A hundred and one years ago, I blogged a photo of my very pregnant self on a balance beam and talked about how my balance felt so precarious. In real, literal life, I suck at balance. The Wii Fit board mocks me because I have no center of balance. Shane mocks me because I often walk into walls and tables and things that have not moved once in the five years I've lived in this house, yet I still manage to bang my shins on them daily.
In real, figuratively speaking life, I also suck at balance. It took me months to find balance as a mom of two kids. And then I finally found it, and we'd happily get up and eat breakfast and clean the house and just be together. Except that I found that balance roughly two minutes before I had to go work, and so, life kicked me off the balance beam, and I found myself face down in the dirt. Possibly crying.
To say the first two weeks back have been disastrous would be an understatement. Luke has had a really difficult time with the adjustment, much more difficult than I ever would have imagined. He's thrown temper tantrums, he's had sleep issues, he's spent countless minutes begging me to not go back to work--breaking my heart in the process. But we're getting there. Each day gets a little better.
Sunday night, I had a cleaning related meltdown. All week, the house got messier and messier and I kept thinking, I'll clean on the weekend, wanting to spend as much time as possible with the boys. Too tired to even think of cleaning. It's so hard because 8th graders take so much of my energy, and then I come home to two more balls of energy, and how on earth am I supposed to fit in vacuuming!?
But then the weekend came, and I thought, But it's the weekend! I don't want to clean! And so, I found myself at 6pm on Sunday night in a complete fit because I needed to clean the house and fold three loads of laundry in the hour before bedtime. Unfortunately when I mention the thought of hiring someone to clean to Shane, he refuses to pay someone to do something we can do on our own. And yes, I've tried the time vs. money argument and gotten nowhere. Monday, I made myself a cleaning schedule, knowing that although my heart is not in it when I get home from work, that if I break up the cleaning throughout the week, it'll make the weekends a little easier.
I'm only on day two, but as I type this, I'm sitting in a clean house. There's a load of laundry in the dryer and another waiting to be folded and put away tomorrow. Something tells me that in a few days, I might wobble back off the balance beam, but for now, my heels are dug in and I'm holding on to that balance for as long as I can.
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19 comments:
You are doing better than I. I've been an employed mom for exactly 3 years now - to just one kid. To be brutally honest, I have no less than 3 loads clean laundry tossed in my rocking chair that have yet to be folded. Well really half of them WERE folded, and then promptly unfolded by a certain blonde 3 year old. Oh and a load in the dryer too.
Pat yourself on the back. (((hugs)))
This is a great idea... maybe I'll start trying that. Maybe next week...
I feel as if you went into my brain and picked all my thoughts out (but wrote them in a much better and appropriate way)
as always...
I too am overwhelmed with housework. So we will both try to remain balanced together, but if we fall and end up in mud, we have to pick ourselves back up again. Yes that means more laundry, but it happens.
This whole adult balance act is very tricky, is it not? That should have been a class in high school. But I probably would have doodled all through that class too.
Love you and things will fall into place, just maybe not all the clothes.
xoxo
Here's hoping that you're back up on that balance beam in no time! You have so much on your plate right now, yet it is obvious that you are handling all those challenges with love and grace. You rock! Oh, and that cleaning schedule? You MUST share!!
I am so proud of you. Have I mentioned you make me proud? I am totally proud to be your friend.
And dear GOD, let me smack Shane over the head with a cast iron frying pan about the cleaning lady. For heaven's sake, logic man, logic.
You are so amazing, which makes me totally proud.
If I didn't mention that.
Erin, you have SO MUCH to balance - some of us don't do a very good job, and I know I have much less to balance than you do! I think you are doing just fine - I also do the 'little cleaning each day' schedule, and I find that it really helps- but I can completely understand wanting to spend every minute with your kids & not cleaning. :( Can you make games out of your chores & involve Luke??? I let Zachary play on the bed while I fold laundry at the end of the bed, and if I'm dusting I hand him a rag, too - he loves to 'help' alongside me. But I know it's still not the same as just playing together. :(
You're doing it friend. Mothering, teaching, wifing, one folded pair of underwear at a time.
