One week after the stomach flu, I went back to work and that's thrown a wrench in things, too. When I run in the morning before work, it looks like this.
The sky on the left is when I start, the right is when I return. I don't see the sun at all when I run. The limited time makes it hard. Getting up at 4:50 makes it even harder, but I'm doing it. I'm proud of myself for doing it and truthfully, I do feel like I have more energy afterward.
But I'm still not back to where I was in July and it's frustrating. I can run four miles sure, but not without stopping in the middle. I want to see my feet hitting the pavement, not look at my feet from the view of a bench.
It's part physical and it's part mental. Because I think I can't do it, my body shuts down. I hate it. I used to be able to push through those thoughts, but I'm not finding it in myself any more.
When I run on the weekends, there is at least sunshine. I'm not looking over my shoulder constantly, convinced that someone is going to ambush me.
But I'm so tired on the weekends that the thought of my long run is painful--literally and figuratively. I'm just so tired and it's so hard to get myself out the door on the two days that I don't HAVE to be out the door early. I can't describe. I don't even think I feel that winded, although I'm definitely not breathing easy. I just think to myself, I can't do this anymore. and I quit.
I hope this is all temporary. I don't want to only be a 5k'er for the rest of my life. Not that that's a bad thing, but I believe I can do more--I have to get back to really believing.
15 comments:
Don't make me serenade you with Journey. I'll do it, I swear.
Erin - I hear you! I know that running while looking over your shoulder feeling. I know that waking up at 4:50 thing. I know that no sunshine and the weak feeling thing. You are such a trooper - good for you. It will come back. See what happens if you up your protein intake for 3-4 days. Might help with energy. Good luck and happy new school year.
If you lost 6 pounds in two days then you lost muscle, mama. Be gentle on yourself, it SUCKS that you have to rebuild, but you do. And I am SO PROUD of you for getting up so early and getting out there and DOING it! No matter how slowly you run you're still lapping everyone on the couch. ;)
And this may be just me, but I CANNOT stop when I'm running... I mean, if I stop I can't start again. So if I need a break I just walk, but I never stop unless I need to stretch out a tight muscle and then only while I'm stretching. If your brain is effing you up ("I can't do this"), then you need to eff with your brain and try something new, just temporarily to get over your mental block. For instance, when your brain starts telling you that you can't do it, DON'T STOP right away, force yourself to get to the end of the block or that tree up there or the top of the hill or whatever and then reevaluate whether you *really* need to still stop (I usually get enough rush from pushing past it that I can keep going, which makes me feel more amazing... and even if I have to stop, at least I went further than I thought I could!). Or start out your run with a totally different goal, don't make it all-or-nothing, "If I don't run all 4 miles I'm a failure." Try to run the first mile in a certain amount of time, knowing that you can walk the whole second mile if you want to, and then run the third mile in a certain time, and walk the whole fourth mile if you want to. Just shake things up until you rebuild your confidence. And hang in there, you are AMAZING!!! xoxoxo
I am so sorry it's taking you so long to get your groove back but I just know sooner than later we'll be seeing it happen. I am just so inspired that you KEEP ON. That is huge.
Steph
6 pounds in two days also means that the whole balance of your body was thrown off. Vitamins, proteins, carbs. Knowing you, you have worked hard at putting those all back in ;) But, be gentle to your body. It will come.
And the getting up in the morning thing...yeah...I so so hear you. I pushed my long run from Sat. to Sunday and took a day off I wasn't planning on, JUST so I didn't have wake up early on one morning. The getting up part, is almost harder than the actual running part.
AND AND I am so impressed with how you decided to be a runner, and now you ARE. You know how you are? You write posts like this and think about running and want to get better. Awesome.
You are showing your strength by not giving up and you will move past this - you will *run* past this! Now might be a good time to mix things up for a week - instead of an early morning run try early morning pilates or a bike ride or give yourself permission to take a long, fast walk. Breaks help me remember what I like about running and that makes it easier to get past the mental blocks.
People who have already posted are right - a lot of this is physical - but even when you physically recover you might have a mental block and that's okay. I had a big mental block about 4 miles - I finally got past it by running with friends. You will find what worse for you too, don't despair!
The fact that you're not giving up when it would be so easy to says a lot. You're getting up before the crack of dawn... not something most people would do. With your determination and spirit, it will come back. Sorry it's so frustrating right now!
I believe in you! I KNOW you can do it too. Go you for getting up that early to go do it. I'm getting up at 5:30 and think that's early!! I did the C25K, ran some 5K's, and then stopped. Don't know what happened! I want to get back to it too. Running gives you power I think. At least I felt strong knowing what I could accomplish when I ran. You can do it!!
OK, so I had a great motivational speech all ready to type up and get you moving and excited but then I read all the other comments. They have already said everything. So...I'll just say that this to shall pass. You still have a love for running, it's not going anywhere. Maybe you need another program to follow to help. Have you looked at the Bridge to 10K?
We have to find your groove again girl because you are my inspiration. I'm just starting week 3 of c25k and it is really hard for me. Of course I am old and fat which doesn't help. If you lost six pounds in two days, you were one sick puppy. You also lost some muscle. I know you will get this all worked out. Is it possible to run after school? I know you'll get your groove back. I have no doubt. You just have to give it a little time and patience. Stride on! ((hugs))
This makes me sad for you, on a couple levels. But I DO believe it's temporary and it will all be okay.
Also - I start teaching at dark-thirty... it's depressing. I'm done with a full hour class before it looks like your second picture outside. SO WRONG.
I find it hard to find my groove in the fall. Wheels are officially spinning. Hope you'll listen to everyone here and take it easy. Flu is hard on your body.
I think you're awesome for running at all! I only run if someone is chasing me with a knife. :) You'll get your strength back. Stomach flus take a LOT out of a person.
There might be a little dehydration since you had the stomach flu. Also, taking short breaks while running long miles is okay. It helps build your endurance and you will then be able to run further. Try running 5 minutes and walking one and see if that helps you at all. All runners go through these lags. Just keep getting out there!
Um, first of all you are SO NOT the only 5K-er! HA!
And you're amazing for getting up that early to run. I could never do it. Seriously. I'm sorry you're having to work back up to it but you'll get there soon. I'm sure of it!
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