there is a silence

listening to the Sufjan Stevens Pandora station. This really beautiful song While You Were Sleeping by Elvis Perkins just played. I've never heard it before, but I love discovering new music. The words are really moving. I can do this only because I have no students today. Only papers to grade and grades to type in the computer.

As I'm listening, I'm thinking that some people get to listen to Pandora all day at work and discover new favorites all day long. What must that be like? I feel that momentary pang of jealousy, that grass is greener moment. It's not what I want, not what I've ever wanted. It's nice for today, but the steady silence beneath the flourescent lights would start to get to me after awhile. I would miss the 8th grade exuberance, even when it's annoying.

Yesterday I gave my students an assignment over The Red Wheelbarrow. They had to write their own poems, deciding what so much might depend upon. For the most part, they got it. It's always such a good feeling when they're showing you work that equals or sometimes outreaches your expectations.

I should be using this time to clean out my file cabinets, my catch all drawers that end up full of unnecessary, unorganized items. My cabinets, my shelves, all of those things that I always swear I am going to organize so well. On the surface, my classroom is very organized, with daily folders for homework, monthly calendars, it's all easy for my students. But inside the closets and the closed drawesr, everything is a jumble.

Instead I'm gazing out between the blinds at the snow, the white ground and wondering how I'm going to run tomorrow if the sidewalks are still not cleared.

I don't want to shake this quiet, though. I want to soak it up, because it's so rare. Breathe it in, hold on to it, knowing that this room won't hold this silence again until June, when I'll be too busy gazing between the blinds at the green grass and sunshine and my closets will still be messy.

That's okay, though. Maybe I kind of like them that way.