Like this moment... one of our first, as I held Luke close to me and he drifted into a heavy newborn sleep, his skin against mine.
(please ignore my double chin, thanks.)
Or this moment with Tommy, when the calm finally settled over us after his tumultuous birth.
(please notice my lack of a double chin, thanks.)
I remember just holding them, feeling their skin against mine, and marveling how they were mine. How did they come to be mine? How did I get so lucky to be matched with these babies who were so exquisitely, perfectly mine? I remember just holding them and not wanting to put them down, even when it was obvious that they were deeply asleep. I remember drifting off to sleep next to them and waking up before they did and just gazing at them, drinking them in.
Now that they're bigger, we don't have those quiet sleep moments as much. Especially since one of them doesn't really like to sleep. Or be quiet, for that matter. I still steal those moments when I can, though. When Shane has a late meeting, Luke gets to fall asleep in our bed while I put Tommy to sleep. Sometimes he's still awake when I come in and we cuddle until he drifts into sleep, his cold feet pressed into my belly.
I treasure those moments. It's hard to move him into his bed, because I just want to keep him next to me so warm and alive.
I don't rock Tommy to sleep at night, but on the weekends, I rock him to sleep for nap time. I miss him so much using the week that these moments are really nice. I just hold him for as long as I can.
These moments are just us and the world could stop spinning while we're in these moments, but I don't think I would notice. I don't think I would want to notice.