Number Nine

Nine months ago, I bought a dress in the Juniors section at Kohl's. I remember feeling silly checking out, with my belly so far in front of me, but I needed something new. Yet, I couldn't very well justify buying a maternity dress, when I was just moments away from having a baby. I remember wandering the racks in the baby section, wondering if I'd have to buy pink dresses or if I'd get to watch a baby grow into Luke's clothes. I bumped into a former co-worker, and she asked when I was due. I happily chirped "the 16th!" And she said, "The 16th. Of THIS month?!" because she said I looked so great. I laughed and told her that I felt great, that I loved my belly. And I did. I do. My sweet Tommy belly. It's hard to believe that it's been almost nine months since he's been on the outside. It's hard to believe that my belly could stretch so far to make a dress take on an entirely different shape, but it did. It's hard to believe that nine months ago, I would lie in bed every night and imagine the moment when he was born. Not knowing that he was a he, but imagining my hands touching new baby skin. It's hard to believe that nine months ago, my body didn't know him like it does now. Sure, I knew his movements, the way he pushed and kicked and stretched all the time, but I didn't know HIM. The way he laughs and pretends to drop toys in the tub, just to make me say UH OH. The way his hair sticks up, no matter what I do to it. The way his hands always, always have to be in my mouth when I'm feeding him. The way he defines the term mama's boy, and although I sometimes roll my eyes and shake my head, I secretly delight in it. In how much he needs me, because I know it won't last long.