You Capture: Spring

I love spring. I'm fairly certain I've said this about eleven billion times, but I do. I love spring. If I could marry spring, I would.

While on the March of Dimes walk, I captured a lot of gorgeous spring pictures. And then baby Godzilla unleashed himself on my laptop, where I had, sadly, uploaded the photos and then deleted from my camera. Luckily, my husband recently acquired a laptop, so I was able to steal his while anxiously awaiting a replacement power cord for my laptop! Technology. It's wonderful (and confusing, if you're my husband), but kind of annoying in its breakability.

ANYWAY, I did manage to snap some pictures that are very, very spring to me. In the field behind our house, there is a ditch that has three lilac bushes growing in it. They're very big and since no one really lives by them, I consider them fair game for flower cutting. Cutting the flowers is a little treacherous since it's pretty overgrown and I, of course, wear flip flops to do it, but it's worth it for all the flowers I can put in glass vases around the house.

Aside from cropping, this next one is SOOC. Isn't it lovely what the spring sunshine can do?



And finally, this photo represents spring because after months of spending every night inside, we finally get to go outside and play at the park every night after dinner. We're all thankful for this, but no one is as thankful for the warmth that spring brings as Luke!

You Capture: Spring

These Shoes

If you've seen any of the photos from the March of Dimes walk, you may have noticed that I was wearing flip flops at a six mile walk. If you were at the March of Dimes walk, you may have heard several mom type characters chastising me for wearing flip flops to a six mile walk (I also got yelled at for not wearing a coat. MOMS.).

(Oh, and the reason Tommy is pantsless is because I was in the middle of changing a diaper when everyone lined up for thepicture, so I had to sprint back with my pantsless child and jump in the photo. I did put his pants on before the walk!)

It's okay, though, because these shoes are magical. I bought them eight years ago, which is an unheard of lifespan for flip flops. I found them at the J. Crew outlet and let me tell you, if I found them again, I would buy every single pair JUST IN CASE. These shoes have walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, around NYC, and back across the bridge to Brooklyn, the whole while with Shane chastising me for not wearing proper shoes. But at the end of the night, guess who was complaining of sore feet and blisters? NOT ME. These shoes have walked through the jungles of Belize, with our guide chastising me for not wearing snake protective footwear. But I showed him by, you know, not getting bitten by any venomous snakes.

These shoes have never let me down. My only complaint is that I don't own them in every single color, because the fact that they're red prevents me from wearing them every single day.

So, at the end of almost six miles, my feet felt no worse the wear. Now, my back and shoulders? Well, that's another story...

Out

The realization that this sweet baby face has now officially spent more time on the outside than on the inside hit me just the other day.

When he was a newbie on this side of the belly, he did something his older brother never really did. He cried. A lot.

Whenever I wasn't feeding him, he'd make this face at me. And if I put him down to use the bathroom? He WAILED.
Now that he's a little more used to our world, he doesn't cry as much, but he still cries way more than his older brother did. And he sleeps way less. Sometimes I ask him if he even wants a younger brother or sister, because my goodness.

But then, I look at this face and THAT HAIR and think, how could I not want a million more of him?

Hope

When Shane and I first got married, my mom dug up a tiny lilac bush for me to plant at our new house. My parents have a whole row of mature lilacs in their orchard, so growing up, I would become almost intoxicated with the scent of these lilacs. In the spring, I would cut bouquets for my busdriver and teachers. This scent, a scent that I've yet to find decently replicated in a bottle, brings me back to childhood, to spring, and I swear, if hope had a scent, it'd smell like lilacs. If Heaven has a scent, it must smell like lilacs, fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, and vanilla.
I babied that plant, checking on it throughout the winter, breathing a sigh of relief when the leaves would shoot up vibrant green every March, chastising Shane if he got too close to it with the mower. This has been a long week. Tommy has woken up every single night this week. This morning, he was awake at 3:30, just sitting in his crib, clapping and shouting happily to himself. I'm thankful that he's healthy and happy, but goodness, I wish he would just sleep. This morning, as I was climbing wearily into my car at 6:30, I noticed a flash of purple out beyond the fence. I blinked, cleared my eyes, and the flash of purple was still there.

Without even setting my things in my car, I ran to the back and yes, five years later, my baby lilac was blooming for us. Not caring who was watching and what it would do to my allergies, I buried my face in the blossoms and breathed deeply. I took a picture with my phone, and then before leaving, I buried my face again and breathed it all in. I got into my car with a little less weariness. Sure, I'm still tired and sure I'd rather not be at work, but the scent of lilac is still clinging in my nose and with it, the breath of hope.

