Hats Off

Shane has agreed to write up his version of Tommy's birth story, now I just need to coerce him into doing it SOON. He has the memory of a fly (and also, he's so not techno savvy that I'm not even sure he knows what a blog is), so he truly forgets everything two seconds after it happens. If he doesn't write it up soon, I'm afraid his version will read like this: "Erin woke me up, then she started yelling, and then she had a baby on the stairs, the end."

I know when I wrote about that night, I talked about looking up and realizing the kitchen was full of firefighters, while I sat there in all my naked glory. I didn't tell you, though, how one fireman was brave enough to come downstairs, and how he was so very nice. He told me that they didn't have an OB kit or a bulb syringe, and I remember thinking, "We have a bulb syringe upstairs," but I was not thinking straight and thought that if I told him that, he'd make me walk upstairs and get it. Instead, I told him that I cleared Tommy's nose and mouth with my finger. Even though they didn't have an OB kit, they did have a teeny, tiny baby hat that he gently put on Tommy's head while holding him ever so safely. Before we left that night, he shook Shane's hand and told him congratulations.

(It fit a lot better the night he was born.)

Isn't the hat darling? When we got to the hospital, they put on the standard pink and blue striped hat, and the nurse tried to throw this hat away because it had blood on it. I was all, ARE YOU ON CRACK, LADY? and instead had her put it with our things. I'm glad I did. It's so tiny and it reminds me how the entire way to the hospital, I peeked at his dark, dark hair curling around the edges of the hat.
It also makes me think of the very kind firefighter, as well as the very kind EMTs. I've already told you how they were my angels, but I didn't tell you how three days after Tommy was born, I received a card from the two EMTs. Indeed, before most of our family sent cards, they sent me one telling me they were so blessed to be a part of his birth. It made me cry. And then a week later, we went to the fair, and Shane saw the fireman who was downstairs with me that night. Shane said, "I think you were there when he was born." The fireman jumped up and shooked both of our hands, then asked how Thomas was doing. He remembered his name. I joked that it was good to see him when I had clothes on, and he laughed and told me to bring him down to the fire station to show him off. Shane thanked him for all they did that night, and he said no thank you was needed, as we'd already done all the work when they arrived.

When Luke was born, I found out who my true friends were, because I lost a lot of friends when I became a mom. But when Tommy was born, I didn't lose any friends. Instead, I saw the happiness he brought to people. To the firefighter and the EMTs who have jobs where they must often see the saddest of cases, he brought light and hope. A healthy, beautiful baby with an APGAR of 9, already cradled in his mama's arms. And to us, he showed us the goodness of the hearts of others, of those for whom work is more than just a job, but instead, a calling. I've always said that as a teacher, I have the utmost respect for those others in the public service calling, like firefighters and policemen, but now that I've truly seen the passion with which they do their jobs... well, my hat is off to those men and women.

My First Love

There are so many stories from the night Tommy was born that didn't make it into his birth story. I'm trying my hardest to tell them, if not just for my own memories, but time is short these days. I'm also trying to get Shane to guest post and tell his own version of Tommy's birth, so please leave some comments convincing him! Flattery will always work.

This story is about my dad.

I've talked about my dad before, how close we are, how he was truly my first love. I'm lucky to have a dad who is exactly how dads are to be.

The day I went into labor with Tommy, I called my mom after my appointment. I told her I was progressing and that I was having sporadic contractions. I told her to keep the phone nearby just in case, even though I wasn't entirely sure that it was the real thing. My mom, of course, passed this news onto my dad, who was sure it was the real thing--much more sure than my mom and myself.

Apparently, at about 9 or 10 that night, before going to bed, my dad kept nagging at my mom to call me and check up on me. She told him, no, that I'd call them if and when it was time. Still, she said he kept asking her if she didn't think that maybe they should call and just get Luke anyway, just in case. She told him, no, that it'd be hours even if I was in labor, and they went to bed.

When I called at 11:48, she answered the phone right away. I said, I think it's time for you to come over, so they jumped in the car. Initially, my dad wasn't even going to come along because her plans were just to crash in our bed until the morning, but at the time, three convicts had just escaped from a nearby prison, and he didn't want her to drive alone.

