You Capture: Fall

I really don't like Fall, but I am really, really trying. It's not that I have anything personally against Fall, but it's just that I know snow is coming soon. And I really, really hate snow. REALLY.
The other day, I captured shots of Luke's muddy feet, but I also captured shots of what Fall means to me.

Fall days are unpredictable. Sometimes you start out bundled up, wishing for the sun to warm your cold nose...

And if you're lucky, the clouds start to break

Then you can look up a beautiful blue sky through the bare trees.

But my favorite thing about Fall are the flowers that hang on while all the others die. They make me think of myself, refusing to wear anything but flip flops on days when my toes turn purple from the cold.

Wear Your Love

Giveaway closed!
True Random Number Generator Min: Max: Result: 1
Congratulations Lauren!
This little fair haired gorgeous slice of baby is my new nephew, Finnian. Shane's sister and I have a knack for being pregnant at the same time, so her daughter is three months older than Luke, and Tommy is six weeks older than Finnian. It's wonderful to have cousins the same age.
What's also wonderful is when babies are born into families who can care for them, but the reality is that so many babies are not. I know that I've talked about my friend Lovelyn (@letlovegrow) before, but did you know that she's in Uganda RIGHT NOW, awaiting the court ruling on when she can bring her son home to his forever family? The whole process is amazing, and I've been so blessed to know someone like Love, because her open heart and arms move me in so many ways.

In this picture, I'm not only holding a sweet baby, but I'm wearing the Ugandan paper bead necklaces that Love has been selling to support the adoption process. I bought beads to give as Christmas gifts for every special person in my life, but one special person saw me wearing them and fell in love not only with how gorgeous they are, but with the story behind them. Before I knew it, she was buying several of her own, so I have an extra bead necklace.

I have to admit that I initially, selfishly, thought of keeping it for myself, but taking a note from Love (and from Steph, who also just gave one away), I want to be selfless and give it to one of you. To enter, just leave a comment. That's all! I'll pick a winner on Friday, October 30th.

Dirt Don't Hurt

Yesterday we decided to take advantage of the rare, beautiful weather and go hiking, after an extremely long day on Friday and Saturday. Luke had a great time collecting every leaf in the forest, and after walking about two miles, we decided to sit and soak up the sun.
As I went to sit on a bench, I saw this sign.


I read it out loud to Shane because it seemed so perfect, and then we joked about how whomever considered this place to be still and silent had never been there with Luke.
Two minutes later, Luke asked if he could take off his shoes. Instantly, Shane and I both said no. It was wet, muddy, and not really all that warm, but then we looked at each other, shrugged, and changed our no to an okay. Luke was thrilled, and before we knew it, these clean little piggies...

Threw sticks in the water

Collected leaves

And soon, they looked like this.

He didn't care. He laughed and ran and squished mud between his feet and said, EWW DIRTY, while I grabbed a moment to nurse Tommy. (Note: It is beyond ridiculously easy to nurse in the Hotslings AP.)

It was neither quiet nor still, but for us and one little boy with very muddy feet, it was most definitely a place that we all felt the happiness of our dreams come true.

Hotslings Adjustable Pouch {Babywearing Giveaway!}

Giveaway closed!
True Random Number Generator Min: Max: Result: 5
When Tommy was born, I had ring slings and wraps ready to try with him. While both worked out well for us, I have to admit that there was some trial and errors in trying to get him in there correctly, while also juggling a two year old. Some days, it just didn't work.

Shortly after Tommy was born, I bought a Hotslings. And it was LOVE. There was no trial and error, there was no making sure it was threaded correctly or tied just right, all I had to do was toss it over my shoulder, insert baby, and we were off. I wore him in it more than anything else.
The only thing I found problematic about pouches was the sizing. I'm often unsure of what size to buy because while my weight and height fit in one bracket, my cup size falls into another.

