Summerish

Finally, I can actually feel the impending summer that is looming on our horizon. And it feels good. After nasty weather yesterday, I went for a run at 6 this morning (I'm on week six of Couch to 5K! I can't believe my legs haven't fallen off yet) as the sun flared around me. We made a quick trip to Shane's parents' house to take care of their dog, then we headed to a nearby arboretum. First, we stopped and attempted to rescue a turtle out of the road. I figured that I could just gently place it in the grass, except that this turtle was a serious jerk and hissed and jumped at me--who knew turtles could jump--while snapping. I went back to the car and made Shane try to herd it out of the way with a rubbermaid container, except that the turtle was not a fan of this, either. Not wanting to lose a finger in the process of turtle rescue, we left it alone... but not before I took this picture. You'll be happy to know that there was no squished turtle on the road when we came back, so I guess the jerk made it to safety.

Turtle misadventures aside, we arrived at the arboretum and visited the recently opened railway garden.

To say my boys liked it would be an understatement. Actually, we had to carry Tommy out of their screaming because he just wanted to stay with the trains. Once we carried him out, we put the boys in the stroller with a snack and went for a hike.

Except that as soon as they were finished with snacks, they wanted to get out and run, so the stroller was kind of pointless.

They were just as excited to stretch their legs as we were. Right now, I'm waiting for Tommy to wake up for his nap and then? It's sprinkler time.
I hope your Memorial Day has been as beautiful as ours and that you all took a moment to remember why we observe.

In the Hair

As a kid, one of my favorite dolls was Lady Lovely Locks, until I cut off most of her hair. Then she became Lady Lopped off Locks and really wasn't much fun to play with anymore. I did this with most of my dolls. Very few of my childhood Barbies had hair that remained uncut.

I've always been like this with my own hair. If I ever grow it, it gets cut almost immediately upon reaching my shoulders. It rarely ever makes it there, though, and I've had short hair for most of my life. I like it that way. It's much easier to deal with and it doesn't get tangled (as a kid, my hair was ALWAYS tangled).
As I was getting ready for an awards night program at school yesterday, I used the flat iron to dry my damp hair and realized that my hair hasn't been this long in a long time. Six years to be exact. I grew my hair long because I wanted to wear it down and curled for my wedding. I cut it to just past my ears within a week of returning from our honeymoon because I was so done with long hair. So.Done.

I didn't intend to grow my hair long. I haven't gotten my hair cut since June because of time and money and time and, oh, money. One of my best friends gave me a gift certificate to get my hair cut for my birthday and although I'm going to make that appointment SOON, I don't think I'm going to get much more than the dead ends cut off. For the first time in my life, I don't have that urge to cut. For the first time in my life, I didn't grow it out for anything special. For the first time in my life, I like that it brushes past my shoulders. For the first time in my life, when people comment that my hair is getting long, I don't run straight to the phone to make an appointment to cut off several inches.


Sure, it's just hair and sure, I feel silly blogging about hair, but it's also a newness and acceptance to this different stage. In the more than for years that I've spent growing and nurturing babies with my body, I always kept my hair short. I always wanted it short. Now I have this new me that doesn't need to wear maternity clothes or nursing clothes, and I'm not sure what to do with her. Sometimes I don't know if I should be happy or sad about that. Sometimes I don't know if this new me will eventually settle in to being the forever me or if I'll go back to that short-haired girl growing and feeding babies again.

Of course, this goes deeper than hair, but you know that. It's amazing how roles I've struggled with accepting in the past have settled in like a second skin. Long hair? Check. Working mom? Most days, check. Woman who has finally figured out how to balance being a wife and mother (oh, and having a career)? Double, triple, check. Not knowing if we'll have more kids? Check. Finding beauty in the flawed parts of life? Check. Not having a dream house or dream car or dream anything but knowing that's okay because what I have is pretty great, too? Check.

Happy? Check.

One Foot, Then The Next

Oh hey, hi there neglected blog. Does anyone still read this thing? I’ve been so bad lately, for a myriad of reasons. I don’t have a working laptop at home. It’s so tedious to even attempt to blog from my phone that I just don’t attempt. At all. Every week, I upload pictures to flickr and think, I am going to blog about this. And then the week slips by and I haven’t blogged at all, because it’s just too tedious.

I am closing in on the home stretch of what seems like the longest school year ever. When I run and I feel like I can’t possibly go another inch, I think, just put on foot in front of the other. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and then you’ll be done. That’s what I’ve thought this whole year. It’s been a hard year, possibly the hardest since my first year of teaching. All of my days off in the beginning of the year interfered with forming good relationships with my students. I usually have a handful of really close relationships, students who I will truly miss. I don’t have that this year, and it makes me sad. Part of it is because the behavior issues I’ve dealt with this year are more extreme than in the past. Not bad behavior, not really things that would make you afraid for the future, but just really immature behavior. It’s really hard to teach when your teenage students are more interested in making bird noises or hitting each other or doing other things that you expect to deal with when you sit down for dinner with your toddlers.