Life is Sweet

Despite my confessions of exhaustion yesterday (and seriously, thank you all for your amazing support--so much love), I found a lot of sweetness this last week.

Whether it's a delicious dessert on a coffee date with one of my very best friends...

Or the weather finally warming up enough for us to go hiking at our favorite park, while smelling the sweet flowers and watching the bees do their business...

Life is sweet.

So sweet.

She's Losing It

And in the first moment of her waking up
She knows she's losing it, yeah she's losing it
When the first cup of coffee tastes like washing up
She knows she's losing it, yeah she's losing it
She goes to the mirror to put on her stuff
She knows she's losing it, oh yeah she's losing it

Belle & Sebastian

Truth:
Sometimes I feel a lot like I'm losing it. I'm so torn. I don't want to leave my boys, and yet, sometimes I so badly want a break. I want to treasure every moment in the evening, but I also find myself wishing that I had more time after bedtime to clean and shower and then relax, instead of cleaning, showering, and collapsing into bed. I kick myself for losing my cool and raising my voice with my students because they are, after all, just 8th graders. And then I go home and kick myself for raising my voice with my toddler, because he is, after all, just a toddler. No matter where I am, I feel like I just can't get it right.
I want to be patient and kind when waiting in a long line at CVS, yet I also want to sigh impatiently because I just want to buy my milk storage bags and my bag of peanut butter M&Ms and GO HOME. But then, I also want to turn around and shush the woman behind me who IS sighing loudly and muttering under her breath, because sighing loudly is not going to make the line move any faster.
I want to be absolutely outraged at the state of public education right now, but also, I want (or maybe need) to leave work AT WORK and just not think about it if I don't have to think about it. I also want to tell you about a moment last week that changed me as a teacher and a person, but I can't really.
I want to do and be everything for everyone, but then, I also just want to sit on my couch and just BE.
I want to write something meaningful and witty and poignant in this little white box, but also, I just can't dig deep enough to get there.
Most of the time, I feel so happy and so content, but then sometimes I feel like something is missing. I don't know what that something is. I hope I can find it.

I honestly just don't think I've ever been so tired in my entire life.

Sprung

Every winter, I wonder why I live in a place where it snows and ices and just generally sucks for several long, frigid months. There is not one single thing that I love about winter. I guess snow is pretty, but it's also stupid and cold and to me, that cancels out the pretty.

But then, spring comes in, with her pinks and blues and greens.

And I remember WHY I live in a place with winter, because without winter, we wouldn't really have spring.

With the promise of browns turning to green.

And coats only needing to be worn for a little while longer and sometimes not at all.

So thank you, winter, for giving way to spring.

Number Nine

Nine months ago, I bought a dress in the Juniors section at Kohl's. I remember feeling silly checking out, with my belly so far in front of me, but I needed something new. Yet, I couldn't very well justify buying a maternity dress, when I was just moments away from having a baby. I remember wandering the racks in the baby section, wondering if I'd have to buy pink dresses or if I'd get to watch a baby grow into Luke's clothes. I bumped into a former co-worker, and she asked when I was due. I happily chirped "the 16th!" And she said, "The 16th. Of THIS month?!" because she said I looked so great. I laughed and told her that I felt great, that I loved my belly. And I did. I do. My sweet Tommy belly. It's hard to believe that it's been almost nine months since he's been on the outside. It's hard to believe that my belly could stretch so far to make a dress take on an entirely different shape, but it did. It's hard to believe that nine months ago, I would lie in bed every night and imagine the moment when he was born. Not knowing that he was a he, but imagining my hands touching new baby skin. It's hard to believe that nine months ago, my body didn't know him like it does now. Sure, I knew his movements, the way he pushed and kicked and stretched all the time, but I didn't know HIM. The way he laughs and pretends to drop toys in the tub, just to make me say UH OH. The way his hair sticks up, no matter what I do to it. The way his hands always, always have to be in my mouth when I'm feeding him. The way he defines the term mama's boy, and although I sometimes roll my eyes and shake my head, I secretly delight in it. In how much he needs me, because I know it won't last long.

Fresh

When I went through my photos from the last week, I realized that I took approximately 8,000 pictures of food when thinking of Fresh. Clearly, I have a problem, but I was able to narrow it down to just two food pictures.


Fresh donuts with my favorite guy. While Shane slept in Sunday, Luke, Tommy, and I snuck out to Dunkin' Donuts AND Starbucks. It was a great morning, with fresh donuts, fresh coffee, and lots of smiles.