So when I heard that Hotslings was coming out with an adjustable pouch, I was beyond thrilled. Yes, adjustable! This new pouch is made to fit sizes 2-5 on the Hotslings size chart, so it really is close to one size fits all. When I received my sling in the mail, the first thing I noticed was how minimalist the packaging is. It's packaged in cardboard and very little cardboard at that, so I was impressed with how eco-friendly they made the packaging.
Some of the other features that really impressed me are that the sling comes in a matching drawstring bag, so it's easily tossed into a diaper bag and kept clean. Both sides of the pouch are padded, which gives it more structure to keep it slightly open when you have a tiny baby tucked in cradle carry. To make it even easier, Hotslings has added a red arrow that points directly to wear your neck should be, so that you always know where to position the sling. Furthermore, it is now made so that it's always folded and ready to go (the older style did need to be folded), which means that once you've adjusted the straps, it is ALWAYS ready to be thrown on in an instant. As I said earlier, having an older child means that I need something easy.

I really cannot rave enough about how much I love the Hotslings AP. Since receiving it, I haven't worn anything else. The buckles were easily adjustable, and the fit is beyond perfect. Because I was able to adjust it exactly how I needed, I feel like it was custom made for me.

We've worn it to play...

And to pick pumpkins!

And pretty much everywhere else we've gone!

Hotslings has generously offered to give a Hotslings AP to one lucky person! To enter, I need you to do two simple things:
Become a fan of Hotslings on Facebook
Follow Hotslings on Twitter and tweet a link to this giveaway (If you want to at me, I'm @erincharp)

Once you've done that, leave me a comment with a link to your tweet, and you'll be entered to win!

Winner will receive a Hotslings AP of his/her choice, shipped by Hotslings. Contest ends Thursday, October 29
I did receive a Hotslings AP of my choice (but because they're so awesome, I would totally have bought one!)

You Capture: Technology

Initially, I wasn't quite sure what to do with the topic of technology. However, my husband and I were watching a movie, and he started to complain about the obvious product placement (which he ALWAYS DOES during movies), so I decided to take "obvious product placement" of my favorite technological items--the ones I couldn't live without.

Oh, and they just all happen to be pink because I have a problem.

I don't really do the cooking around my house, but every now and then, I like to bake. This makes it so easy!

My hair would look even worse most days if it were not for this magic tool!

Shane gave me this for Christmas a few years ago, and I guess you are supposed to get mad if your husband gives you a vacuum, but I was SO excited.

After taking this photo, I realized that the blender had little fuzzies on it because it gets sticky from all the frozen margaritashealthy smoothies I make in it, so it got a good cleaning!

Business Cards {Winners}

Congratulations to Candi and Cameron! Random.org picked #4 &#5.

Thanks again to Uprinting.com for this great giveaway, and be sure to check out the postcards I'm giving away, too!

Swept Away

As Luke has grown, I've waited for him to become attached to something. As a baby, he never took a pacifier, despite my attempts. We've had stuffed animals around, but he's never become attached to any of them. Once, he became attached to a packet of instant oatmeal and took it everywhere for a week, but that relationship ended when the oatmeal packet broke open all over the backseat of my car. Certainly there are some things he likes more than others, such as dinosaurs, trainers, and big trucks, but I wouldn't say he likes one more than the other.

And then: enter vacuum cleaners. My child is obsessed with vacuum cleaners. He loves vacuums so much that he talks about them. He loves them so much that when he goes to the sitter's, he first makes me promise that I won't vacuum while he's gone, and then, he asks the sitter if she'll vacuum while he's there. He loves them so much that after first telling me he wanted to be a dinosaur for Halloween, he now says he wants to be a vacuum cleaner. Unfortunately for him, the dinosaur costume has already been made, so he will be dressing as a dino, NOT a Dyson.

I really wish I had a Flip because I would love to show you a video of Luke talking about vacuums. He can tell you what color vacuum cleaner people own and where they can keep. Seriously, Shane's mom has three vacuum cleaners, and he can tell you where each one is kept. The honest truth is that I'm kind of encouraging this vacuum cleaner love, and here's why: Luke loves it so much that he will CLEAN THE ENTIRE HOUSE just so I can vacuum. That's right, at the mere mention of vacuuming, he will put away all of his toys and make sure the floor is clean. He is for hire, if you're interested. I should mention that his love of vacuums does not stop at just plug in vacuum cleaners. No, he also loves to Swiffer. As a result, we mop the kitchen floor every single day. I have an old Swiffer, and he follows along with that while I use the Wet Jet. If he's going to be gone somewhere and I'll be home, he makes me PROMISE to neither vacuum nor mop while he's gone. Lucky for him, mama hates housework, so that's an easy promise to keep.

