Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Food And Resolve

I have no will power when it comes to food. None at all. You can set a plate of brownies on the counter in front of me and I will think to myself, "I resolve to eat none of these brownies. I'm not hungry." And then two seconds later, I'll be like, "I resolve to only eat one of these brownies. One brownie is okay." And then five seconds later, I will have eaten THE WHOLE PLATE (I eat really fast) of brownies. The worst part is that I'm not even sure what happened. I'll have brownie crumbs in my hair and I'll be shaking from the sugar and looking dumbly at the empty plate thinking, What just happened here?
Still, despite my general lack of sanity around food, I thought it'd take a little longer for me to eat my New Year's resolution of eating a Big Mac.

My lack of never eating a Big Mac has nothing to do with being a vegetarian or even having a healthy diet, because I don't. Instead, my mom followed the health food craze before it was a craze, so even though I grew up in the 80s when no one really cared about trans fat and fries were fried in lard, I never ate at McDonald's. Ever. (We also did not have sugary cereal, I WAS SO DEPRIVED.) In fact, the first time I ate at McDonald's, I was in 3rd grade and with a friend. I didn't know what to order for breakfast, so I ordered one donut (do they still have donuts at McDonald's?) and her family laughed at me while they enjoyed their Egg McMuffin's and hash browns. Jerks.
Growing up, I still didn't eat at McDonald's much, except for the occasional french fry. It just wasn't something I did. Also, I never really liked burgers of any sort until I was pregnant with Luke and CRAVED bacon cheeseburgers like they were going out of style (thankfully I still love them). I just don't want you guys to think that I avoided it because I had food standards or something. I don't. I once ate a Junior Mint off the sidewalk.

It still isn't really something we do, except maybe for breakfast or when we're traveling or when I'm in desperate need of junk food, so I just don't get much of an opportunity to eat a Big Mac. However, last week, I unexpectedly took Luke to the doctor and went to fill a prescription, only to be told that it'd be a 45 minute wait (which actually turned into a NINETY minute wait, thanks Walgreens), so to fill the interim, I decided to take Luke and let him play at the play place (please note, he had an infection of the boy parts--he was not contagious or spreading germs through the play place) and of course, how could I not go ahead and fill my Big Mac quota for the year?


And then, three minutes later (I told you I eat fast):

That picture is blurry, because I was busy shoveling french fries into my mouth. So, what did I think? It was so fabulously junky and delicious that I'm kind of sad that I didn't eat one ten years ago, back when I weighed 100 pounds and could get away with eating a Big Mac more often. My only regret is that I did not listen to those of you who told me to get extra sauce. My other regret is that in shoving the whole burger in my mouth at once, I did not get to enjoy it better. But as far as fast food burgers go? I kind of want to fill a room with Big Macs so that I'm forced to eat my way through them to get out of the room. Am I the only one that fantasizes about having to eat my way out of a room filled with food? I hope not.


Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry said...

Oh man, this post is one of my all time favorites EVER.

Things I've witnessed:
You eating desserts faster than anything I've ever seen in my life.

You eating the junior mint off of the sidewalk.

You eating like a starved prisoner. Yes, I realize you did not mention this, but still, I've witnessed this like a million times.

Ryley @ That's My Family! said...

AWESOME. I knew you'd love it.

laura said...

this is the funniest thing i've read in a while. thank you.

the junior mint: was it yours, or did you see it and eat it? i have to know.

Heather of the EO said...

I love Big Macs. I try not to tell people that. But it's the sauce...

and I cannot believe I've never asked for extra sauce!!!

I might get in the car now.

Anna said...

This post made me so happy! I'm so happy that you were able to fulfill that resolution so quickly! ;) I *LOVE* Big Macs but very rarely get them. Now you have me craving one.

I am impressed with the speed that you eat a desserts. I love desserts so much that I take my time.

Stephanie Wilson she/her @babysteph said...

Oh my goodness this explains A LOT (your upbringing) LOL.

I have never had a Big Mac and your post has done nothing to sway me... you can have mine!


MamaBear said...

I just knew you'd love it!

I've more than made up for my lack of McDonald's as a kid (I was in the same camp as you - no sugar cereal and my mom bought GENERIC cherrios. SO gross!

I wouldn't have gotten through any of my pregnancies without McDonalds. I would have to move if I were like you and didn't have one in town!

Sam - bacon ranch salads
Julua - fries (then I took a break for 4 yrs until...
BabyBear - fries and coke (by the gallon, but don't tell my OB)

Cameron said...

