Brave Sanctuary

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart." Helen Keller

I wish you all the happiest of holidays, with lots of love from the three (four!) of us.

Where I'll Be

Whenever I'm busy busy BUSY, I make a list. It always helps. It should make me feel overwhelmed, but it doesn't because when I finish a task, I can cross it off the list. I also always try to put fun things on the list because no matter how busy you are, you still need to have fun! Truthfully, I'm behind where I should be because I've developed this rather unproductive habit of falling asleep no later than 8 every night. Sometimes still fully clothed...

Full

To clarify yesterday's post, my quiet calm was not a photo of a gummy bear in a storm, but rather, a perfect little baby. A perfect little baby that just happens to be chillaxin' in my uterus RIGHT NOW.

I know! Can you believe it? Because I hardly can. I am 10 weeks and some odd change pregnant, and it still hasn't sunk in. Two positive pregnancy tests, one perfect heartbeat, and I still want to pinch myself.

Monday I told my midwife, "It's just as amazing the second time." And IT IS. Seeing the little baby with a flickering heartbeat? Amazing. Waiting to get bigger and lose this beer belly look? Amazing. Waiting for that endorphin rush after birth and the chance to hold a new baby against my skin? Amazing. Preparing to breastfeed a brand new baby? Amazing!

I am due July 16th. I'm a little disappointed that I won't make it BlogHer when it is SO CLOSE, but I'd rather have a baby than BlogHer, obviously! We are not finding out the sex. With Luke, I felt he was a boy the moment I had a positive test. This time? I just don't know. I keep waiting for that instinct, but it hasn't yet kicked in. At this point, planning a natural hospital birth with the same midwife and doula I used last time.

I can sum it all up in three words: I Can't WAIT.

A Quiet Calm

Lately I've felt enveloped by a sense of total peace. It's been wonderful. That's not that say that I'm not stressed and busy and rushed by the season, because I am. But more than that, much more than that, I'm so overwhelmed by how lucky I am. I can explain some of that feeling, but I can't explain how or why it's so strong right now. I suppose some things simply cannot be explained, so without looking for the explanation, I will just be greatly that I'm filled with such a force now.

At night, I sit in the glow of the Christmas tree lights, and I can't imagine being anywhere but here. I can't imagine being anyone other than myself. There are things I'd love to change, but they're superficial. Everything that really matters, everything at the core and heart of life, I would not change for the world.

In this holiday season, it is my wish for all of you that you can find your sense of peace, your quiet calm, and your own understanding of how gloriously lucky you are.


This is my quiet calm.