Our Friday Funday

Since Shane went back to work, I've been spending so much time trying to create fun adventures for Luke. Basically, I'm trying to pack in everything I want us to do before January. I know that it won't make it easier to return in January, but I know that I'll least I'll return knowing that we made the most of our days together.

The best thing we've done lately is visit Bellaboo's last Friday. This place just recently opened, so not only had we never visited, but I didn't know anyone who had visited, either. From looking at the website, I thought it was just indoor play with various things to do. I was actually worried because we weren't meeting any friends, and I was afraid that Luke wouldn't get the most of it since I'd have to split my time with Tommy.

In a rare moment, my expectations were met...and exceeded. From the moment we walked in, I was so impressed. I was impressed with the security, as they tagged us all with wristbands when we first entered, even Tommy. We were greeted by a police officer who appeared to be acting as security, and everywhere I looked, there were signs saying that adults without children in attendance would NOT be admitted. I felt that if for some reason I had to take my eye off of Luke, he would be safe. I was also impressed by the cleanliness. It was bright, airy, and filled with sinks and soap at KID height, so the kids could always clean their hands.

And then the place itself. Oh, Luke hardly knew where to begin. He first ran into the water room, and shortly after, an employee came in and began to speak to him. She showed him how the water currents and the dam worked, and the entire time we were in the water room, she played with him. At first, I just thought that she was especially nice, but as we went on, I realized that ALL of the employees were like that. Every single person who worked there interacted with the children on an educational and personal level, and best? They seemed to truly enjoy it.

We visited the train room, which Luke, of course loved.

And if you know Luke, you KNOW he loved the ball pit

I loved it, too, because not only was it clean, but this target would pull up the balls and send them through a cleaner, plus I was assured by an employee that the ball pit was cleaned each and every day.

After I drug Luke out of the balls, we went to the block room, where he became an astronaut who specialized in carpentry.

He also did an awesome art project. I wish I had pictures of this, but I was nursing Tommy at the time. A wonderful employee helped Luke trace autumn leaves, cut them out, and then make tissue paper flowers. While Luke was working on his art project, she also read a story to all of the children with the kids, interacting and making them all a part of the story. Luke got to take all of his art projects home, of course.
Finally, we stopped in at the cooking class, where Luke made a recreation of autumn leaves with small cubes of Jello.

While the kids were all "cooking," the employees discussed color using the Jello cubes, plus sang songs.

In short, our time was nothing short of amazing. We spent two and a half hours here, and we still didn't have time to see everything! In fact, we loved it so much that we'll hopefully return soon, plus we're really considering having Luke's birthday party there.
If you live in Northwest Indiana, have you been? What did you think? If you don't live in my area, do you have any place like this near you?

Bellaboo's did not in any way pay for or endorse this entry or even know that I was writing it. I just loved it so much that I wanted to give them a little free advertising--honest!

Your Songs {Review}

I was recently given the opportunity through One2One Network to receive and review Harry Connick Jr's new CD, Your Songs. For those of you unfamiliar, the CD is a compilation of well-known songs by various artists, all covered by Harry Connick Jr, along with a full jazz band and backing string orchestra.

While playing the CD at dinner one night, my husband labeled this as, "Elevator music... but good." His description stuck with me, as in a lot of ways, it is like elevator music... played quietly in the background, it's not distracting. Yet, unlike most elevator music, it's extremely appealing to listen to and never gets old. I enjoyed this CD so much that I think I'll definitely be buying a copy for my parents for Christmas!

The tracklist (with original performers' names) is as follows:

All The Way (Frank Sinatra)

Just The Way You Are (Billy Joel)

Can’t Help Falling In Love With You (Elvis Presley)

And I Love Her (The Beatles)

(They Long To Be) Close To You (The Carpenters)

Besame Mucho

The Way You Look Tonight

First Time Ever I Saw Your Face (Roberta Flack)

Your Song (Elton John)

Some Enchanted Evening
And I Love You So (Don McLean)

Who Can I Turn To? (Tony Bennett)

Smile (Charlie Chaplin)

Mona Lisa (Nat King Cole)

The ONE Thing

When I started blogging, I swore to myself that there was ONE thing that I wouldn't talk about, and that was anything of the bathroom nature. I didn't want to be THAT mom who was constantly talking about her child's bathroom habits. Aside from the time I told you about drinking from a disgusting cup, I have kept to that.