She said he drove her nuts on the ride over because he kept saying, "I hope she didn't wait too long." She told him that I was totally calm on the phone, but he still kept telling her that he didn't think I was going to make it to the hospital. When they came around the corner and saw the flashing lights, he said, "I told you she waited too long." My mom told him, no, the flashing lights were at the neighbors, until they got closer and saw that they were in our driveway, and my dad said, "She waited too long!"

At this point, I was already in the ambulance and shortly after, my entire family crowded in the back. First my mom holding Luke, then Shane, then my dad. My mom and Shane immediately asked how Tommy was, but my dad looked right at me and said, "How's Erin?" The EMT in the back with me laughed and said, "That's just like a dad... making sure his little girl is okay."

So next time, forget cervical checks and timing contractions...if my dad says I'm in labor, I'm going to listen!

Blind Fate

His Papa's first name is his middle name.

He has his Papa's chin, which is my chin, too.

He has his Grammy's long toes. They're my long toes, too.

Sharon asked how my parents met, because without that moment, there'd be no me. There'd be no little boy with a cleft chin and long toes.

My parents met on a blind date. Can you imagine a blind date back when it was really, truly blind? You couldn't Google anyone's name. You definitely couldn't check out their Facebook. Sure, you might know a few things about them from the friends who suggested you go on a date. Maybe he knew that she had red hair and twirled batons. Probably she knew that his parents owned a popular restaurant, but past that I don't know.

I do know that he was late. On their first date. I also know that it's a good thing my mom is so forgiving, otherwise four children and six (seven in January!) grandchildren wouldn't be here. But she was, and so here we are, all thanks to one blind date.

If You Just Smile

I'm not going to lie. Last week was hard. It was Shane's first full week back to work, and my parents were on vacation. I went from loads of help to flying solo with two boys, and I spent most (okay, all) of the week doubting myself as a mother. There were tears and apologies and time outs and more tears, but we survived.

This week, I'm going to start with a smile. As luck would have it, a lot has made me smile lately.

First, I want you all to meet my friend Lovelyn, if you haven't already. Love is in the midst of an amazing journey, that will hopefully soon culminate in her having two new babies in her home and her arms. She's selling shirts and beautiful necklaces to help fund the adoption process, and I encourage you to please check both out. If you can afford one or both, I would consider you to be very special. Even if you can't afford them, please read her story and leave her a comment. That would still make me think you are very special.
The other night, I was fortunate enough to escape from the house (trust me, I needed it), and I met Love for coffee. I asked about her babies right away, and oh, it gave me chills to hear her talk about all she's going through to get these babies and to see how big her heart is. She makes me smile.

You probably already know that Beth makes me smile, but because she is hilarious and also a bully, she asked me some pretty funny questions on my Q&A post, which made me smile. And even though she asked them AFTER I was done answering everything, I'm still going to give her these answers, probably because she just thought I'd tell her to shut up and ignore them. Beth had three questions:
Has anyone ever made you an awesome waffle cone? What was it like and who made it, by the way?
Once at Dairy Queen, I had a really good waffle cone. THE END. Okay, not really. When I was 38ish weeks pregnant with Tommy, I was at Beth's house with my girls. Beth made brownies, and I brought ice cream. The brownies and ice cream were great, but I was all, I WANT MORE, because that's how I roll with dessert. So Beth used the waffle cone ice cream to make me a waffle cone. EXCEPT that she also mixed a brownie in with it, and it was pretty much the best thing ever when I started eating it. Then I got to the bottom of the cone and realized that she had shoved an entire chunk of brownie in there, and I almost wept at the beauty of that waffle cone.

How quickly can you eat a bacon cheeseburger from Redamak's?
True story, when we went out for my birthday dinner, I ate a bacon cheeseburger so quickly that everyone blinked and my burger was gone. And also, not only can I pretty much inhale a bacon cheeseburger from Redamak's, but I can inhale it after having a root canal and only having the use of one side of my mouth. I'M THAT GOOD.

And last but not least, have you any fears of animals?
Now, Beth initially called me a freak or something for this fear, but I promise you will all understand when I explain. I am afraid of turkeys. In fact, I hate them so much that I don't even eat turkey. That said, I support everyone else eating turkey because turkeys are evil. Growing up, we had turkeys and chickens. When I was about four years old, this one super jerk of a turkey bullied me. Every time I would go outside to play, it would corner me against a tree or a wall and PECK AT ME. Now, this might be funny, until you stop and think about the height of a turkey compared to the height of a four year old. Yeah, they're about the same height! Every time I'd go outside, I'd peer out first to make sure the turkey was nowhere around, but inevitably, that stupid turkey would find me and harass me, until my mom would come chase it off. Thus, turkeys are evil.


