Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Just Breathe

Oh, life. You cruel tease. Just a day after I blog about how this October will be better, you send us back to the hospital almost a week to the day of our last hospital stay.

Not with seizures this time, because those? Whatever, we handle seizures these days. Instead, a case of bronchitis that came on so quickly that we had no idea he was even sick, let alone THAT sick. The magic word to get squeezed into an overbooked doctor is wheezing, by the way.

Two breathing treatments later and his pulse ox was still low, so he sent us to the hospital. And I started crying, embarrassingly enough, because I kept thinking of last year. I apologized for crying, all the tears I couldn't and didn't cry when he had his seizures last year. His doctor is so sweet and handed me Kleenexes and took me to a quiet room where I could use the phone, because of course, my iPhone is out for repair at the worst time ever.

Then off we went to the hospital. I was at a light next to a van that said Emergency Home Repair on the side and all I could think was, but is there an emergency heart repair? as I listened to the ragged breathing of Tommy and fought back a tide of tears.

A night of every 2-3 hour breathing treatments, plus steroids, and he's running around the hospital room like he's hardly sick. Last night, we had the same nurse we had the night we were in here for his seizures. He remembered us and at midnight, brought Tommy a little stuffed puppy dog.

I don't want to be here, but I didn't want to be at home with a boy whose breathing was so loud that he sounded like a truck idling, with a pulse ox lower than it should be. When they brought in seizure pads for his crib last night my heart skipped uncomfortably and I promised that it was okay, that he doesn't have seizures in his sleep. But how I still hate that in the midst of normal, medical problems we still have the seizure shadow following us around.

He's breathing better this morning. Running around like a maniac, hiding from the nurses, dancing and yelling about the school buses he sees outside the window in a voice that sounds like a baby Barry White. His heart rate is elevated from the steroids and me? My heart is a little fragile this morning, but as always, we'll be fine.

I just hope that he doesn't decide to make this whole fall hospital stay an annual thing.

26 comments:

Bari said...

My heart aches for you, too. Lots of prayers that Tommy will be fine and that you will be home soon. I can only imagine how scary this must be.
((hugs)) sweetie.

keli [at] kidnapped by suburbia said...

oh, your momma heart has had enough for a while. it's time for a break from these hospital stays. i hope tommy continues to get better and better. and i hope you all can get some rest today. XO

Mommy Mo said...

Oh Erin, poor you and poor little guy. Glad he's breathing again and running around like a maniac. Punk : ).

Kim said...

Oh Mama...I am so sorry. Get some rest and I pray this never happens again. xoxo

angi33 said...

Erin, I feel your pain. My son went through a time where EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. he got sick, it turned into severe bronchitis and breathing treatments. I'm so sorry. There's little more heartbreaking than your baby in the hospital. And the energy of a baby on steroids is a lot for your heart to take. Good luck

Sherry Carr-Smith (@prcarrs) said...

Those trips to the hospital for breathing issues are so horrible. When you want to breathe for your kid? Awful, awful feeling. So glad he's feeling better. I hope you and your little Barry White get some rest soon.

Kate said...

Hang in there, Erin. You're a good mama and your boys are lucky to have you.

*Lissa* said...

Awww! ENOUGH of the scary! xo!

the grumbles said...

bleh. i'm so sorry! i'm glad he's on the mend. i hate that the moment when the tears finally come out is always the worst one. i had a similar breakdown halfway through our whole lead poisoning thing. no tears, no tears, no tears, BAM, embarrassing teary breakdown. xox

Kristen said...

Oh my gosh Erin :-( I'm glad to hear Tommy is doing better, but why does life always have to kick us in the nuts as soon as we think things are on the up and up? Ugh.

Hugs.

I hope we get to see each other the weekend Keli is in, so I can finally give you a real hug instead of a virtual one.

Becky said...

Oh sweet girl! Life is not fair. I hope Tommy is better soon. Thinking of you all...

Crooked Eyebrow said...

Oh Erin, I'm so very sorry for you and Tommy. I'm hoping for quick healing for both him and your momma heart.

xoxo

Julie said...

Tommy and I need to have another one of our chats, don't we??! Get some sleep and we'll chat soon. Sending you all SO MUCH love!

Foursons said...

I'm so sorry this is happening. I promise that not every September is going to bring medical drama but I know the fear. When my now 9 year old was 3 he was in the doctor's office one day for asthma and the very next day was being air-lifted (well if the helicopters could have flown it would have been airlifted, instead it was a super fast ambulance ride) to a children's hospital with a collapsed lung and pneumonia where he spent the next 17 days healing from surgery and getting enough antibiotics to sink a ship. And now every time he has an asthma attack it puts a fear into my heart. So I understand and I pray you have peace and comfort beyond understanding while your little guy struggles through this.

Adam said...

Maybe it's not October that will be great this year. Maybe it's just you. I'm really sorry you have to go through all this and the cloud of worry and sadness of seeing Tommy sick and not knowing what's wrong. But I'm so thankful he has you. Lucky Tommy.

Because it sounds like Tommy is comforted and happy despite the illness. And I think that has something to do with you being strong and comforting, sad and calming, and hopeful and confident and loving. It's nice that there are doctors and nurses to help, but you being there is probably helping him the most.

punkinmama said...

So sorry Erin. Wish you weren't going through this. I remember the nights we were in the hospital with Sam for bronchiolitis when he was only 5 months old. It's terrifying not knowing what is going on with your baby. Glad Tommy is doing better today and hope you all won't see the inside of a hospital again for a long time! HUGS

Kaycee said...

Oh Erin. I was about to reply happy things to yesterdays post, but then I saw today's post first. I am so glad Tommy is doing better. I am so sad you are in the hospital with him again. Breathing issues are so scary (my husband has asthma, it petrifies me), listening to them struggle to breath is so hard. And those steroids, while needed, are so strong and can make them feel so weird. Lots of thoughts and prayers for your family.

Lyndsay said...

Oh Tommy! What are you doing to your poor mother?!
I hope you're home soon.
There's still hope for October!
xo

quicklikeabunny said...

Hey, it's still September - Tommy was just making sure he got the scary stuff out of the way for you. And it is scary, I know - glad things are looking up now.

tinycandi said...

I'm so sorry to hear that Tommy isn't feeling well. :( I am glad to hear that he's running around and seems happy anyway. Lots of :hugs: for you mama!

Sarah said...

Hope he gets better soon so you can flee the hospital scene!

ZDub said...

Hang in there, hugs and more hugs.

Courtney said...

Oh I am so sorry you had this happen, I sure hope that he gets better and you get some answers! I will also hope that this all gets done by October so that your October is still a good one!

InTheFastLane said...

I am glad you are home.
And seriously, I was just watching my baby sleep the other night and remembering our hospital stay last year, and listening to him cough and hoping that we are not going back there again this year. Because even though they are OK, hospitals are NOT fun!

rashell said...

oh no! poor little guy, i'm sure you all deserve some rest from all this. hugs

Rashell

Mr Lonely said...

walking here with a smile. take care.. have a nice day ~ =D

Regards,
http://www.lonelyreload.com (A Growing Teenager Diary) ..