Until now. But really, this post is not about the potty, but about my friend Sarah's magic toilet. No, really, Sarah has a magic toilet. Before Tommy was born, Luke was about 75% potty trained. We were really rolling. After Tommy was born, he did well for awhile, and then he regressed. I didn't sweat it too much because I've heard that's normal, but I have to admit that it was frustrating to have him say, "No, I go in my DIAPER," when I knew he was fully capable of going on the potty.

This went on for weeks, until one day when we went to Sarah's to play with Asher. Luke disappeared, and I thought I should probably go see what trouble he was causing. I walked into the bathroom to find him with pants and pull up off, sitting on the toilet. He proudly said, "I go peepee on Asher's potty!" From that point on, Luke has peed on the potty EVERY SINGLE TIME. Seriously, every single time.

However, he still continued to poop in his pull up and would refuse to do otherwise. Until last Friday, when we went to Sarah's house. Luke again disappeared, and when he reappeared, he announced to me that he pooped on the potty. I checked, and he had. And since then? EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

When Tommy turns two, we're going to Sarah's house armed with nothing but a pair of underwear and some candy rewards (okay, probably just underwear because if I know Sarah, she'll have candy in the house already). And in the meantime? I'm pretty sure Sarah needs to think about renting out that magic toilet to all those desperate potty training mothers out there.

Postcards {Giveaway}

I love to send (and receive!) mail, but in all honesty, with the rising costs of postage, that becomes more and more difficult. A solution to that is to send postcards because postcard stamps still remain relatively cheap. However, where are you going to find postcards that are really fun to send out to everyone, unless you're someone who vacations a great deal?
Luckily, UPrinting.com has the solution! UPrinting offers postcard printing, not only at a great cost but they allow you the option of uploading your own design template OR using one of theirs. This means that you can design postcards to use for invites to an upcoming event, to advertise, or to use as thank you notes. When I got married, we actually used postcards for Save the Date cards, and they turned out really cute! Personally, I'm going to use my postcards as thank you notes, with a photo of the boys on the front. With Christmas coming up, I'm sure we'll have a lot of use for these.

UPrinting has generously offered to give away 100 postcards to two winners! To enter, all you need to do is leave a comment telling me how you would use these postcards. I can't wait to hear! If you'd like an extra entry, tweet about this giveaway.

Contest specifics:
Contest ends October 28.
Size: 4x6; Paper: 14pt Cardstock Gloss; Printing: Full color both sides
Shipping: FREE UPS Ground Shipping in the US (Canadian residents pay shipping and taxes. Offer not available to residents outside of the US and Canada)
For hosting this giveaway, I received 100 postcards

Be Still

With two energetic boys, I mainly take photos of movement. Capturing a still life is something I've never tried before, so it was fun for me.

I love flowers in cut glass vases because you can see the green stems. These are probably the last fresh flowers we'll get to cut for many months.


Orange and black jellybeans! As much as I love candy, I think black licorice anything is an abomination and should be outlawed, but Shane and Luke both love them.

Last weekend, my bestie Leah came to visit and drank this delicious pina colada martini. I had a triple chocolate bliss martini and while it was SO good, it wasn't as pretty as Leah's!

I know this doesn't really count as still life, but he's pretty still when he sleeps!

Up

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a bad day. Luke didn't listen that day. He was mean to his brother, he kept taking off his shoes, and leaving the trail. We were at an arboretum, and he pulled leaves off of all the trees, and I kept saying, NO, no, we're here to enjoy nature, not destroy it. Okay, actually what I probably said was, AHH STOP IT PLEASE LISTEN WHERE'S MY MARGARITA!?

Last night, I looked back at the photos of that day... and I can't remember why it was bad. I mean, I can remember, but I just can't remember that it was as bad as I thought it was. Because what I see are two sweet boys enjoying the sunshine and the air that is no longer warm enough to enjoy without jackets.

Two sweet boys giving nose kisses

Blowing raspberries

And radiating light


As parents, Shane and I are pretty middle of the road. We're fairly strict about bedtime and naptime and lunchtime, but if something occurs that throws us off schedule, we go with it. I don't understand why I couldn't go with it that day, but I've learned from it. I've learned that the best days are what we make of it, and maybe Luke's best day that day didn't involve hiking. Maybe it involved sitting in the grass with his shoes off for hours, instead of for only minutes, and maybe I should have let him. Next time I will. Next time, I'll take my shoes off, too.

