean it... it'll just get dirty again, right?

imadramamama said...

Take care of you! The adjustment from 1 to 2 is hard. You can do this. Just remember to give yourself little breaks and ask for help. It'll get better.

april said...

Of course, I don't have kids, so I can't begin to imagine, but I do know what it's like to be so sick that you have to call on your parents. I hate it.

{{HUGS}} Feel better, friend! And wait-you said I could stay with you! ;o)

Fidgeting Gidget said...

I haven't been lucky enough to have kids yet, but my sister in law had this same problem when she went from one to two kids. She was so busy worrying about everyone else that she didn't take care of herself and she got VERY VERY sick. It took a few weeks to recover. So please please please take care of yourself!

Julie said...

I send you hugs. And an official command to slow down. I wish I lived closer so I could help! (Of course, you know when I take other people's children I feed them junk food and let them do everything they are otherwise forbidden to do). ;-)

Mom of Three said...

Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry... I wish I could help! You need to rest yourself. I know its no good telling you the cleaning isnt more important than you - you know that! But think about Tommy - he's going to be absorbing your anxiety or peace. Make yourself more important, for his sake.

Crooked Eyebrow said...

Like I told you last night when we chatted, you aren't remembering to take time out for you.

Pack your snacks and lunches ahead of time, set an alarm and stop and eat.

I'm worried about you and I have no problem draggin my large pregnant ass over to punch you. Out of love of course.

So, I'm hoping that today starts a new step in you remembering to take care of you, so you can take care of your boys.

smooches and holler if you need anything!

mommy boo of two said...

YES, you need to do this for you! No matter how good you feel you'd be amazed at how much better you'll feel when you plop down on the couch. I'm the exact same way when it comes to wanting my house clean and picked up all the time and just want to stay caught up (bc it's so easy to get behind). But those few couple months you need to relax more than what you normally would. Not necessarily because you want to, but because you need to. You might actually get used to it :) Once you are physically ready to 'get back to work' you'll know.

Sara Joy said...

Ummm, can I note the irony that you put up a blog post about resting when you should have been resting?
Not picking on you, just relating because I do it too.
Please, stop. Eat. Rest. Love on the boys.
Don't worry about the blogging, we'll all be here when you are better. :)
{{HUGS}} amd take care,
SJ

katandkarl said...

please don't think i am out of line here but i am the girl who had a similar unexpected home birth and i must say i can relate to this post very much. (though i just have one child.) After my fast and easy delivery, EVERYONE was all YOU'RE SO AWESOME! you're amazing-ican'tbelieve-it you-have-super-human powers. EVERYONE. ALL THE TIME. and they all wanted to hear my birth story over and over. and so i think i started to feel superhuman like that - like I CAN DO ANYTHING! I DONT NEED HELP. LOOK HOW AWESOME I AM! I DONT NEED SLEEP. BOOSH. WATCH ME!

until i realized i did need some help and some sleep! i don't really have a point here, just I feel like I GET this post down to its core AND i hope you have some 'you' time soon!

InTheFastLane said...

Yes!!!!
You can only do so much. Good for you for realizing it. It usually takes me too long, as well.

Leah said...

ERIN! I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. please let me know what i can do from afar to help. i wish i was there. it would be nice to help keep care of each other.

two hours is never to far away if you need me, though. never ever. please let me know how you are doing. i feel that i have disconnected from life a bit. and i miss you and just want to know you are doing alright. and i am getting sappy about this, but seriously!

Abra said...

Oh, Erin. I love your honesty here. And it is just a good reminder for all of us. That we have to take care of ourselves first. Especially after having a baby- like you. Rest. Stay in your p.j.s. Eat. Relax. That's an order. :)

Elaine A. said...

Oh hon, I hope you get to feeling better and take it easy. The house can be cleaned later. Rest up as much as you can. Big hugs. Wish I could give them in person...

Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry said...

Oh my God, ALLELUIA, I am so glad, SO GLAD you had this epiphany.

Sending you love and encouragement, hugs and chocolate donuts and for the LOVE OF GOD, skip your workouts for just two weeks, would you?

Love you, babe. Take care of you. K?

Mrs. Cline said...

Everything everyone else said, plus an extra hug. Lots of love for you, Erin. So proud of you for taking time for you.

I'll be over your way tomorrow, and if you need ANYTHING, please let me know.

Love.

anymommy said...

Yes, do that. Promise? Slow and steady. Don't run full speed until you crash. Dirty tables while you love on your babies and rest are a badge of honor.

katy said...

First time at your blog. Love it!

Stillmary said...

I'm so glad for your revelation and I hope you really do take heed. Please rest, relax, and treat yourself as well as you treat everyone else. Also you might think about getting some Imitrex. I know it's better to treat the cause than the symptoms but sometimes the cause gets a jump on us. I have three daughters who get migraines and they all swear by it.

Kristen said...

Oh Erin, I am sorry :( But you need to take care of yourself. When I had Haley, my recovery was so easy that I wen walking for 2 hours in the mall 2 weeks after I had her. The next day I paid for it. I mean P.A.I.D for it! I realized I had to take it very easy, and accept help.

Feel better hun :)

Scrapingirl said...

You are of no use to anyone else if you're not taken care of yourself. I'm starting to realize that now, and mine are 7 and 9. You need to heal and sleep more. But now that you realize it, you will be more apt to do it.

The Fritz Facts said...

Oh Erin! I am so sorry you are not feeling well, migranes are awful (I get them too). I always get them when I let myself get run down, and not take care of myself as well. It isn't easy being Mom and allowing ourselves time to recover from something as HUGE as child birth.

The night I got home with Boo, we threw a birthday party for Hunter...I paid for it for almost a week.

I hope you get some much needed rest, and take some down time each day.

Such The Spot said...

I hope that now, six days later, you are following through with that promise to recover. You need that. And I might have to come beat you up if you don't get some actual meals in you!