Wednesday, December 28, 2011

that little voice

My New Year's resolution is to not listen to that little voice. You know, the one in the back of your head that tells you all sorts of nasty things. That you weigh too much, you're not cute enough, that you're just not good enough for a million and one silly reasons. Why are we our own worst critics?

That little voice nearly got the best of me on Tuesday when I headed into a heavy snow to run. By the second mile, I was miserable. My shirts were soaked through with snow, it kept getting into my eyes, and I was worried about my phone getting ruined with all the moisture. But the worst part is that I wasn't listing off these reasons in my head. Instead I was thinking, "This is so dumb. I'm not even a real runner. Only real runners should be out in this. I'm just pretending." And so on. It was awful and dumb. I ran past the gas station and people were looking at me like I was nuts, and I thought, "They're totally like, 'that girl is so slow. who is she fooling?'" And yeah, they WERE thinking I was nuts, but I'm sure they weren't thinking it like that.

I finally stopped and ignored the little voice. Partly because I was three miles from home by that point, so I might as well just keep running, but partly because I forced myself to ignore it. Even if I'm not a real runner, even if I really didn't HAVE to go out and run Tuesday morning, I did. I dodged snow plow spray and stuck to sidewalks to avoid fishtailing cars. I had so much snow on me that I had top and brush off my fuel belt every mile or so. My hair was soaking wet by the time I was finished. The tracks I left at mile one were almost filled in by the time I ran back past them at mile six.

Mile seven put me right in front of my house, and I was so glad to get inside and take a hot shower. But more than that, I'm glad I ignored that nasty little voice.

Tell me, what does your little voice tell you? I bet it isn't true.

17 comments:

Meghan said...

Running in a snow storm in late December? Honey, you ARE a runner, make no mistake about it!

quicklikeabunny said...

That little voice is such a nag. Good for you for shutting it down this week! Mine seems to constantly tell me that I'm not good enough - running, mothering, working, anything. It's a good day when I can shut it up.

Foursons said...

Oh but my dear, you ARE a runner! Don't ever believe otherwise.

Bari said...

I'm so glad you told that little voice to STFU, because you my dear ARE a runner.

keli [at] kidnapped by suburbia said...

my voice tells me that i could NEVER run in the snow. you are amazing and an inspiration.

and i love you. xxo

Elaine A. said...

You ran in the SNOW?!?! YOU RAN IN THE SNOW!!!! And I was whining about a little rain and 40 degrees a few weeks a go.

You are SO a runner, damn straight!

Also? Brrrrrr.

xo

Kirsten said...

Erin, this post. This run. Make me proud of you beyond belief. You are a runner. Do you know why? Not because you ran in the snow. Not because you froze your ass off and did it anyway. It's simple. You are a runner because you run. The end. Tell that little voice to STFU and keep running. You've come so far. I am so proud of you. And you know what? You should be proud of you too.

Jennifer said...

uh, running in THAT weather?? You are my HERO. And you are most definitely a Real Runner. That's hardcore!

Becky said...

Dude. If you aren't a real runner then the sky isn't blue.

Capeesh?

Adam said...

My little voice says your little voice has a point. Running in the snow is dumb.

Kim said...

Today my little voice told me that I looked stupid running. That everyone was staring at that fat girl running and why are you doing that? The little voice told me that I shouldn't be winded at a mile, that if I hadn't been so lazy I wouldn't be here.
The little voice told me I should give up.
I kept running and didn't stop until I got home. I am trying to run harder than the little voice can talk.

Allyson said...

I think your little voice should tell you what a bad mamajama you are... and then you should listen to it. ;)

Adventures In Babywearing said...

You are such a real runner. My little voice is so rude and sad.

Steph

Lyndsay said...

I think you need to frame that picture. And if (when) you doubt that you are a runner, look at it. It is a fantastic reminder of your determination and drive. You were the ONLY ONE out there. And you DID IT.

Anonymous said...

I just want to point something out. You are a successful career woman, wife and mother, and a runner. Now go re-read your words. Anyone who can call themselves a "girl" and yet be so grown-up and responsible, is ONE HOT MAMA! Sometimes your little voice says nice things to you if you listen very carefully!

Mary in MI

Kaycee said...

That little voice is such a pain. Also, I vote anyone who runs is a real runner. 1 mile? A runner. Seven miles? You rock and you are definitely a runner. When I see people out running I never ever think that they are slow I always think "Wow, good for them!!" and then my little voice tells me I suck because I am NOT out running.

I read another blog post pretty recently where she was talking about how if that little voice was a real-life friend she would tell everyone to not ever be friends with that person because all they do is break you down not build you up. That she had to love herself enough to break the friendship with that "voice". I really loved that. I really need to work on that. Because it's true that I would never let a real-life person treat me the way that little voice does.

Such The Spot said...

This much I know: your little voice is straight crazy. Because if you're not a real runner, I don't know who is. I continue to be in awe of your dedication.