And finally, nothing makes me smile more than someone smiling at me...

Everybody Is Talkin' 'Bout Peace In The World

This week's theme for You Capture is Peace. Initially, I struggled with this. My life hasn't felt very peaceful lately. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, but I'm also FRAZZLED.
Still, there is so much peace to be found, if you only take the moment to look for it (in other words, give peace a chance).
There is peace in sitting amongst the newly sprouted Queen Anne's Lace that dot our backyard
"Soft and sweet
How the notes all bend and reach above the trees, trees"

Peace in the sun breaking through the trees after a cloudy morning
"But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see"
Peace in finding moments to steal a hug
"Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me, me"
Peace in puckering up for a kiss
"Now how I remember you
How I would push my fingers through
Your mouth to make those muscles move
That made your voice so smooth and sweet"
Peace in beautiful days at the park with friends
"What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round' the sun
And when we meet on a cloud
I'll be laughing out loud
I'll be laughing with everyone I see"

I hope you found your peace this week.

Lyrics from "In The Aeroplane Over The Sea" by The Neutral Milk Hotel

Answers Part THREE!

Seriously, you've all given me so much to write about, and I love it!

Nancy asked what three things (besides food and my boys!) would I take if I was stranded on a deserted island. I love this question because it's something I do with my students when I teach Island of the Blue Dolphins. First, I would take a lighter or something to start fires with, until I got the hang of lighting a fire by rubbing sticks together. Second, I would definitely want my iphone. Third, I'm going to say a case of good wine to keep me entertained until I figure out how to make my own alcohol out of coconut juice.;)

Maricris asked what the biggest challenge has been with having a new baby. It definitely has been a challenge finding our balance. Luke will want me to play trains with him right when Tommy needs to eat it, and it's hard to do both at once. Also, getting out of the house is hard. I swear, it took us two hours to get dressed and ready out the door, and this was with going to McDonald's for breakfast because I just didn't have time for anything else!

Candi reminded me of how when I was in college, we used to make quote posters (a quote that meant something to us with decorations or nice lettering) to decorate the dorm room. She asked if I was to make one today, what would it say. I would definitely use this quote, by Maya Angelou: "You did then what you knew how to do and when you knew better, you did better."
If that doesn't sum up parenting, I don't know what does!

Kelsi asked about my teacher plans. I plan on returning to work second semester, the day after MLK Jr Day. In a perfect world, I'd plan on returning to work after the kids were in school, but unfortunately, we just can't make it work financially. Still, I am thankful to have a job that allows me to take a longer maternity leave.

Keely asked if I was going to murder her with a gun or a knife for not taking a course on John Steinbeck. The answer to that is burning at the stake, after some waterboarding. For those of you who don't know, I LOVE JOHN STEINBECK. I once put in a bio in a literary magazine that he was my dead author boyfriend.

pinkflipflops asked where I attended college and what was my major. I went to Indiana University, and my major was Secondary English Education. I really loved IU and southern Indiana!

Love's question made me laugh because she asked if I loved NKOTB. I laughed because although most of my classmates were so into them in elementary school, I was not! As I said before, I have older siblings, and they made sure that I had some taste in music. So in third grade, I was listening to the Gin Blossoms and various musicals instead of NKOTB.
Love also asked what quality I'd like to instill in Luke and Tommy, if I could pick one. I would definitely instill RESPECT in them. I want them to know that they must respect women and that no means no, period. I want them to treat the girls they are dating exactly how they would want someone to treat their mother.

Mendie asked what advice I'd give to someone who is TTC to make for an easier pregnancy. The first advice I'd give is to go into it healthy. You'll feel better starting off the pregnancy healthy. The second advice is to stay active and DON'T listen when people tell you that you're eating for two. You are, to an extent, but not to the extent that you should eat two dozen donuts every day! I'd also advise seeing a chiropractor. I did not do this during my first pregnancy, and I really think it made the difference the second time around in getting Tommy into the right position for a quick, easy labor. Luke was not in a good position, which made for a long, hard labor and almost a c-section.


