Self-loathing in girls starts early. By 8th grade, girls are pinching imaginary fat and skipping lunches. They say they're on diets when they fit flawlessly into tiny jeans. They talk about the body parts they hate, all the while complimenting their friends.They talk about how they're dumb, how they hate X, Y, and Z about themselves, some of it physical, some of it not.
I know, because I was like this, too. If I could go back ten years, and tell the girl with the flat stomach and the size 1 jeans that she was NOT FAT, I would. I would shake her and tell her to love her body. I would tell her to be proud of the hips she thinks are too big, because someday, they'll birth a nine pound baby.
I try so hard to love myself, but I'm not always good at it. Sometimes I lament my stretchmarks and saggy skin, the fact that I'll never wear a bikini again.But mostly, these days, I love who I am. There was a time when I didn't love any part of me. When I wondered how anyone could love me. When I questioned whether my friends even liked me or whether they were merely tolerating me until they could find a way to shrug me off. I know. I'm crazy.
The truth is, though, I am a good person. There are so many things I love about myself. If I love you, I will love you with every bit of my body. I initiate hugs. If I think someone looks pretty or I like their shoes, I don't hesitate to say it out loud. I keep two tubes of cookie dough in my fridge at all times, in case of a cookie emergency. My desk at work is full of scented markers, sparkly gel pens, and pink notebooks. I'm witty and sarcastic. When I believe in something, I will fight for it. When I wear black, I always have a splash of color somewhere, whether it's shoes, a necklace, or even eyeshadow. After it rains, I splash in puddles. I'm not dainty when it comes to food. I only wear winter clothes from November-March, regardless of what the weather is doing April-October. I think that babies and pregnant women are the most magnificent people on this planet. I'm not the best at keeping my house clean, but if you ask me to help you clean yours, it'll sparkle by the time I leave. Every night when I lie in bed, I remember the feeling of Tommy's body coming into my hands because I never want to forget. I like how my legs look.
These are all of the things that I love about myself, all of the things that make me beautiful in my very own eyes. What makes you beautiful?
The truth is, though, I am a good person. There are so many things I love about myself. If I love you, I will love you with every bit of my body. I initiate hugs. If I think someone looks pretty or I like their shoes, I don't hesitate to say it out loud. I keep two tubes of cookie dough in my fridge at all times, in case of a cookie emergency. My desk at work is full of scented markers, sparkly gel pens, and pink notebooks. I'm witty and sarcastic. When I believe in something, I will fight for it. When I wear black, I always have a splash of color somewhere, whether it's shoes, a necklace, or even eyeshadow. After it rains, I splash in puddles. I'm not dainty when it comes to food. I only wear winter clothes from November-March, regardless of what the weather is doing April-October. I think that babies and pregnant women are the most magnificent people on this planet. I'm not the best at keeping my house clean, but if you ask me to help you clean yours, it'll sparkle by the time I leave. Every night when I lie in bed, I remember the feeling of Tommy's body coming into my hands because I never want to forget. I like how my legs look.
These are all of the things that I love about myself, all of the things that make me beautiful in my very own eyes. What makes you beautiful?
30 comments:
love this.
beautiful writing. beautiful you.
I have good hair and I'm a really good friend. And I can make a damn good strawberry cupcake FROM SCRATCH.
I really enjoyed reading this post. :)
I love my unique nose, with its bump from the third time I broke it. I also tell everyone around me what I love about them and freely give hugs.
My hair is awesome. Like, REALLY. And I love my stretch marks, because they remind me that my body once housed SIX babies at the same time. Amazing, huh?
Thanks for this. You are so beautiful and I can't wait to get one of your hugs in couple of weeks. Hopefully this time no wine will be spilled.
Bri
I have a great smile, and have been told it reminds people of Julia Robert's smile (not so sure it's that great!). I also have pretty cute feet.
And I love hugs-good hugs, no wimpy hugs. Really good hugs that feel like you mean it. I think we'd get along famously!
Oh I love this. So very very much.