Business Cards {Giveaway}

As someone relatively new to the world of blogging, I didn't really get business cards until I attended my first blog get together. Everyone was handing out business cards, and I was all, "Hi, my name is Erin, and uhh... you're not going to remember me."

After that, I learned the importance of business cards! Did you know that as well as the many other printing options offered, the online printing company, UPrinting.com, offers business card printing?

There are so many ways you can use these business cards. You could, of course, use them as a blogger business card. You could use them to advertise for a garage sale or to simply hand out your name and information to people you meet.

UPrinting has generously offered to give 250 business cards to two lucky winners*
To enter, simply leave a comment telling me how you would use these cards. For extra entries, you may twitter about this giveaway or even blog about it.
Good luck!

Giveaway ends October 21st. Offer good to US citizens. Residents of Canada must pay shipping and taxes, residents of other countries not eligible.
*For hosting this giveaway, I did receive 250 business cards

Hold On

The date on the back of this photo says October 13, 2001. So many years ago. At that time in my life, so much was uncertain, but I knew that I wanted to hold on to him forever.

(Sorry about the CORN in the photo, but this IS Indiana.)
Once a very long time ago, Shane's dad asked if we were ever separate in photos. If I could ever be in a picture with Shane without having my arm or hand on him in some way. I told him no, that I couldn't, and it's true. In eight years, I haven't wanted to let go. I hope I never do.

(This is my most very favorite of our recent touchy-touchy photos, even though I look like a pale, washed out version of myself, but HELLO, I just had a BABY.)

Big & Small

In middle school, we had to take six week rotating classes. The classes covered art, drafting, woodshop, cooking and sewing. I sucked at art, drafting involved something boring, in woodshop, I did my best to set back women's lib by asking boys to finish my projects. I liked cooking because we got to eat, and I got an F in sewing. Yes. An F. Needless to say, my mom who is a pretty decent seamstress nearly strangled me.
I have clothing issues. Serious clothing issues. Right now, I weigh about ten pounds less than I did when I got pregnant with Luke. Maybe only five pounds less after this past weekend's food binge. Anyway, even though I weigh five-ten pounds LESS than I did back then, there is not a chance of my jeans from then ever fitting.

Because in case you didn't know, having two babies, one of them nine pounds, does THINGS to your hips. Not pretty things. Things that cause the following scenario to happen:
I go clothes shopping and pick out a cute pair of low-rise jeans. I grab a six. They fit nicely over my thighs, but then they just stop at my hips. I don't even try to button them because I know I don't have a hope. Move up to a size eight. Same scenario. Grab a size ten, and they maybe button over my hips, but then they bag horribly in my thighs and over my flat, white girl booty. Seriously, you might not think it's possible to make jeans look like parachute pants, but this is how they fit me.

At this point, I return the jeans and stomp out of the store in a fit of disgust that clothing designers don't realize that women aren't uniform, that we're big in some places and small in others. Now, let's pretend that I DIDN'T get an F in sewing all those years ago. What would I do? I'd open a boutique called Big & Small, and I'd take clothing orders for women. I'd make clothes that fit THEIR bodies, so they never had to worry about muffin tops or parachute pants ever again. I'd make the clothes big in the right places and small in the places that were small. I'd make sure the women leaving the shop looked and felt as gorgeous as they deserved, instead of worrying that the clothes were emphasizing the worst parts of their bodies and hiding the best.

Oh, and as long as I'm talking about my ridiculous body, I should add that the cute boys who came out of it are SO WORTH IT. And speaking of one of those cute boys, you might maybe want to go here and vote for him (NUMBER FIVE)?


My freakishly disproportionate hips and thighs thank you for the vote.

Yesterday

Last night, my world became one person larger. The person? Sweet and beautiful and perfect and oh, her name.

And then there's her mama. A ROCKSTAR, people, a serious rockstar. Im sure she'll tell her story soon, but I want you to know that this girl handled labor like a pro. Seriously, she was showing me her new curtains IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONTRACTION.