I was thinking what Steph was! LOL! Ditto on her whole comment. :)

The Many Thoughts of a Reader said...

yay! big mac's are awesome. i am fully using my pregnancy as my reason for eating them ahha.

adg said...

OMG. Please tell me I wasn't the friend! I think I'd remember, and my family rarely had McDonald's for breakfast. BUT IT COULD BE!

Unknown said...

This just makes me want one. And I loathe McDonald's these days. Except for their hot fudge sundaes. Those rock.

Love said...


and i kept waiting for you to say that you listened and got the extra special sauce. oh man.

Crooked Eyebrow said...

Something told me you would love it.

You ate a junior mint of the sidewalk, what?

I think the fastest thing I have ever see you eat was the bacon cheeseburger at redamaks.

now that was fast.

InTheFastLane said...

Very awesome.
i am not a vegetarian, but tend to avoid meat because of what it does to my stomach - but in general, I don't think people should be afraid of foods...enjoy them, maybe moderation is a good idea and all that (except when it comes to dessert...and margaritas) but trying something new? Good for you! And I think your mom and my mom may have been friends.

Kate at Big City Belly said...

Can I just say that we NEVER had sugar cereal in the house either. I think it scarred me.

Lyndsay said...

YAY!! I am ridiculously, frighteningly happy for you!!

And my mouth watered the whole damn time I read this post.

Abra Clampitt said...

you know i'm a food junkie with you, right? seriously, i can.not resist food temptation.

we should have an eat off, it would be a close call.

but, i'm not so sure about the big mac. in fact, i don't think i have ever had one. mcdonalds, yes, big mac, no. did you know i go to the big yellow arch almost daily to get a large coke? no lie.

keli [at] kidnapped by suburbia said...

i KNEW you would love it!!! all of those fools on twitter who said big macs were gross are dumb.

okay, not really.

but big macs are delicious.

and since i just found out that junior mints are dairy free, i ate 2 big boxes of them this weekend. i think i gave emma 3. ken didn't get any.

once again, i ate 2 boxes.

hello, we are separated at birth.

Debra said...

I don't want to worry you, but the only time my vegetarian self ever ate a Big Mac? Was when I was pregnant, but didn't know it yet. Although that should have been a pretty big clue. ;)

kaitlin johnston said...

haha I really need to try one of those things ! I grew up on mcdonalds. My mom would take us there probably 2-5 times a week. No joke. None of us are over weight or ever have been, but she loves the food. (that's really putting it lightly). She's like Abra, she craves the fountain pop and whatever it is about the food. I rarely eat there anymore, not bc i don't enjoy it mostly bc i try to eat at home and not spend so much money on going out and i try to stay somewhat healthy. :/

and i need to know about the junior mint as well .. was it yours or one that was just laying there ?!

congrats on accomplishing a new years resolution !

Anonymous said...

But did you know that you can order the Big Mac sauce on any burger? Turns a little cheeseburger into a total treat!

Martina said...

YUM!!! That picture has me salivating! I think a weekend treat of a Big Mac is in order.

Also, you WERE deprived when you were younger! Maybe that's why you love sugar so much now :) And- what sane person can say no to brownies?!?! Love this post.

PorkStar said...

This was such a good read, it made me crave a greasy burger.

I am also a fast eater, but when it comes to junk food, i savor every single blood clogging ingredient of it.

Kristin said...

first, i am so like this when it comes to food. no self control at all. if you set a plate of something i like in front of me, i will eat it. probably in record time. (and then i'll look up and notice that no one else is finished, and be like "well, crap. now what am i supposed to do?")

also, we were NOT a family that avoided fast food. we didn't have it all the time or anything, but if we were traveling or out and about for some reason, mcd's wasn't that uncommon. so i've been eating mcdonald's since the days when we'd have to pull over to the side and wait, because my sister and i ordered (gasp) plain cheeseburgers. (this, of course, was much too exotic for them to anticipate a need for ahead of time, so we always, always had to wait).

still, i have never had a big mac. probably because i am still a picky eater and still order plain cheeseburgers. so despite the fact that i eat fast food much much more often than you seem to... i'm kind of happy that, for once, that doesn't look appealing to me at all. :p i have no problems clogging my arteries with crap, so it's kind of a good thing when i don't find something new i can't resist. ;p

but i'm glad you tried it! and that you liked it!

Kaycee said...


Oh fabulous.

Also? The junior mint aside made me laugh. :)

Allyson said...

So now I just sent my husband out for a big mac... way to tempt the pregnant lady