The teenager years? I remember that. I was like that. I was not a size one, I don't think I ever have been, but I was healthy. I want to go back and smack myself and enjoy that flat tummy again. I see it in my high school girls all the time too. I really wish as a group women could not do this. That we could eliminate whatever starts it in us when we are young. That we could all support each other always.
For now? I will embrace what you are asking. Since I loved how you OWNED what you love about yourself, here's mine:
I love with my whole self. I am forgiving of others for things I am too hard on in myself. I am fiercely protective of those I love. I read really really fast - and I remember all of it. I have an analytical mind. I will take millions of pictures of your kids, anyone I love's kids, my nieces/nephews, my kids, my family - until I have a great shot of anyone and everyone. I am creative, especially with digital stuff. I am tenacious. I am long-winded. :)
oh damnit, i had a nice little reply typed up and then our internet went bye-bye.
so here's my list.
i'm funny.
my hair color is natural.
i take good photos.
i'm a great mom.
i can eat like crap and not gain weight. (is that a good thing?)
i can write html and know what it means.
and i'm a really really good pianist.
this was just what i needed, so thank you for this. love you.
I think you are the most beautiful person, inside and out, and I mean that.
I think I'm pretty crafty and can do just about anything I can put my mind to. I do need to learn to love myself more, because physically there's not much that I love about my body, it's all just "Like"
you beautiful, beautiful friend.
big sigh...ok:
i can find something good in everyone. in every situation. my dainty wrists. the arch of my feet. i'm really good at starting IVs. [and putting in NG tubes & catheters.] i love having friends over to our house and it is used at least twice a week for a gathering. i tell our kids the truth...even about things that many wouldn't think are "kid-appropriate." my 1st international trip was to a 3rd world country, by myself. i feel people's hurting and pain in my heart & stomach. i realize that everyone is fighting something that is much bigger than they let on.
i'm not scared of color. i've performed CPR and had both successful & unsuccessful outcomes. i think flip flops and headbands have the ability to turn any girl's day around.
you know, i'm thankful we don't have to do the teenage years again. i had the worst self esteem. and it was mostly internalized. i didn't SAY i was ugly or that i didn't think anyone really liked me, but i thought it. and oh, how i wish i could go back and just get myself out of my head. i am glad we grow up. it still makes me vaguely uncomfortable to remember that girl, but i'm glad to know that i've learned since then.
though, to be honest, i didn't grow out of it all. there are days where i look in the mirror and i don't see anything good. and days where i still wonder why it seems i'm so replacable to others.
but that is not what you asked us. and what you asked is really hard, but i will try.
i like that even though i don't love my body and i look nothing like the girls in catalogs or on tv, i know i am not fat, and have never really been.
i like that i have hips, because it means that i have curves, and i think curves are pretty.
i like that i'm smart, and that i've never once doubted that, even if i know there are times when things make me feel stupid
i like that i am good with writing and editing and computers and graphics
I like that I don't half-ass things. If I do something, I try to do it well.
I care.
Hmmm. My body is something I have only loved for a brief season. I loved my body while I was pregnant. I love that I let my body do what it was meant to do when I gave birth. I loved feeling every moment of it (until the stitches - that was bad). I loved my breasts for the two years that I nursed even though they were/are painfully too large for my frame. They nourished my child. They were her security. Nursing kept me tied to her, even while at work.
I love my slender hands and feet. I love my toes and that the little toes all align in a nice steady angle downn from the big toe. I love that my hair is wavy. I love that my brown eyes have lots of sparkle.
I love that I am smart. I love that school was pretty easy for me. I saw some struggle and I tried to help. I love that I analyze everything. I love that I can put things together well, follow a map and have a good sense of direction when there is no map.
I love my friendships. I love having several friendships that have lasted more than 20 years and I'm only 32. I love to love and be loved. I love to listen, but I also love to talk.
I love that I love to read. I love writing my blog, even though I don't invite many people to read it. I love that while I'm not a crier, a good blog post from a mom or pet owner about their loves can bring tears to my eyes. I love that I have passionate emotions on both ends of the spectrum.