Bri
That is so fantastic! Good for you. I still struggle with this too - my house usually needs a good cleaning at least one time a week. We'll be great about the dishes for a day or two and then it just starts stacking up. I get to the weekend and get my schoolwork done and then I just don't want to deal with the house. I try to clean everyday when I first get home with my daughter for about 15 minutes (when she is all excited to see her toys and plays happily for a bit) but that's not always enough.
However, my husband would SO GO for the cleaning lady. We just can't afford it. I say you hire one and just don't tell Shane. You can tell him it's a good Samaritan that just wants to help when they show up. ;-)
You are doing way better than I did when I was at that point in my life. I'd wait until it was unbearable and then I'd fix a big cup of coffee (usually on a Thursday night - I knew I could make it through Friday on no sleep and then hopefully recover over the weekend)and stay up all night doing laundry. I just couldn't seem to get it done in the spare two minutes between coming home and going to bed...
A cleaning schedule is a good thing to have.
It is the only thing that keeps my house from be a constant wreck.
I'm happy that your starting to have some success in adjusting to your life now that your back at work.
I hope things only get easier in the days to come. :-)
Oh my goodness... you ARE me in another generation, time, place and body! I was there. I was you. I actually remember getting all my lists done and the house and kids and all their stuff organized... and then one day I was on my way to work and thought about the socks that I had forgotten to take out of the dryer. I agonized over those socks for... oh... about 2 seconds... then realized that my life was perfectly chaotic without those socks... !!!! I never looked back and I still make lists that never get done!!
Ugh I hear you. I don't have kids yet but I am a teacher of 5 year olds and when I come in the door at night I pretty much just collapse on the couch. I am zonked. I try to do one thing a night as well. Though the dishes always are the ones that tend to stackup over the week. I just can't. So glad my husband likes to cook at night. But he also sits on his butt all day at work. ;)
My husband wouldn't let me hire a house cleaner either. We were both working full time and all of our fights had to do with a messy house. He came to my work one day and said he had just hired a house cleaner. He figured it would be cheaper than a divorce. :)
The cleaning kills me. i did have someone cleaning for me and it was WONDERFUL. but, I have made a few bad money decisions and had to put her on hiatus for a while and this makes me sooo sad, especially, when I have to spend two - three hours of my "free" time doing the cleaning on top of the laundry and shopping and everything else that I already do. I know that balance, and I feel bruised.
I know exactly how you feel! I finally sucked it up and made Sunday night my laundry night. It's also the night where I either clean off the DVR or watch a movie, which seems to make folding laundry a little more bearable....very little. Regardless, my dryer STILL always seems to have a clean load in it, and I can rarely see my laundry room floor!
As for the cleaning help, after a few initial arguments about the money, my husband and I both agree now that it's WAY cheaper than either a divorce or marriage counseling. I have someone who comes every 2 weeks which is just enough to keep us sane without breaking the bank. I promise you, I'd happily go without cable if the choice had to be made!
Start slowly. See if Shane would agree to once a month. Even a little help goes a LONG way!
You're doing so well! It's all about the little steps. And each week you'll take a step further onto the balance beam ... and before you know it, you'll be walking that bad boy like a pro.
You're doin' the best you can girl. Some days you'll fall off, some days you make it all the way across. That's just how it goes, you know? Just know we're here for you on ALL the days...
The balance is hard, I find myself trying to find it too. One day at a time, that's all you can do my friend.
I made myself a cleaning list also. One thing that I have found is that I have to wash and dry on one day, then fold the next. If I have to do it all in one day. I'm overwhelmed and stressed. I've been doing it for three weeks, and I am loving it!! Good luck finding you balance. :)
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