Monday, October 22, 2012

if and only

Hi, neglected blog. There are so many days that I want to sit down and write, but I don't have the time. I really don't. I hate it. Life is just so busy. I don't understand this season. Every weekend is packed. There are Halloween parties and birthday parties and long runs and when will life slow down? And then the week days are full of work and kids and more work.

I want to tell you how Luke is doing in Kindergarten. How full day has been more of an adjustment for him than I realized. How he's reading and sounding out words and it's really precious, but how I worry for his gentle heart sometimes.

I want to tell you how Tommy is doing without his brother by his side all the time. How sweet it is when they're reunited, but also how they fight so much sometimes that it makes me absolutely crazy.

I want to tell you what work is like, how sometimes I feel like a first year teacher all over again because I'm having to learn to restructure some things I do in the classroom with Indiana's new evaluation system. That's not a bad thing, necessarily, but it can be a stressful thing. I want to tell you how I did a discussion on The TellTale Heart and it spanned two days and my students got into a real, logical argument on whether or not the narrator was actually insane. I was so proud of them.

I want to tell you how my training plan is going. I want to tell you how I've run 13 miles twice and how I've run over 13 miles twice, how I ran 15 miles last weekend and it was HARD, but I've learned to push myself through pain and sore legs and how that is not something I could ever do before. How I have learned new limits as a runner and even if I run my next half marathon in the exact same time as my last half marathon, it'll be worth it because I feel so much more stronger.

I want to tell you how I miss my husband because all of the above takes up so much time and how I so desperately wish we had more time to just go out to dinner and reconnect. Last night we watched a TV show and he rubbed my feet while I ate ice cream. It was wonderful.

I want to expand on all of this. If only there was time, but hey look, it's 3:45 and I'm off to Luke's parent-teacher conference. I'm kind of nervous. It's scary to be on the parent side of things after so many years on the teacher side of things. I want to tell you more about that feeling... if only there was time.


nicole said...

I don't even work outside the home and I feel like this. I hope you have time to write more eventually.

Training has been more challenging for me this time around. I sometimes am resentful of the time it takes to get the long runs in, even though I enjoy the runs.

Stephanie Wilson she/her @babysteph said...

I'm so glad you shared because it's good to "hear" from you and how things are going. I hope the dust settles soon and you find more time waiting for you!


Unknown said...

Oh man, The Telltale Heart. That was surely an interesting book.

And oh hey, Hi! Good to hear from you. And WOW on the running. You're doing amazing. When is your next race again?

Take care, sweet friend!

anymommy said...

Yes, I know this pressure and pull and pain. Too much good in our lives is a good thing I suppose? Loved the update, however brief.

Corrina said...

I hear ya. Thanksgiving Break coming up soon, right?!

Anonymous said...

I think this is exactly the post I needed to read. There are so many times I want to sit down and write -- to update my LJ with all of the neat things the Little Bear is doing, to put down some more words on my current works in progress, to vent about things that are bothering me professionally and personally -- but there's just no time. I want to capture in words the sweet moments as well as the not so sweet ones, but I barely have time to get photos on my computer anymore. So, really, thanks for letting me see that other moms (especially other working moms) have the same problem.

Also, WOW you're doing AWESOME with the runs!!