Then, Sunday afternoon, I met Julie and Love for coffee, at which point I indulged in a very fresh cinnamon roll with brandy buttercream sauce. Yum. And wow.

On the rare moment that I think outside of FOOD for fresh, I think flowers for sure. I have this lovely little glass vase that I use for just one or two single flowers because it looks so pretty.

Don't you think?

Walk It Up

Last year, I walked six miles for March of Dimes. For Beth. For James & Jake. I did it with a big pregnant belly in front me and an ice pack on my back.

My sciatica was so bad. I probably shouldn't have walked that far, but yet, I couldn't imagine not walking. Aside from the sciatica, I had no other problems. I was healthy and pregnant and able to walk six miles without worrying about pre-term labor. I know that I'm blessed with healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. I know this, and so, I treasured every moment.

So many women aren't as lucky as me, though, and so, I walked for them. I will walk again this year, without the back pain and the [glorious, beautiful] belly in front of me, but with the same knowledge in my heart about how lucky I am, how blessed I am, and how if I could, I would give everyone the same pregnancy and birth experience as me.

I can't, though, and so I walk. If you can afford it, even the smallest donation would make a difference. If you live in the area, come out and walk with us. It'll be a beautiful day, I promise.

A Very Etsy Birthday

Let's play a game called, "You are my husband and you are going to buy me things for my upcoming birthday." Alternately titled, "You know my husband and are going to tell him what to buy me for my birthday because he doesn't quite know his way around this great machine we lovingly call 'The Internet'." So, maybe the titles need a little work, but you get the gist. If my husband tracks you down and asks you what he should get me for my birthday, just print out this page and hand it to him.

1. But I have promises to keep by PenelopeandPip. This is one of my favorite poems, and I love the little birdie.
2. Tangerine scallop mirror by uncommon. I realize that I don't have very many mirrors in my house. I'm working on that, and I love, love the scalloped edges and the tangerine.
3. Accesories Inspired necklace by listladykatie. I love the pink, and I love how she mixes materials to put together a beautiful piece of jewelry!
4. Hope bamboo shirt by TeesForChange. Love the shirt and love that they plant a tree for each shirt sold.
5. Mum's the Word clutch by JulieVision. I love this because it's elegant and can be dressy, but it's also still fun with the big flower!
6. Mini Wood Trinket Box by sisterbutterfly. I love all of her wood boxes and this would be such fun. I really love her even bigger, Anthropologie inspired pieces. They're all so pretty!
7. Hope by paperprayers. I LOVE these and can definitely see them in my front window.
8. Hope and love print set by vol25. I love the messages on these, and they're going to look great in my soon to be repainted bedroom (more on that soon!).
9. Born at Home shirt by westmama. Okay, so this is obviously more for Tommy, but he's outgrown all of his born at home onesies. Clearly, he needs a tshirt!

And since we're pretending that my husband is reading this, I'd also like a spa gift certificate and for the love of God, PLEASE LET ME HIRE A HOUSE CLEANER.
For those of you who aren't my husband, what have you been Etsy admiring lately?

Tiny Prints

I realize, approximately eight months later, that I never shared Tommy's birth announcement with you. This is a huge fail on my part because his birth announcement was simply awesome. We received so many compliments on it, from the combination of amazing photos by Beth and the amazing card by Tiny Prints. This was the first time we'd ever purchased from Tiny Prints, but after receiving his birth announcement, I knew it wouldn't be the last (it wasn't--we got equally amazing Christmas cards there).


See? Isn't that the most lovely birth announcement ever? I can't tell you how many calls we received with people just raving over our announcement, saying it was one of the best birth announcement they'd ever seen. I was all, "I know, I make beautiful babies." And they were all, "No, dummy, we meant the CARD." Oh, right. (Sidenote: Can you believe that that dark haired squishy little baby is almost nine months old!?)

So, when Tiny Prints contacted me to see if I'd be interested in talking about their business cards, I said YES, OF COURSE. And true to form, their business cards are just as beautiful as the rest of the products they make. They're unique, while still being reasonably priced. I really like that you have the option of sorting through the cards by color. I knew that I wanted cards with bright colors, so I chose to sort by just looking at the pink and orange cards. I came across these cards by Dwell Studio, and I fell in love! The colors are crisp and bright, but there's enough white space on the cards so that the bright isn't overwhelming. The quality of the cards are fabulous, too. The cardstock is firm and has a subtle texture to it. I love that I was able to edit the text colors, too, so that my card actually has more brightness to it than the sample card on the site. Tiny Prints is great at making sure that you're able to personalize their items as much as you need. Basically, I love these so much that I am looking forward to going to more blogging/twitter events, just to have an excuse to hand these out!