Inthefastlane had some great questions. One, am I really a dirty hippie? Yes and no. I was raised by very eco-conscious and earth friendly parents. They recycled before it was widespread. We used to raise our own chickens and turkeys, and we grew up drinking raw milk. I adhere to a lot of the things my parents did. We drink raw milk, and we buy eggs from a local farmer. I cloth diaper as much as I can, and I breastfeed past a year. In a perfect world, we'd live in the country and have a yard full of dandelions, but that's hard to do is a subdivision. So, I always joke that the neighbors must think we're dirty hippies because we just don't fit in in this neighborhood, as everyone is the opposite!
She also asked when she's going to come out of hiding so we can meet, and the answer to that is IT BETTER BE SOON. We now work at the same school district, so don't you all think it's high time she met me for lunch?
And finally, she asked pie or cake. That's a tough one because I love both. I love how pie is seasonal, but I love how cake has icing. So I'll say pie, with a side of cake, thank you!


Kirsten asked some more questions! She wanted to know my favorite color, which is--hands down--pink. In case you can't tell from my header, I really love bright colors. She also asked where I'd move in the country, if I could move anywhere. I'd definitely move to the east coast, mostly for the seafood!
And finally, she asked, "When you were 15, if someone asked you where you wanted to be in 10 years, is this where you thought you'd be?"
No, no, no, and no! I thought there was no way I'd be living in the midwest. I for sure thought I'd move to California or somewhere warm. I didn't want kids at all, and I definitely would not have wanted to be at home with two boys. Funny how life changes you!

Crooked Eyebrow asked what my favorite color polish is for my toes. It depends on the season. In the spring/summer, I like to do bright colors. When I went to get my toes done the day I went into labor with Tommy, Beth insisted I get a CALM color, so I went with a darker pink. What I really wanted was bright green, though. In the fall/winter, I like to go with darker reds.
She also asked about my weird toe thing. Okay, I have a thing about toenails being long. It freaks me out so much that my toenails are always cut REALLY short. When I was in sixth grade, I saw a woman with freakishly long red toenails, and I just can never get that gross image out of my mind.

Finally, Cameron asked what my pet peeves are. Well, first is the aforementioned long toenails. CUT YOUR TOENAILS, PEOPLE. My other pet peeve is people who interrupt you and/or only talk about themselves. It drives me insane.

I believe that's all of the questions! Thanks so much for all the blog material... I feel much better about myself and now I'll head back to your regularly scheduled baby blogging. Unless you have more questions?:)

Telling No Lies

Thanks again for all the great questions! I'm working my way through, and hopefully being a little less boring.

Heather asked for my top five songs of all time. This is a tough one, but I've narrowed it down to these five: Hallelujah, especially Jeff Buckley's version. Nashville by Liz Phair. Time by Tom Waits. In The Aeroplane Over the Sea by The Neutral Milk Hotel. Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens.

Ryley had some more questions, starting with if I could only eat one food for a year, what would it be? I'm going to assume that calories don't count, so my one food would be pizza because I could switch up the toppings.
She next asked what my perfect last meal would be... I would definitely start with an antipasto salad, followed by lobster with LOTS of melted butter, homemade french fries, and a big slice of chocolate cake with ice cream for dessert. I'd want wine and beer with the meal, too!
What foods do I love and hate? I love my mom's homemade tacos. She only makes them in late summer when the garden tomatoes are ripe, but they are worth the wait. She slow cooks the beans all day, then fries the shells right before we eat. SO GOOD. As for foods I hate, I'm not really a picky eater, but I do hate mushrooms and turkey.

She next asked how many kids I would have and what Tommy's name would have been if he'd been a girl. With regard to the number of kids, if money were not an object, I would probably just keep having kids until I decided I was done. I'd probably end up with at least six! And if Tommy were a girl, his name would be Ella. We really like the name and will hopefully use it in the future. Finally, she asked what is one thing I'd like to do before I die... I'd definitely like to travel more. I went to Europe when I was 16 and haven't been back since. I'd like to travel more of Europe, and I'd really like to go to Egypt. We'd also like to go back to Belize, where we honeymooned.


Jade asked why I started blogging and what I love/hate about it. I started blogging simply as an outlet and a way to keep up with family. I love to write, but I am most often found grading writing instead of writing myself. What I love the most about it is the wonderful friends I've made. I went into blogging not really planning on reaching out to anyone, but I did, and I've made a wonderful group of friends as a result. What I don't like about it is the lack of privacy. There are times when I really do wish I could say more about work issues, but I know that in the interest of my job, that's not really smart.