Suffice to say, it’s been a long year and I’ve climbed out of bed a lot of mornings thinking, just one foot in front of the other, just one more step. It’s been hard. I don’t want to wish it away, I don’t want to rush summer, because then it’ll be here and gone, but I’m ready. Every ounce of my being is ready. Ready for park days and dinners with friends and being able to run in the morning, instead of having to drag myself out the door as soon as I get home from work. Ready to walk barefoot and spend a summer in short sundresses instead of work appropriate knee length attire. Ready to turn golden from the sun, to sit and watch the flowers bloom, to watch sunsets at the beach and stop for ice cream on the way home. Ready to visit family, to celebrate six years of marriage and to, gulp, celebrate a certain little rocket man turning two. Two. Ready to wake up to the sound of that almost two year old calling us from his crib, instead of the blaring alarm clock. Ready to snuggle without thinking, I have to get up; I have to get out of bed right now otherwise I am going to be late. Ready to forget about a stressful year of legislative changes, of teacher bashing, of feeling so underpaid, underappreciated, and overworked. Ready to refresh, recharge, and greet the glory of each morning with a smile on my face and joy in my heart.

I’m so ready.

Run, Girl

Growing up, my older sisters were amazing runners. The kinds who set records and in our small town, everyone knew my sisters as the twins who were runners. All I'd have to do is say my last name and people would say, "Oh, your sisters are the twins! Are you going to run, too?" Or sometimes, I wouldn't even have to say my last name, by basis of looking so much like them, people would say, "Are your sisters the twins who are runners?" I never minded it much, until I was in middle school and decided to go out for cross country. I really didn't mind running that much, but I knew I didn't have their aptitude for it. My body wasn't as small as lean. I didn't like to sweat. Still, I stuck it out until I overheard one of the coaches say to another, "Aren't her sisters the runners? I hope she's half as good as they are."

I wasn't. And I knew I wasn't going to be, so I stopped going to cross county practice after that. I know that's silly, because maybe I could've been okay on my own terms... but I was worried that I was going to let everyone down by not being as good as I should be. The beautiful thing is that I've learned, as a teacher, to never, ever compare my students to their older siblings, to never even mention older siblings unless they bring it up first, because they should be allowed to exist individually.

From that point on, I was adamant that I was not going to run unless someone was chasing me. I stuck to that until Luke was a year and a half old. I was still carrying ten pounds of baby weight that I could not shed, no matter what. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I bought a pair of Asics and started to run. Well, I started to walk, with the occasional burst of 14 second sprints before walking again. I stuck to it, though, and I actually lost those ten pounds and you know what? I kind of liked running. No, I hated running while I was doing it, but afterward? I kind of liked it.

I kept running even when I was pregnant with Tommy, until I was 24 weeks and Braxton-Hicks got the better of me. I swore I'd start running again as soon as I was able, but then, I'm sure you'll remember the part about Tommy not sleeping. I was too tired to put my clothes on the right way, let alone put one foot in front of the other in some sort of forward motion. Three weeks ago, I did the March for Babies walk and realized that I'm out of shape, that I was in better shape when I was pregnant with Tommy. I'm happy with my weight, but I should be able to move a little faster without getting out of breath. I started Couch to 5K that night (which was kind of dumb, because I could hardly walk the next day) and I've gone every other day since.

I don't really have any actual goal in mind, except to hopefully not drop dead. I completed Week 3, Day 1 yesterday and although I thought I might die toward the end, I did not. And today, I ate two donuts, because I was like, "Well, I did go for a run last night." If you think of it that way, running is actually pretty awesome.

Outside

Although the weather is still not as warm as I'd like, we have had decent enough weather to spend some time outdoors. Thank goodness!

One of our favorite things at this time of year is the wetlands behind our house. Everything is so green and alive right now. What starts out as wetlands flows into a creek behind the field, where there is fortunately a walking trail. We're probably trespassing on someone's property, but fortunately, there are no signs or houses or anything back there to tell us otherwise.

On our walk back, Tommy was determined to navigate the field but kept falling. He held Shane's hand and was so very serious about each step he took.

The crazy robin who built a nest in my basket of flowers laid two eggs Saturday, followed by one more egg Sunday, and another Monday. I sincerely hope that the process of laying an egg isn't like labor, becuase OUCH. That's a long time.

I worry that she's not protected enough from predators, because I keep thinking that any sort of animal could jump up and get her and her babies. Thanks to the flowers still growing around her, she does seem pretty sheltered. She popped her head up when she heard me at the door taking photos; normally, you can't even see her.

Joyful Growth

This weekend, we had two days of sunshine! It was amazing and couldn't have come at a better time.
This is the third year I've walked for James&Jake, each year a blessing and reminder of the joys and sorrows in life. It's amazing to me how much life has grown since the first year I walked with a belly full of life and how much I love it every year. It's the kind of walk where kids can run and be loud and give each other bunny ears.


But it's also about remembering. While we were walking, Noah said, "If my mom's new baby is a boy, Anna will have five brothers!" We talked about how lucky that made Anna, but really, I was thinking how lucky we all are for all that they've taught us.

I came home from the walk, my heart full, to discover that the robin who built a nest on our deck Easter morning had laid eggs. Two perfect, beautiful blue eggs.


There's so much I could say about how seeing that made me feel and yet, I think there's no words I could use to really justify the joy and hope those two eggs gave me.