Beth and I paced the hospital waiting room like expectant fathers, amusing ourselves with stupid stories and stupid tweets while we waited for the news. At one point, her doula walked past (who is also my doula), and I very nearly tackled her to get some news. (This was right after Beth attempted to convince me that *I* had to go find out news because *she* had to nurse Tommy.)

An hour later, her husband came in and told us the news, and then, we got to meet the most perfect, beautiful little girl I have ever seen, with the most perfect, beautiful, GLOWING mama I have ever seen.

She was well worth the wait.

You Capture: Red

'Tis the season for red, isn't it? Red mums, red leaves, red noses from the chill in the air.

Of course, I have the obligatory red leaves. I like these leaves because they're not yet all the way red, making me think (hope?) that maybe summer hasn't completely left us yet.

Then there's Luke in his new red coat ($10, thank you Old Navy!) about to get a piggy back ride at a nearby Arboretum. We spent an hour and a half hiking and running on Sunday. Tommy slept in the sling the entire time, and it was just a lovely way to spend the morning with my three favorite boys in the whole wide world.

I wish that this photo looked better, but I snapped it with my phone two seconds before I devoured this piece of RED velvet cake. It was amazing, but I'd already consumed roughly 8000 calories at dinner, so I'm pretty sure I suffered a minor heart attack after eating it. SO WORTH IT.

Finally, this is my favorite red lipstick. It is matte and very old Hollywood. Unfortunately, it is also very hard to pull off unless you are wearing the right outfit and eye makeup, so I only wear it about twice a year. As a testament to how little I wear it, I bought this tube four years ago with Leah (we walked into the MAC store and demanded that teach us to wear red lipstick), and it looks hardly used! Speaking of Leah, she's just beginning blogging again and is going through a tough time, so if you have a free moment, could you please swing by her site? I will love you forever!

I hope you enjoyed my red captures!

Step By Step

Big hand, little hand

They both hold my heart.

Judge Not

Since becoming a mom almost three years ago, I've always felt the whole mommy wars was blown out of proportion. At least, whenever people would tell me they felt judged for formula feeding, I always had a hard time believing it. Truly, I've received so many rude comments and statements from co-workers and family members about breastfeeding (especially about nursing past a year) that I felt like I got more rudeness for NOT bottle feeding, plus you always hear about people being so rude to moms who nurse in public (although I've thankfully never felt this). At the very least, I knew that I'd never said anything to anyone about how they feed their kid, because hey, it's just important that babies are being fed, right? Granted, I'm guilty of thinking my way is the best simply because it works so well for me, but who isn't guilty of that at times? Sometimes I can be a total Judge-y McJudgerson, but I like to remember the adage that if you can't say something nice to someone, then maybe don't say anything at all.

Saturday night, Shane and I went out to dinner with Tommy, while Luke stayed home with Grandma. I ordered a caramel appletini because I'd just fed Tommy and knew that I was going to eat SO MUCH food that I wouldn't feel the alcohol, and Tommy certainly wouldn't. After I ordered, the waitress looked at me, looked at Tommy, and icily said, "So, you're obviously not breastfeeding, then" in the same tone of voice that one would say, "So, you're obviously the worst mother ever, then." Shane and I looked at each other and I had to collect my wits for a second before I said, "No, I am. My midwife said one drink is fine, thanks." And then it was like someone flipped a switch, and she happily chatted to me about how she heard that red wine and dark beers are good for nursing and how her sister is a home birth midwife and so on.

But really, what if I wasn't breastfeeding because I was on a medication that could be passed to the baby? Or what if I'd tried really hard and it didn't work out? Or what if I just didn't want to do it? How would she have made me feel, then? She made me feel judged, and I WAS breastfeeding. In a society where we're given so many mixed messages, is it so hard for women to just support each other? We're told that we need to be happy and glowing during pregnancy and that the second the baby is born, we must jump right back into our old jeans and have a perfect body. And if we don't, well, that's what plastic surgery is for. We're told that strong, independent women work outside of the home so if you choose to stay home, you're letting women everywhere down, yet we're also made to feel that if we work outside of the home, we're letting someone else raise our children and we're failing as a mom.
There are so many mixed messages that come at women, that come at moms, that it's not easy. The least we can do for each other is smile at another mom, tell her her baby is beautiful, and that she's doing a great job. Don't worry about if she's going back to work or if she's giving her baby breast or bottle, just let her know that she's doing the best job possible, because you know what? She probably is, but she probably doesn't think it, and even if she doesn't believe you... you'll probably make her day.