Lisa asked what makeup I would recommend for her. She specified nice but not too expensive and sexy eyes. For sexy eyes for someone who is darker, I would recommend smoky greys and greens, with a light shimmer as a browbone highlight. Specifically, this palette! I would also recommend a dark grey or blackgel liner. Bobbi Brown and MAC both make great gel eyeliners.
She also asked where I'd like to vacation. Right now, I'd like to go anywhere where my family and I could just hang out on a beach all day, eat good food at night, and drink good drinks. Somewhere relaxing!
She asked for my top three fiction books... it's hard for me to pick, but if I had to narrow it down, it'd be: To A God Unknown by John Steinbeck, The Time Traveler's Wife, and The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving.
Finally, she asked how I'm able to have so much time off for maternity leave. There are definitely ups and downs to teaching. An up is that we have a VERY strong union, and it is actually in our contract that we can take two years off for maternity leave, and they have to hold our job. Therefore, taking an entire semester off is nothing. Shane and I really did discuss my taking an entire year off; however, in the interest of adding toward my retirement, I thought the best (though not easiest) choice would be to work half the year.

Whew! Everyone asked some great questions, but I have two boys who need to get dressed and head to the park... so check back later for more answers!

Answer, Answer!

Thanks to your wonderful questions, I have much to blog about. Have more questions? Ask away!

Allyson asked about my family. I have two sisters and a brother. My brother is 13 years older, and my sisters (they're twins) are 11 years older. You could call me an accident, but as my wonderful midwife once told me, I was a SURPRISE. And a good one, if you want my opinion!
Growing up was interesting. In many ways, I felt like an only child, as all of my siblings were in college by the time I was eight. Yet, I was also spoiled by my three older siblings, so really, I had the best of both worlds.

Ryley asked a lot of great questions, the first one the age difference between myself and Shane. If you want to get technical, he is 8 1/2 years older than I am. It's perfect. I always felt so bored by guys my own age, so dating someone older was a great solution. The only time we notice the age difference is when he'll mention a song that he enjoyed in college, and I'll say, Oh yeah, I remember that playing at middle school dances! I think it's funny.

Megan asked why I'm so awesome. That's a good question, but I'm pretty sure it's genetic because I've always been awesome. And modest, can't you tell?


Julie (who doesn't have a blog, BUT SHOULD) asked what my career plans are for the future, if I'd like to stay in the classroom or move elsewhere. That's a loaded question. Those of you who have known me for awhile know that I once had huge aspirations to become an administrator. But then I realized the politics that entails, and it's just not for me. A big part of me would like to go into the area of guidance counseling, but I know that to make that change would take more schooling... and to be honest, I'm just not that committed to it to take the time away from my family right now.

Kirsten asked what made me become a teacher and what grade I teach. I became a teacher because of my high school creative writing teacher. She was such an inspiration, in both her attitude and her teaching styles, and she made it all click for me.
I teach 8th grade. Initially, I thought I'd never want to teach middle school, but then I did a middle school field experience and loved it. I still do. Most days.


Renee asked if I have plans to start a business related to my love of make-up?
Great question! If someone offered me a job at a salon doing makeup either full-time or very busy part-time, I would take it in a heartbeat. It's something I'd love to do on a more regular basis than freelance.

I will save the rest of the questions for tomorrow, as I'm being called away by the tiny, hungry baby!

Help, I'm Stuck!

I feel like I'm in an unbelievably boring rut lately. It's not boring to me, but I'm in the midst of this milky sweet love affair with a new baby, and it's all I want to talk about right now. I know I need to talk about other things, because you are all probably like, "Yeah, you had a baby, WE GET IT." It doesn't help that I hit my peak as a blogger with Tommy's birth story. I really can't top that, unless I save a stranger's life with an emergency tracheotomy, and since I haven't watched ER in YEARS, that's probably not likely to happen.

I always love it when Beth does her question posts, so I'm going to be unoriginal and steal that idea. Ask me a question about ANYTHING. I have very few filters on what I talk about, so ask away! Even if you don't usually comment, please come out of lurkdom and ask something. Then I can answer the questions in a separate posts, thus saving me from being an uber-boring blogger.

In other possibly boring to some of you news, Tommy is a month old, and I can't believe it. I feel like I blinked and missed his brand new stage, because it can't be over already.