Most of all, I love that God made me who I am, and that he gave me a beautiful daughter to raise. I will do my very best.
love this post.
i have my mother's laugh. i'm pretty adventurous, and i'm a good cook. i love to have people over to my house and do so as often as the opportunity arises. i love people, and i'm a mentor to quite a few girls. i jump roped with my 5-year-old neighbor on tuesday, and i have my father's eyes.
This is great.
Sorry...so cliche just to say that, but I loved the writing and how you're making us all think (even before 8 a.m. for me...that's crazy... :-)
I'm at a down point right now and don't like much about myself, but I guess my hair is a good point about me!
thank you for this, erin.
i have a hard time loving myself, too. a lot. i'm going through lots of soul searching lately, & seeing how selfish & controlling & complaining i am makes it hard for me to imagine how anyone could love me, either. so THANK YOU for forcing me to look for & then publish the things i love about myself:
i am organized. i love to read. i'm really good with kids. i am learning to step beyond my fears.
thank you, erin. i love reading your blog. [& i love that you caught tommy's head. i searched through tons of posts a few weeks back until i found your birthing tommy story. i was so intrigued!]
Wow, great post! Makes ya think! Not ever having a great self esteem, means that it is hard for me to come up with a list like yours.
I love that I am a mother. I love that I was able to birth one of my 3 babies without drugs (even if it wasn't by choice). I love that my students feel they can open up to me. I love that I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband loves me.
This is a great post and I hate the fact that I"m struggling to think of 3 or 4 things I think are beautiful about myself.
I am a good mom.
I have been told that I'm good at putting people at ease.
I'm compassionate (at times to a fault).
Though I've got my fair share of scars (11 that come to mind), they are battle scars and badges of honor.
I'm good at finding the silver lining.
Thanks for making me think about this... I feel better now...
I have struggled with positive self image and confidence for many years. If I were to answer this question a few years back I probably would have nothing to say about what I love about my self. It was especially hard in my early 20s going to bars and clubs and having skinny pretty girlfriends and there was me- the only over weight one. I made myself go out there and dance anyway- but in the back of my mind was negativity and doubt. It didn't help that someone in my life would constantly tell me how fat I am and I'll never find a boyfriend because of it.
Over the last few years- I lost a lot of weight and my confidence soared. Unfortunately, since getting married in September I put some back on- whoops! Occasionally, some of that self doubt creeps back in, but I try everyday to be positive. Some days it's hard, some days not so much.
Sorry- at risk of sounding too much like a Debbie Downer there are some good things! I'm fiercely loyal and make a great friend. :) Also, I love my hair when I take the time to do it. I love the way it looks and smells from my products. Now only if I made time to do it everyday! Also, I love doing my make up. Much like you, if I'm wearing black, there is always a pop of color in my makeup or jewelry or shoes- I haven't even moved all my shoes in since being married for fear or annulment :). My eyeshadow always matches my outfit (I have way too much make up much to my husbands dismay. When I moved in he said THAT'S your make up case?!?!). People have told me I should do make up professionally- I love it and makes me feel good!
Sorry this is so long. I can't believe I wrote some of this, but thank you for making your blog a place we can feel comfortable and say things that are difficult. Always love your words!!!
This is a hard one. You caught me on a day when I am hard-pressed to find things I love about myself. Some days it comes easily, others it is a challenge. I'll try though....
I love my green eyes, and how whenever I wear a green shirt my eyes are all people notice about me.
I gave birth to 3 beautiful boys, who are so smart I sometimes wonder how they came from my husband and I.
I love my family with my heart and soul, and I would do anything for them.
Wish I could come up with more today. Maybe tomorrow.
I love you for this, and for doing it so well.
As for me, ouch. This has been stupid hard for me my whole life, and probably worse since Joel. I'll try.
I love that I never gave up on him, on miracles and on love. I love that my faith has shone through my grief.
I love my freckles, always and forever.
