So, you may have gathered that I really enjoy eating. And I totally get it when people are like, Why don't you weigh 500 pounds, you JERK? because I should, but unfortunately (or fortunately) there's no justice in this world. I love food so much that I sometimes go to Google images just to look at pictures of food. Oh, and also, I think that in Heaven, you have to eat, but everything is calorie free, so you can eat chocolate chip cookies EVERY DAY and never gain a pound. Also, in Heaven, chocolate chip cookies are always fresh, hot out of the oven.
Let's say that someone threw a bunch of money at me, while holding a gun to my head and insisting that I open a restaurant (someone do that, please). I wouldn't open a pizza parlor or an Italian restaurant. No, I'd open a restaurant that serves nothing but fair food ALL YEAR LONG. After tweeting about my idea awhile back when Beth (p.s. SHE'S PREGNANT!) tweeted about an elephant ear delivery service, I was informed that such a restaurant does exist somewhere in my state. Until I get to go there, though, I don't totally believe that such a magical place could exist.
So anyway, my restaurant. I think I'd call it Charpie's Carnival Emporium, and it'd be the tackiest place ever. Flashing lights, little plastic ferris wheels, you name it. 90% of the menu will, of course, be deep fried, with the other 10% being the usual fair goodies. Lemon shakeups, cotton candy, giant turkey legs (even though turkeys and I are sworn enemies, I recognize that many people enjoy eating them), all that deliciousness. And all of it would be available on a stick. Here's the best part, though. My restaurant would also have a martini bar, and not just because I really like my drinks. Think about it for a second. Martinis are delicious, fair food is delicious... it's a match made in Heaven! (I also think that the real Heaven has all the alcohol you can drink, but you only feel the effects of it if you want... oh, and no hangovers.)
If this place opened up down the street from you, you'd be there on opening night, right? Now quick, someone throw cash at me and make me open this restaurant!