I like to think that I'm a pretty good friend, that I cheer on my friends when they need it. Today I realized that I'm not a very good friend to myself.
Like, when I set out for a 4.5 mile run and end up stopping after 2.6 miles because it was 95 degrees out with 60% humidity, I automatically tell myself I failed and wonder why I couldn't have gone two more miles. I probably could have, but I was in direct sunlight and ended up on an uneven grass trail on my first ever trail run. It just wasn't working, even though I took it slow. This is what I was running.
See all those trees way in the distance? Inexplicably, all the trails through the trees were blocked off with caution tape, leaving me to run through the prairie. I found one lone tree with a bench beneath it at the two mile walk and stopped to catch my breath. While I was sitting there, I thought it was raining because I looked down and saw water droplets running into my socks. Then I realized that it was sweat rolling off me. Lovely! I was so sweaty that my armband was actually sliding down as I was running, which has never happened.
I kind of wanted to stay under that tree forever, but I realized that Shane might get concerned if I told him I was spending the night at the arboretum. I gave myself a goal of getting back to my car where I had water, then I ran one more pass down the one shaded trail (which was only 1/3 of a mile). I loved running the shaded, mulched trail. It felt really good and fun, I just faltered in the heat and uneven grass. I ended up in the water garden that my boys love and tore off my shoes, excited to stick my feet in cold water. Except that it was SO HOT that the water was like bath water.
It still felt good. And if you look closely, you can see the little green worm that apparently hitched a ride during my run. I hope I didn't get him too far from his home!
Afterward, I was disappointed in myself. I really thought I could conquer 4.5 miles, but I didn't even come close and felt like I was making excuses for why I couldn't. Isn't that silly? It doesn't mean I'm a failure, it just means that I'll need to repeat this week on the training plan (I'm following this plan, for anyone interested). I looked back at my Couch to 5k app and realized that I started it just three months ago (and finished it in less than nine weeks!). It feels like longer, but it's only been three months since I've been running regularly and I need to remember that. Three months ago, 2.5 miles would've been laughable, let alone 4.5! I'm wearing clothes that I wouldn't have worn last summer (aren't my friends so pretty?) because I feel better about my body.
So, here's me being a better friend to myself. Today I ran 2.6 miles in the afternoon heat. When I was done, I rewarded myself with an Icee because, dammit, I deserved it.