You know how sometimes a piece of rope will be so worn and stretched thin that all the fibers are escaping from the side and you think how can this rope possibnly hold any more weight, but some how it does? That's my heart right now.
On my plate today is making medical packets for our sitter and each set of grandparents to keep on hand, should Tommy have a seizure while with one of them. Also on my plate is trying not to call the sitter every hour. I haven't been apart from Tommy since this all began Monday evening, so leaving him to come to work today was harder by far than returning after either of my maternity leaves.
It's been a long weekend. Luke is having an emotionally difficult time with everything. Shane and I are, too. While we are still so unbelievably thankful for all of those normal test results, we still don't know what caused the seizures. Or if they'll happen again, so we spend all day hovering over Tommy, afraid to let him out of our sight. If he spaces off for even a second, we're saying his name and trying to get him to refocus.
It's hard. I'm so happy for my otherwise healthy baby, but I wonder when I'll ever be normal again? When I won't check on him all night long, when I won't worry at every strange movement or look or even things that he's done before that I now wonder whether or not they're normal. And right now, in every single way, I just want normal.
www.flickr.com
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos and videos from School Teacher By Day. Make your own badge here.
19 comments:
You will get there. It's scary but soon things will slow down and slowly fall back into place. Think of it as rebraiding that frayed rope. :) We are keeping you all in our thoughts :)
So so hard. I am thinking of you and hoping he stays healthy AND they find out what went wrong and fix it so you don't have to worry like this. It had to be so awful to go back to work today. I hope that the day goes fast, that Tommy is healthy all day, and you get to see him soon for hugs and kisses.
And sometimes, even the things that don't feel "normal" will start to feel normal for you. It may not always be the normal that we think it should be, but you will find your peace in this. But, sometimes, we have to grieve a little bit for the calm that we had, before we can get there. Prayers and hugs.
oh, hang in there, erin. my heart aches for your family right now. you are such an awesome mama who dearly loves her family. when i hit a really hard part in life i try to remind myself that 'and this too shall pass.' i know those words can't be of much comfort, but know you have a lot of people thinking and praying for your family!
((Hugs))
I know how you feel, but in a different way. I am constantly analyzing every.single.thing.
You are doing everything you can for Tommy, and he will be fine. I hope you get the answers you're looking for (as I hope I get my answers too).
Until then, you wanna meet for a stiff drink and a cupcake? I could really use both right now.
Love you so much, sweet girl.
I used to just wish he'd have one so I wouldn't have to wait any longer, and could rest because it meant maybe I'd have a reprieve if a couple hours or days, and I could finally relax. Awful, I know, but the waiting and wondering and constant monitoring was torture.
You will have people ask you "how are you getting thru this?" "how are you still here/standing/sane?" and I used to reply- "there's no other option."
You are doing incredible. And I know. I know.
Steph
I'm praying for and thinking of you, sweet friend. xoxoxo
I love you.
oh goodness. love you all. i want normal for you, too.
I wish I could wrap you in your "normal" and keep you there forever. These times with children are so very, very trying and frightening and overwhelming... and then some answers come and the veil is lifted... and I'm praying that this happens soon... soon. xo
Hugs and prayers that 3 is all he will have. Tommy is at the top of my prayer list.
Oh sweetheart. I know 1000% how you feel. How much we all crave normal. You will get there. I promise. Even if your normal is different than it was it will feel normal soon.
HUGE HUG to you.
what an exhausting week you all have had. praying for no seizures and strength thru all of this until you return to a better normal.
There's nothing worse than worrying about your baby. I'm so sorry Erin.
I can't even imagine.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know what this is like, but I know that we have a BIG God, and He is protecting him, and I'll just pray that He keeps doing that, and that you guys can find some answers, and some peace.
Love you. xo
Thinking of you and your beautiful Tommy and your beautiful family... xo
I just scrolled down and read the details of the events that led to this post. I'd heard them, of course, but only snippets on Twitter and those aren't the same as reading the abbreviated words from your heart.
I've never dealt with a seizure; I can only imagine how scary that would be. But I know all too well that rope of which you speak. The fraying aftermath of a diagnosis or medical scare.
I'm so thankful for Tommy's test results. And I hope normal creeps in soon, like the sun shining through the blinds.
For what it's worth stay strong. My son has had SZ since June 20th 2006. All tests came back normal it only took 6 months to find a medicine that worked.
We recently weened him off his meds only for him to have another SZ, he went 2 and half years without one. So he went back on meds. I know the meds work (no jinx) so i am a little more at ease then when he was weening.
Weening was a very scary time for me. I was back to watching every thing he did, constantly asking him how he was, b/c if he answered he was not having a SZ.
SZ are hard on parents, we have no idea when or where one will come from. There is nothing we can do except wait it out. SZ take the control out of our hands and all we want is for our baby to be safe.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. My son is 6 and has dealt with these horrible things since the age of 2. Do not hesitate to reach out to me for questions or to vent.
roncap.wordpress.com
rcaponigro@verizon.net
Post a Comment