Tuesday, September 1, 2009

All's Fair

So, you may have gathered that I really enjoy eating. And I totally get it when people are like, Why don't you weigh 500 pounds, you JERK? because I should, but unfortunately (or fortunately) there's no justice in this world. I love food so much that I sometimes go to Google images just to look at pictures of food. Oh, and also, I think that in Heaven, you have to eat, but everything is calorie free, so you can eat chocolate chip cookies EVERY DAY and never gain a pound. Also, in Heaven, chocolate chip cookies are always fresh, hot out of the oven.

Let's say that someone threw a bunch of money at me, while holding a gun to my head and insisting that I open a restaurant (someone do that, please). I wouldn't open a pizza parlor or an Italian restaurant. No, I'd open a restaurant that serves nothing but fair food ALL YEAR LONG. After tweeting about my idea awhile back when Beth (p.s. SHE'S PREGNANT!) tweeted about an elephant ear delivery service, I was informed that such a restaurant does exist somewhere in my state. Until I get to go there, though, I don't totally believe that such a magical place could exist.

So anyway, my restaurant. I think I'd call it Charpie's Carnival Emporium, and it'd be the tackiest place ever. Flashing lights, little plastic ferris wheels, you name it. 90% of the menu will, of course, be deep fried, with the other 10% being the usual fair goodies. Lemon shakeups, cotton candy, giant turkey legs (even though turkeys and I are sworn enemies, I recognize that many people enjoy eating them), all that deliciousness. And all of it would be available on a stick. Here's the best part, though. My restaurant would also have a martini bar, and not just because I really like my drinks. Think about it for a second. Martinis are delicious, fair food is delicious... it's a match made in Heaven! (I also think that the real Heaven has all the alcohol you can drink, but you only feel the effects of it if you want... oh, and no hangovers.)

If this place opened up down the street from you, you'd be there on opening night, right? Now quick, someone throw cash at me and make me open this restaurant!

15 comments:

imadramamama said...

I'll be there...but only if you PROMISE there will be fried mozzarella on a stick.

~love said...

i would SO be there!

and where is this place you speak of in our state. when are we road tripping there?!

Bobbi Janay said...

I would totally drive to visit your restaurant if you opened one.

Cameron said...

1) Elephant Ears would only be as good as the Elephant Ears at Saturday Market in Portland, Oregon. I don't know what this crap dough is that's accepted in many parts of the country, but puhhhh-lease, it is not nearly as good as what I grew up with. PLEASE, ERIN, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, make sure your restaurant knows how to make proper Elephant Ears.

2) Also, if you're smart, you will have someone interview the women who work at the Lions' booth at the Oregon State Fair, who make scones. BEST SCONES EVER IN MY LIFE. Please do not skimp on this.

3) Anything else you do EVER IN YOUR LIFE, if you do the above two things, I will do whatever you want for the rest of your days. I will work at your restaurant and fetch you Dunkin' Donuts.

4) Oh, also, I want permission to sniff Tommy's head. What is better than a new-baby-head-pheromone-sniff? NOTHING. That scent is MADE BY GOD so that we love babies, and there is NOTHING BETTER ON EARTH.

So, do we have a deal? :)

Heather D said...

That is the best idea I've heard in a while! I'd eat there, for sure!
I'm going to the fair tomorrow. I heard they have FRIED TWINKIES. If they are, I'm totally getting one. Even if everyone else thinks I'm gross.
But I think someone made that up just to torture me...

Sharon - Mom Generations said...

Only if you have an entire section dedicated to dough boys. And gallon shakers of powdered sugar to sprinkle on the dough boys. And because Barry is Portuguese, could you please have linguica and chourice sandwiches with fried peppers? And beer. You don't have to mix the martini drinkers with the beer drinkers if you don't want to, of course.

And oh... can you have livestock judging right next to the fudge? And magic mirrors that make us look super tall and skinny?

Charpie's Carnival Emporium sounds like a winner to me!

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Here is some money...oh, sorry that's fake. Well, anyhow, I would if I had the money and then I'd curse you because I'd get even fatter than I am and my Weight Watchers would be right in the toilet!

Mendie said...

Deep fried snickers please! That is an awesome idea...people pay big money for that stuff!

To Think is to Create said...

I've still never been to the fair! I'm pretty sure I'd gain weight just looking at the food (in fact...YEP there's another pound on my hips. just thinking about it works, too), because my body is the opposite of yours.

I like things fried and naughty, so I think I'd like it IF I ever do go.

The Fritz Facts said...

Someone said donuts...must have mini donuts! Lord Alive those are pure heaven. Fresh...hot...and COVERED in sugar. Now I need to go back to the fair again.

I love fair food. Down the street or not I will be there!

Jenni Jiggety said...

I would totally go to your restaurant! I might even buy a franchise! We'd be rich. RICH!

Elaine A. said...

All I know is a martini sounds REALLY good right now. Or a glass of wine, or a beer... sorry, it's been a while... ;-)

designHER Momma said...

you make me laugh. Feel free to skip the chocolate covered bacon on your menu. It will not be a crowd pleaser, I know.

Julie said...

We've had this discussion before-- we need to attach your store to my 24-7 cake depot (w/ delivery service) and we can take over the world.

corrin said...

There used to be a place like that in Broad Ripple in Indy. Sadly, it closed a few years ago.