I'll be 30 soon. Just a few weeks from now, my age rolls over into a new decade.
I'm not really one that fears getting older. My 8th grader students found me horribly old, even when I was only 23. Each year, they only find me older and more out of touch. I'm okay with that. I remember thinking my teachers were impossibly ancient, too. So it's not really that I'm afraid of getting older, going forward. It's just that I'm a little afraid of what I'll leave behind.
My 20s were big. They were busy and they seemed to last a very long time, which makes it even harder to believe that they're nearly over. I got engaged. I graduated college. Got married and settled into a house that didn't belong to my parents. I got my first real teaching job, with insurance and a 401k plan. We made a plan to have children. I got pregnant. Grew in so many ways and made decisions for someone other than me in a big, significant way. I had a baby, a son. I fell in love in ways that I never knew possible. I went back to work, made decisions about childcare and cried over missing someone in ways that I never knew possible. I watched a baby grow into a boy, then I had another baby.
Again, I grew and loved in ways I never knew possible. I learned what it was like to have a child with medical problems, to hold a child and pray that you get to see him grow into adult. I didn't like that part of my 20s, but like other dark parts of life, it shaped me. It made me into the person I am now. I cried a lot. I felt rock bottoms that I didn't know were there, but I climbed out of them. I started running. I ran a half marathon. I believed in myself in ways I never knew possible.
Still, I don't want to be one of those people who looks back and says, "My 20s were the best time of my life, everything was so big and real then." I guess that's what I'm afraid of, of everything just being status quo from here on out. I know that's silly, but how do you really top a decade that holds so much?
Linking up with Heather of the EO's Just Write