In the Hair

As a kid, one of my favorite dolls was Lady Lovely Locks, until I cut off most of her hair. Then she became Lady Lopped off Locks and really wasn't much fun to play with anymore. I did this with most of my dolls. Very few of my childhood Barbies had hair that remained uncut.

I've always been like this with my own hair. If I ever grow it, it gets cut almost immediately upon reaching my shoulders. It rarely ever makes it there, though, and I've had short hair for most of my life. I like it that way. It's much easier to deal with and it doesn't get tangled (as a kid, my hair was ALWAYS tangled).
As I was getting ready for an awards night program at school yesterday, I used the flat iron to dry my damp hair and realized that my hair hasn't been this long in a long time. Six years to be exact. I grew my hair long because I wanted to wear it down and curled for my wedding. I cut it to just past my ears within a week of returning from our honeymoon because I was so done with long hair. So.Done.

I didn't intend to grow my hair long. I haven't gotten my hair cut since June because of time and money and time and, oh, money. One of my best friends gave me a gift certificate to get my hair cut for my birthday and although I'm going to make that appointment SOON, I don't think I'm going to get much more than the dead ends cut off. For the first time in my life, I don't have that urge to cut. For the first time in my life, I didn't grow it out for anything special. For the first time in my life, I like that it brushes past my shoulders. For the first time in my life, when people comment that my hair is getting long, I don't run straight to the phone to make an appointment to cut off several inches.


Sure, it's just hair and sure, I feel silly blogging about hair, but it's also a newness and acceptance to this different stage. In the more than for years that I've spent growing and nurturing babies with my body, I always kept my hair short. I always wanted it short. Now I have this new me that doesn't need to wear maternity clothes or nursing clothes, and I'm not sure what to do with her. Sometimes I don't know if I should be happy or sad about that. Sometimes I don't know if this new me will eventually settle in to being the forever me or if I'll go back to that short-haired girl growing and feeding babies again.

Of course, this goes deeper than hair, but you know that. It's amazing how roles I've struggled with accepting in the past have settled in like a second skin. Long hair? Check. Working mom? Most days, check. Woman who has finally figured out how to balance being a wife and mother (oh, and having a career)? Double, triple, check. Not knowing if we'll have more kids? Check. Finding beauty in the flawed parts of life? Check. Not having a dream house or dream car or dream anything but knowing that's okay because what I have is pretty great, too? Check.

Happy? Check.