I love that somehow I love people even more now, I love that I learned good things from my son.
I love how I love my husband. I know I could always do it better, but when he tells me my love makes him a better man, I know I'm doing something right.
I love my smile.
Thank you for this!
I love you!
About me, I love that I learned my value, learned my brightness, and with that came love. I have a loving husband and a gorgeous son and I love that we're thriving.
I love my cheeks. I haven't always loved them, but man they are cute. I love that I give great back scratches. I love that people say they feel safe with me, and my hope is that I raise Milo to feel safe in the world. I love that people are excited to see me, especially because I bring tasty, tasty treats that I make myself. I love that I am becoming even more curious as I "grow-up" and it keeps my world exciting and my energy up. I love my legs, and I love that I can lift weights heavier than even some dudes at my gym. I love that I no longer feel the need to hide my strengths, both inside and out.
And my smile? Yeah. Love that too. :)
This was exactly what I needed..thank you thank you thank you!
I'm in college and in a sorority, so the pressure of looking "perfect" to others is extremely high and stressful. It's hard to remember what you like about yourself.
-I love my eyes and that they can change color between blue, green, and gray.
-I love that I can always make people laugh
-I love my fashion sense.
-I love that I have long blonde hair, and that it's 100% natural.
-I love that I am a good and loyal friend.
I admire you for posting this, and I love your sense of humor! Also, your boys are ADORABLE!
What a fantastic, beautiful, awesome post! I love the things I already knew about you and the things I just found out. How smart you are to acknowledge these wonderful things about yourself and share them. That's another wonderful thing about you!
But what I love about myself? I'll have to think about it a little.
Love this!
Okay: I love that when I smile, everyone knows I really, really mean it, and I smile a lot. I'm fiercely protective of my friends and family. I have really pretty fingernails with long nail beds so that even if my nails are cut short they still look long. My feet and toes are nice, like Krista's. I love my hair color. My skin is really soft. I'm a great wife. I'm an excellent speller. If I see something crafty that I like I can usually figure out how to make it myself. I'm compassionate and empathetic. I pray for the people inside whenever I see or hear an ambulance. I'm a pretty good cook without ever using recipes. I'm not a picky eater. If I love someone, they know it for sure. I'm bootylicious in jeans. And since I gained weight my boobs are pretty spectacular! :)
This was exactly the exercise I needed right now! :) Thanks, you beautiful soul. :)
More than anything, the thing I love most about myself is that I never quit. I don't give up. I fight through everything even when I don't think I can get any lower.
OH and I have GREAT boobs. Seriously, I do.
I love this post Erin.
Lately it's been tough for me to do something like this but here goes:
I have great dimples.
No matter how heavy I get or feel, I have freakishly skinny fingers and small feet for a 5'9" girl. Seriously. Size 5 ring finger and size 8 feet.
I don't hesitate to tell my children that I love them, acknowledge their good choices, or give them physical affection. Not having grown up with that myself, I am proud of who I am as a mother.
I am a survivor. No matter what. And that makes me beautiful.
This self dissatisfaction is what I see every day in the students I teach (HS) and this is what I want so much to instill in my girls - that they are beautiful, right now and always for many reasons.
I love my shoulder blades and my long neck. I love my sense of balance and rhythm. And I love that I can multi-task like a fiend!
Great thoughts!
Great post. I could've written so much of that post myself! I find it interesting that I look back at pictures of myself in high school and realize that I wasn't fat at all...even though I perceived myself that way!
I am "seeing" myself as I read your post! Oh how I hope that I can instill in our girls' hearts how fearfully and wonderfully made they are...how beautiful they are, despite the way I feel about myself. You are a beautiful lady! I am following your blog for sure!
I tried commenting from my phone the other night and it wasn't working. But it's probably good because at that time I couldn't think of anything to say.
I'm proud of several things I've done or am doing in my life, and that makes me feel beautiful. Outwardly, I've always loved that I have green eyes.
I am excited that there has been such a theme of beauty drifting thru our land lately.
Steph
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