Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I am fresh out of thumb-related puns

Note: I wrote this Saturday night, when I was just starting to get feverish from the flu. I almost wasn't going to post it, but then I decided that feverish Erin is kind of funny. And probably not that different from real Erin.

I'm going to share a photo of this pecan pie that I made with my left hand the night I cut my thumb. Thankfully of the two pie crusts I made, one was tucked safely in the fridge and thus did not get hit by any arterial spray (do you like how dramatic I am? Do thumbs even have arteries?), so I was able to make it into a pecan pie because pecan pie does not involve any cutting.

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The crust edges are not crimped or fancy looking because I was doing it one handed and wouldn't let Shane help, because it felt heroic to do it myself.

Here's a picture of me eating the pie, which I want to share with you so you can see how awkwardly I have to hold my fork. (If any of my friends comment and say this is how I always hold my fork, they are filthy liars and you should not listen to them.)
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That is not my sippy cup. For the most part, I'm still allowed to use big people utensils. This is also not my house. I do not have a giant photo of a pug on my fridge.
I also wanted to share this picture to let you know that Shane did my hair. I could not figure out how to work my flat iron with my left hand without burning myself, nor could I position a clip correctly. Shane did both for me because he loves me. He's also been changing diapers because Tommy keeps grabbing my thumb during diaper changes. His only downside right now is that he won't throw away the apple wedger because he said it's still just fine since he washed it. What's strange is that Shane is very squeamish so it seems out of his character to keep it, which means that he's probably keeping it around to taunt me with at a later date.

Oh, and I was kind of excited because I thought that since I cut off the part of my thumb that has the fingerprint lines, then I wouldn't have fingerprints. But it turns out that skin is really amazing and you basically have to have leprosy to make it so that your fingerprints disappear. I was disappointed because I'd planned out this entire life of crime that involved only using my thumb and baffling the police (except that I'm totally going through that post-partum massive hair loss stage right now so they'd track me that way, probably), but also not disappointed, because at least I don't have leprosy.

Anyway, the whole point of this post was not to celebrate my not having leprosy (which is good), but to see whether you agree with me in that the apple wedger should be burned and then tossed down a deep well, or if you're like Shane and think it's not the apple wedgers fault that I'm clumsy.

20 comments:

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh that looks delicious. Do whatever YOU want with that apple corer, I say.

Steph

Megan said...

This totally should not have made me giggle so much, but even in your 98% thumb misery, you are still hilarious and that's why I love you!
Anyway, your pecan pie looks amazing and I totally would have done the same thing: re-- not letting Shane help make it because then I could say that I made it ALL BY MYSELF and minus 2% of my thumb.

Crooked Eyebrow said...

i think there might be photographic evidence that you do hold utensils that way,just saying...

also.shane rules for doing your hair.that's love

Becky said...

Your hair and the pie both look great!

So does the Pug on the Fridge - which isn't yours!

Cameron said...

This post is hilarious! I'm pretty sure Jason would kill or die for me, but I cannot imagine a situation ever in my life that he would take up a flat iron for me. And even if he did he'd do it wrong! :P

Kristin said...

erin, feverish-you isn't much different than normal-you. i'm just sayin. ;)

that said, BURN THE EVIL BLADES OF DEATH. ok, i still have mine, so maybe i shouldn't talk. but i've never maimed myself with it! just reading about shanes "it's still just fine since he washed it" made me shudder and cringe and shudder some more. i'm not squeamish, but the thing ate your thumb. that is not something that belongs near food, or your hand, ever again! ;p (i mean, if tuco ate part of your thumb would he think it a good idea to keep HIM around? well, ok, maybe that's a bad example... ;p)

Andrea said...

I think the pie looks great! Very yummy!

I say throw the apple corer away when he's not looking and play dumb when he can't find it the next time.

Midwest Mommy said...

Wow, I am impressed with your hair!!!
I say pitch the stupid thing. It would give me nightmares.

Midwest Mommy said...

And I only say pitch it because selling it on ebay would be so very wrong. WRONG!

~Mendie~ said...

that is funny....you are witty even when you are sick. that's a gift Miss Erin...a gift!

Julie said...

I do not have a giant photo of a pug on my fridge.

Awesome.

And, we can cover or fingers with wax and still live your life of crime.

Such The Spot said...

The depths of the well. For sure.

You were right on, btw, when you said that feverish Erin is kinda funny. And no, not much different than real Erin.

Sara Joy said...

hahahahaHAHAHAHA.
Sorry.
You're right, kinda fevery, injured Erin is funny. And you know you would SO keep the slicer to torture Shane with later, so you kinda can't blame him.
My hair isn't falling out anymore, there's light at the end of the tunnel. Just thought I'd mention it, you know, so you know your life of crime is just a couple weeks away. ;)

Erin said...

Hilarious post! I did not cut myself with an apple wedger, but I did totally trip over this fish toy laying on the floor of a mall playground today in front of EVERYONE and FLOPPED down on the ground...classy...I know!

Haley said...

True love is when your hubs flat irons your hair.

That is SO sweet. :-)

I would toss the apple cutter myself...but then again my thumb is still healing and yet, our cheese grater remains here too.

:-)

Ryley said...

This post is so funny! And I am sooo out of breath...
Did you write it in one breath? Because I read it that way...
(Wait to do you actually use breath when you read something in your head?) (oh boy.. am I coming down with a fever too??)
(it took me like an hour to find the pug on the fridge!, but my first thought was.."Is that your sippy cup?")
Love it!! (so much so that I had to use..4 sets of parenthesis! Take that english teacher!)

Elaine A. said...

I need to make another pecan pie. My friend (who was a guest at our house...) ate the last piece of the one I made for Thanksgiving and I'm still a little bitter...

Sorry about your thumb. I cut mine pretty bad a couple of years ago and I probably should have had stitches since now I have a bump there. It IS amazing how much blood can come out of one thumb.

P.S. Shane did a good job on your hair! ;-)

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

Pecan Pie is my weakness, it's like my Kryptonite. And you? With glasses? Adora-fricken-ble.

I hope your thumb gets better, honey. Yowchies!

fritzfacts said...

I would burn it...and do a little dance while it was going up in flames (or whatever metal stuff does).

Your hair looks wonderful, you have such a good hubby!!

Mommy Mo said...

Even if you keep the apple corer, you will never use it again and I think it is probably safe to say that Shane will never use it too, right?

I say use it during the next White Elephant Gift Exchange you are invited to- HA!