Snowpacalypse

Let's say that you're just crazy enough to teach middle school and just stupid enough to assign a poem due on the day that a major winter storm is supposed to hit your area.

This is all entirely hypothetical, of course.

Now, let's say you're that person and the six years you've spent in 8th grade have completely destroyed your mind (seven years if you count that year that you were actually IN 8th grade which was like the worst year of your LIFE because you were gawky and a late bloomer and WHY WOULD YOU VOLUNTARILY CHOOSE TO GO BACK!?). Anyway. Let's say that you're this person and you spend all day saying, Your ode is due on Wednesday. And all day long, all you hear back is, We won't be here Wednesday! and when you say, Okay, if we're not here Wednesday, it's due Thursday. And then THEY say, What if we're not here Thursday? And so by the end of the day, you are honestly twitching and tearing out your hair and foaming at the mouth and spluttering rage everywhere as you shout, THEN IT'S DUE WHEN YOU WALK INTO THIS ROOM, I DON'T CARE IF THAT'S THURSDAY, FRIDAY, OR NEXT MARCH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU WILL HAND ME YOUR ODES AND YOU WILL SIT IN YOUR SEATS AND YOU WILL BE QUIET DO YOU HEAR ME QUIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

Remember, this is all hypothetical. Anyway, if you were that person, you might totally lose your mind so much thinking about how if they were this bad today, how are they going to be tomorrow!? that when you stop at the store to grab a few things, you walk out with Lucky Charms, champagne, and Pledge, because you never know when you might need to dust during a blizzard, right? (Okay, this is kind of lie. The drinks and cereal were planned, the Pledge was an impulse buy.)

Anyway, I. I mean, this hypothetical person, really doesn't want a blizzard. Like this hypothetical person, I do not like blizzards. During the blizzard of 1999, I was snowed in at my parents' house for one whole entire week and guess what? It was all Little House on the Prairie. I mean, my mom has a stock of food like you would not believe, so we were well fed, but my parents have well water. Which means no running water for a week, no showers, melting snow to flush toilets. It was horrifying. If I was Laura Ingalls Wilder, I would not have made it (although my mad birthing skillz totally qualify me for pioneer woman status) because it was pretty lame and in the era before smart phones, all I had to entertain me was my DiscMan and headphones.

Blizzards are also dumb because we have to make up snow days in June and I'm sorry month of February, but June totally owns you what with its sunshine and warmth and my ability to wear flip flops. But as long as we're playing the hypothetical game, hypothetically the best way to spend a blizzard would be snowed in with my best friends and all their families in some sort of giant compound with lots of play space and a well stocked pantry. In that case? I think I'd kind of like blizzards, but said actual compound lacking in reality? Yeah. Blizzards can suck it.