Aren't they lovely? Oh, and those are definitely not chocolate chip cookie crumbs on the carpet. I would NEVER attempt to shove a whole cookie in my mouth while taking photos.

I did receive Tiny Prints business cards free of charge. The birth announcements were paid for by me, and these words reflect nothing but the depth of my mad love for Tiny Prints

Some Beauty

Self-loathing in girls starts early. By 8th grade, girls are pinching imaginary fat and skipping lunches. They say they're on diets when they fit flawlessly into tiny jeans. They talk about the body parts they hate, all the while complimenting their friends.They talk about how they're dumb, how they hate X, Y, and Z about themselves, some of it physical, some of it not.

I know, because I was like this, too. If I could go back ten years, and tell the girl with the flat stomach and the size 1 jeans that she was NOT FAT, I would. I would shake her and tell her to love her body. I would tell her to be proud of the hips she thinks are too big, because someday, they'll birth a nine pound baby.

I try so hard to love myself, but I'm not always good at it. Sometimes I lament my stretchmarks and saggy skin, the fact that I'll never wear a bikini again.But mostly, these days, I love who I am. There was a time when I didn't love any part of me. When I wondered how anyone could love me. When I questioned whether my friends even liked me or whether they were merely tolerating me until they could find a way to shrug me off. I know. I'm crazy.

The truth is, though, I am a good person. There are so many things I love about myself. If I love you, I will love you with every bit of my body. I initiate hugs. If I think someone looks pretty or I like their shoes, I don't hesitate to say it out loud. I keep two tubes of cookie dough in my fridge at all times, in case of a cookie emergency. My desk at work is full of scented markers, sparkly gel pens, and pink notebooks. I'm witty and sarcastic. When I believe in something, I will fight for it. When I wear black, I always have a splash of color somewhere, whether it's shoes, a necklace, or even eyeshadow. After it rains, I splash in puddles. I'm not dainty when it comes to food. I only wear winter clothes from November-March, regardless of what the weather is doing April-October. I think that babies and pregnant women are the most magnificent people on this planet. I'm not the best at keeping my house clean, but if you ask me to help you clean yours, it'll sparkle by the time I leave. Every night when I lie in bed, I remember the feeling of Tommy's body coming into my hands because I never want to forget. I like how my legs look.

These are all of the things that I love about myself, all of the things that make me beautiful in my very own eyes. What makes you beautiful?

Comfort Is...

Sleeping under Christmas lights because you're a little scared of the dark.

Balancing the silly moments with the quiet ones.


Knowing that you'll always have someone to love you, no matter what.


(Shane took the last photo, but he doesn't have a blog, so I'm totally posting it.)
You Capture: Comfort

Lovey

Okay, so you guys? This little blogging community? YOU MADE MY DAY YESTERDAY. I loved the comments that came in, loved them. I emailed back those of you who had email addresses attached to your account (and please, register your email. It makes my day to be able to respond). I loved that you shared things with me, your wedding colors, your wedding flowers, your thoughts. I just loved it. Every time I received a new email, my heart got a little happier.


Amanda, I love that you shared that your birthday is July 18th, because that's Tommy's birthday! He missed being born on the 17th by two whole minutes. We weren't sure of his birthdate, actually, because it all happened so fast, but on the hospital ride, the EMT told me that the 911 dispatch had it recorded that Shane told her that the baby was out at 12:02AM. I love that.

Rebecca, you shared that you're pregnant with #2 and worried about sleepless nights again... I wanted to let you know that although Tommy is an AWFUL sleeper, Luke was amazing. He slept through the night at eight weeks. So have hope, because each baby is different.

Sharon, I love your lilac memories. My parents have a whole row of lilacs in their orchard. Every spring, I just stand back there and INHALE. And you're one of my favorite people, too. Someday, I'm going to hug you, and then we're going to drink A LOT of beer.

So many of you said that your favorite flowers are daisies! I love this because my bridesmaids carried daisies. I wanted them to look like they'd been picked from a field, so they were just simple bouquets tied with a ribbon.

Sarah & Jenny wanted to know what my favorite cupcake is. I honestly can't pick one! The cupcake shop by me makes a fabulous red velvet cupcake, but they also have a great strawberry cupcake. And cookies n cream. Oh, and the chocolate with blue icing? That's pretty good, too.
Jenny also asked what my favorite meal was, and that's hands down, my mom's tostados. You should all come over to dinner. She'd totally make them for you. And she asked what Shane does to creep me out. He is a big fan of sneaking up on me when my back is turned. It's lucky I haven't punched him in the eye!

