Food And Resolve

I have no will power when it comes to food. None at all. You can set a plate of brownies on the counter in front of me and I will think to myself, "I resolve to eat none of these brownies. I'm not hungry." And then two seconds later, I'll be like, "I resolve to only eat one of these brownies. One brownie is okay." And then five seconds later, I will have eaten THE WHOLE PLATE (I eat really fast) of brownies. The worst part is that I'm not even sure what happened. I'll have brownie crumbs in my hair and I'll be shaking from the sugar and looking dumbly at the empty plate thinking, What just happened here?
Still, despite my general lack of sanity around food, I thought it'd take a little longer for me to eat my New Year's resolution of eating a Big Mac.

My lack of never eating a Big Mac has nothing to do with being a vegetarian or even having a healthy diet, because I don't. Instead, my mom followed the health food craze before it was a craze, so even though I grew up in the 80s when no one really cared about trans fat and fries were fried in lard, I never ate at McDonald's. Ever. (We also did not have sugary cereal, I WAS SO DEPRIVED.) In fact, the first time I ate at McDonald's, I was in 3rd grade and with a friend. I didn't know what to order for breakfast, so I ordered one donut (do they still have donuts at McDonald's?) and her family laughed at me while they enjoyed their Egg McMuffin's and hash browns. Jerks.
Growing up, I still didn't eat at McDonald's much, except for the occasional french fry. It just wasn't something I did. Also, I never really liked burgers of any sort until I was pregnant with Luke and CRAVED bacon cheeseburgers like they were going out of style (thankfully I still love them). I just don't want you guys to think that I avoided it because I had food standards or something. I don't. I once ate a Junior Mint off the sidewalk.

It still isn't really something we do, except maybe for breakfast or when we're traveling or when I'm in desperate need of junk food, so I just don't get much of an opportunity to eat a Big Mac. However, last week, I unexpectedly took Luke to the doctor and went to fill a prescription, only to be told that it'd be a 45 minute wait (which actually turned into a NINETY minute wait, thanks Walgreens), so to fill the interim, I decided to take Luke and let him play at the play place (please note, he had an infection of the boy parts--he was not contagious or spreading germs through the play place) and of course, how could I not go ahead and fill my Big Mac quota for the year?

BEHOLD:


And then, three minutes later (I told you I eat fast):


That picture is blurry, because I was busy shoveling french fries into my mouth. So, what did I think? It was so fabulously junky and delicious that I'm kind of sad that I didn't eat one ten years ago, back when I weighed 100 pounds and could get away with eating a Big Mac more often. My only regret is that I did not listen to those of you who told me to get extra sauce. My other regret is that in shoving the whole burger in my mouth at once, I did not get to enjoy it better. But as far as fast food burgers go? I kind of want to fill a room with Big Macs so that I'm forced to eat my way through them to get out of the room. Am I the only one that fantasizes about having to eat my way out of a room filled with food? I hope not.