Monday, January 24, 2011

Two Months, Two Days

That's how long it's been since Tommy's last seizure (the last definite one, sometimes normal 18 month old behavior could be a seizure and it's hard, this is hard). I roll the days around in my brain constantly, like a job site posting telling how many days since the last accident. When we passed the two month mark, I breathed a little easier. Still, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, because I just don't trust this epilepsy monster.

Sometimes I gaze at him and wonder what's going on behind those eyes, like all parents do. Unlike all parents, I wonder how his brain is spinning, if it's going to misfire soon.


I still tiptoe in and place my hand on his chest every night. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and worry. Sometimes I don't. It confuses my head lately that I got pregnant with Tommy when Luke was at the age Tommy is now. Epilepsy has made him my forever newborn, my afraid to let out of my sights and arms baby and will I ever have room for another?


Tommy fell down on the floor in the midst of an epic temper tantrum and Luke said, Mommy! I think he's having a seizure! I reassured and swallowed around the perpetual lump in my throat and wondered at the bigness of a three year old knowing the word seizure.


If you were sitting on the couch next to me right now and we were drinking champagne, I'd raise my glass and say, Here's to two months and three days.

21 comments:

Abra said...

yes! EVERY day counts.

you are such an awesome mama.

april said...

*Raising my glass*

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh, one day is success. 2 months two days so much better. And I did raise my mini pink champagne cupcake to you tonight.

I haven't told anyone but Ivy is our last child to yet "pass the mark" of the age when a sibling is likely to show signs of the disease Noah had. I pretty much put it out of my mind but when we get past it I will be breathing so much lighter.

Steph

Kate at Big City Belly said...

Erin,
I was just thinking about you and Tommy yesterday, wondering how he's been (and you, too). I'm so glad to hear that time has passed. I raise my glass to you and your family.

xoxo
Kate

Elaine A. said...

I hope the seizure-free days just keep on a comin'! Hugs Momma.

kaitlin johnston said...

this made me happy .. glad to hear it ! :)

Sidnie said...

I'll drink to that.
I'll even go refill my coffee cup to warm up this cold coffee for that. :)

Keep breathing, Mama. Keep doing what you're doing.

keli [at] kidnapped by suburbia said...

here, here. *clink*

Tristina said...

*clink*

Yes.

Martina said...

YES. Erin this is great news. I can't imagine how hard it is to watch the calendar and wait for the shoe to drop, but that's why we'll pray and continue to send good thoughts your way. But 2 months and 2 days? That's something I'm thrilled to raise my glass to. Cheers to many more days!

Sara said...

Raising my glass to Tommy, to every seizure free day, and to you, mama!

Kaycee said...

You know my glass is raised to clink back. Absolutely.

InTheFastLane said...

I hope for you many more seizure free days. And more distance between those heart stopping moments.

swonderful said...

you are strong, mama. it's something i already knew about you, but you prove it again and again. here's to the days flying by, uneventfully. XO

Mimi's Toes said...

I just raised my 44 oz. raspberry ice tea, for real! I am trilled to see this 2 months 2 day mark.

~Mendie~ said...

I'd be counting everyone too...and I pray for so many you wake up forgetting to count!

Becky said...

CHEERS!!! Two months, two days and counting!

Melissa said...

I can't tell you how happy I am to hear this news!

Celebrate every single day!

Hugs and prayers to your family!

Sharon - MomGenerations said...

I'm thinking about you and I will raise a glass a night forever... xo

Katy said...

I'm a bit behind in my blog reading, but how I want to come over and give you the worlds biggest hug.

I might have to do that soon anyway.

Such The Spot said...

The most heartfelt of your words always always always hit home with me. This was so beautifully conveyed. And I so totally wish I was sitting right next to you on the couch right now. We'd have so much to say that we'd be up till dawn...