Katy said she was dressed all in black and it bothered her to have on no color. It struck me as funny because I was wearing a black dress yesterday, but I had on blue shoes and blue eyeliner... because I can't stand to go without a pop of color!

And I really so much want to give a shout out to all of you, but hey, here I am... late for work, AGAIN. Did you know that I have to be at work by 7:15 every morning, and of course, I have to get there before the kids so it's really more like 6:50 which is just INSANE and WRONG. Thank you all for making my day go so well yesterday. I wish I could have you all over for coffee and chocolate chip cookies. I'd even share my Sweet Buttercream with you!

Randomize

Today is my first day back at work after the best ever Spring Break, which means that I am once again chained to the pump during every break. This means that I need you guys to keep me entertained with emails, okay? So, I am going to be lazy blogger and tell you all some random things, then you comment and respond to them... or tell me something equally random. Come on, lurkers, I expect even you to comment!

• My thumbs are double jointed. This means I can bend them in very awkward positions. It freaks Shane out, which I love.
• The more I tease you, the more I love you. Seriously, I'm like a 9 year old boy, except that I stop before hair pulling. Mostly.
• Tommy has been sleeping horribly again (the story of his life), and I have a fantasy where I check into a hotel room, put my own blankets on the bed, close the blinds, and SLEEP for hours without interruption.
• If I was at Starbucks right now, I'd order a nonfat, no whip dark cherry mocha. If Starbucks delivered, I'd order twelve of them right now.
• My wedding colors were pink and yellow. I remember someone making a snide comment and saying, Wow, what is it--EASTER? And I said, No, it's my favorite colors AND MY WEDDING, STUPID. (I was such a pleasant bride. Actually, I really was pleasant, I just didn't have patience for annoying comments.)
• I actually really like to exercise and feel better afterward, but I also feel better after eating cupcakes... and eating cupcakes is a much easier endeavor.
  
• My favorite word in the English language is hope. If hope had a scent, I think it'd smell like lilacs.
• My favorite flowers are stargazer lilies, but I also love snapdragons and lilacs.
• My birthday is one month from today. I'll be 28. I guess I should start to feel panicked about inching closer to 30, but I'm not. I'm just very happy.
  
• I want to type more, but I am late for work, so READY SET GO, leave me some love!
  

Easter Times Four

The last four Easters have been my very favorite. Easter is my favorite holiday because it's beautiful and meaningful and lacks the materialism and stress of Christmas.

We hid eggs for Luke for the first time ever. Watching his excitement this morning as he discovered each one was wonderful, truly magical. Life has been so good lately. The "traumatic threes" have gotten a little easier, Luke and Tommy have been interacting in so many sweet ways, and I just love it. Every little bit.

Get Chartreuse {A Green Giveaway}

Like many of you, I try to use the best, eco-friendly cleaning options for my house and my children. Let's be honest, though, sometimes that's easier said than done. Often times, products that boast eco-friendliness don't do the best job or they're absurdly expensive. This is why I was thrilled when my friend Sarah introduced me to a line of products sold by her friend Sarah (related: I know eleven zillion people named Sarah).

Prior to a few weeks ago, I'd never heard of Chartreuse Products, but now I'm officially hooked! Chartreuse was started by a mom who was looking for green products that were not only attractive, but actually worked. What's really great about Chartreuse is that they list the product ingredients right on the package, unlike many supposed eco-friendly companies. If you look up Chartreuse on Skin Deep, their products range between 0-3 on the scale, which is much lower than a lot of other eco-friendly companies. I love that their baby body wash is ranked as a 0, especially after I found out that the baby body wash that I usually use, which I thought was safe is ranked as a 4.

Sarah told me that her favorite product is the All-Purpose cleaner, because it's so versatile. You can use it on any water safe surface, like porcelain, stainless steel, leather, fabric, etc. You can use it as carpet cleaner, toy cleaner, just about anything. The fact that you can use it as a carpet cleaner basically makes it MY favorite product ever. It's also scented with essential oils, so it smells fabulous. I can vouch for this, because I sniffed the peppermint scented and promptly bought it because it smelled SO good.

Sarah has very sweetly offered a $25 gift certificate to one of my readers! All you have to do is check out her website, and let me know what product you find the most interesting. Or if you use Chartreuse products, let me know which one thing you can't live without. I really encourage you to look around and check out the wide product range they offer.

Giveaway ends one week from today.