And in the meantime? Just let me drink my martini in peace!

Hello, My Name Is Crazy

I'm going to admit something here that I've never admitted before, ever. EVER.

Unfortunately, it's not very exciting, so I hope you're not missing out on anything important to sit here and read my revelation. I didn't used to be man, and I'm not admitting some kind of great lie, like I really secretly hate sugar or something (which would be DUMB, not exciting).

No, call me crazy, but I've always been intrigued by the idea of being a pregnancy surrogate. And not just because I could wear a shirt that says WOMB FOR RENT, even though that would be hilarious. Is that crazy? Probably, but I love being pregnant, and if I could, I would rival Michelle Duggar for pregnancies, but seeing as how TLC isn't likely to build me a bigger house just for popping out babies, it isn't going to happen any time soon. Also, I love the idea of carrying a baby for someone who can't carry it themselves for whatever reason. I don't know if I could ever really do this for someone I didn't know, but if someone I knew and loved asked me to... I'd do it in a heartbeat. I think it'd have to be someone I know because I feel like even though the baby wasn't mine, I'd still form an emotional attachment and would want to be a part of that baby's life. Oh, and also, if I have to deal with the flabby post-partum stomach, it'd have to be for someone I love, because people, Tommy is ten weeks old, and I'm STILL spending approximately 15 hours a day sucking in my stomach.
The odds of me ever doing something like this are slim to nil, but it's kind of neat to entertain the idea that I WOULD do it.

As long as I'm admitting things, did you know that the only live births I've ever seen are my own? I'm not even sure if that counts because the first time, I was in so much pain and so angry that I kept my eyes shut tight until it was over. And the second time, it happened so fast and I was so busy thinking OH NO I AM NOT DOING THIS OMG YES I AM that I really wasn't in the moment. I have friends who have said I could be there when they have babies, but none of these friends have had babies. If I had a job with a flexible schedule (or no job at all, if there are any sugar daddies out there), I would most definitely be a doula because I'd love to be there when babies are born. Even though I don't have a flexible job, I'm still thinking of taking doula classes with Sarah Viola. Don't you think Sarah and I would make a sweet doula team? I'd hire us.

But instead, I'm just waiting patiently for those friends to get pregnant. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go replace all of their birth control pills with Tic Tacs.

Best and Worst

I love Charles Dickens, so it's fitting that my life lately has been a series of "the best of times and the worst of times." There are days when I absolutely love what I have right now, days when my heart tears at the thought of leaving this all behind in a few months for a job that I could never love as much as I love my two boys.

And then there are days when I kind of (but not really) wish I was back at work. Days when at every misbehavior from Luke, I convince myself that it's my fault. That he gets the worst of me. That I must be the worst parent in the world because some days I am short on patience, energy, and time. Some days I feel like I'm being pulled in a million different directions, none of them right. I never chalk Luke's behavior up to his being a two year old, instead I chalk it up to my being a bad parent and thinking every other two year old in the world is better behaved than he is.

Yesterday we had a day that seemed so right in my head. Hiking and running around at a nearby arboretum. But in my head isn't always the same as reality, and in reality, Luke didn't listen to a single word I said. He pushed and tested, and I counted to ten so many times that I'm sure I must've reached a million. We came home, and he tried to run away across the yard. Then naptime wasn't working because the neighbor kids apparently needed to stand under his bedroom window and scream, so I took him into our bed and tried to cuddle him to sleep. Instead, he grabbed my face and pinched it so hard that I burst into tears at the pain and frustration of it.

Immediately he dropped his hands and said, "I'm sorry, mama, it's okay, mama," and wrapped his arms around me, bringing my head to his shoulder. He kissed my forehead and said, "I pat you," and he patted my back and stroked my hair JUST like I've done for him a million times before. We fell asleep curled into each other, my tears drying on his sweater, his hands curled in my hair. And in the last few minutes before sleep took us, I realized that even though he may sometimes get the worst of me, he still gets the best of me, and maybe he can't fight the two year old lack of impulse all the time, but he can still be my sweet boy just when I need him to be.