Confessions of Perfection

When I was pregnant, every now and then, I'd have a moment of thought where I'd worry that I'd be disappointed if I had a boy. I've never told anyone this, and so, I hope you won't judge me for confessing those thoughts. Disappointed because so often, when people have a boy and then a girl, or a girl and then a boy, you hear people say, "Oh, now you have the PERFECT family, one of each." I felt those comments to heart every time I'd hear them, because while I was never sure what I was having when I was pregnant, I felt more boy thoughts than girl, even telling Shane at one point that I thought we'd have a girl later, just not yet.

I feel silly confessing that, because when Tommy was born, and I looked between his legs, I felt... joy, elation, thrilled, everything but disappointment. The second he was out, my family became even more perfect than it already was, because I am now lucky to have not one, but TWO boys. I still remember how my voice shook with happiness and emotion as I called up to Shane, "It's a boy!" Would I like a girl someday? Sure, of course, I'd love to dress someone in pink, but if all I ever have in my life is blue? I'll still count my lucky stars every single night.

I'm finding, though, that not everyone sees it like that. When I'm out with Luke and Tommy and people ask if Tommy is a boy or a girl, sometimes they aren't kind. Sometimes they say things like, "Oh, too bad you didn't get a girl," or "No girl yet, huh?" When I'm out with just Tommy and they ask if he's my first, and I say I have an older son, sometimes I hear, "Oh, I bet you wanted a girl this time!"

No, actually, what I wanted was a healthy baby, AND I GOT HIM.
There is nothing more perfect than that.

Photo by Beth, of course

Roid Rage

Our week started out with Luke waking up Monday morning with a killer rash all across his face, arms, chest, and back. In the 2.5 years that Luke has been in this world, he has never had a rash, ever, except for a mild reaction to peaches as a six month old. We knew this wasn't a food reaction, because it was localized and blistered in some spots. A quick Google search turned up pictures that matched the non-contagious poison ivy or the ultra-contagious hand, foot, and mouth. You know, just what you want for a two year old who touches his baby brother ALL THE TIME.

We hurried off to the doctor, who echoed what Dr. Google showed us. He was pretty sure it was poison ivy, but also felt that the rash could be HFM that hadn't yet showed up in the form of mouth ulcers. He told us to watch it for the next day or two and see if he developed anything in the mouth, though he gave us a prescription for steroids. The next morning, Luke woke up and the rash had flattened out into a classic poison ivy pattern. On Wednesday, my parents came over and said, DUH YOU HAVE POISON IVY ALL OVER OUTSIDE OF YOUR FENCE. They didn't yell it at us, but they may as well have for as awful as we felt. Shane and I don't get poison ivy, although both of our moms get it so bad and so often that all they have to do is be three blocks away from a poison ivy leaf and they're covered.

We abandoned our dirty hippie no weed killing mantra, and Shane sprayed the hell out of everything with three leaves. And Luke, oh Luke. Have you ever been on steroids before? Have you ever been around a two year old before? The two are a deadly combination. We hit the full force of the steroids yesterday when he woke up an emotional, angry wreck. He couldn't get enough to eat, and he couldn't hit me or cry enough times. He refused to nap, and finally passed out in time out after he threw something at Tommy.

I should also mention that Shane had to go into work for five hours, giving me my first test as a mother of two. I'm pretty sure I failed miserably. At many points, both boys were crying. I'd pick Tommy up, only to have Luke wail at me to put him down. I'd pick Luke up, and Tommy would start to cry. I spent most of the time counting to five and saying, Steroids, steroids, steroids. And okay, I may have had a small glass of wine at 4 o'clock because it was either that or run screaming from the house.

Today is Shane's last day off before he returns to work, and it's going to be a good day, regardless of the steroids. Right now, Luke is "helping" him mow the lawn, and then we're going to walk to the library to check out a Thomas the Train DVD, followed by a picnic in the park. Selfishly, I get a night out tonight, and I'm not going to apologize for looking forward to that, because hey, I need a break!

P.S. I have two giveaways ending soon. Go enter!

You Capture: Motion

A month ago, I was still feeling constant motion in my belly. Tommy was never still. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and feel him moving as soon as I came awake. During my exams, he'd kick the midwife. He once kicked an ultrasound wand off my stomach. From the moment we first felt him move, he never stopped. Even when I was in labor, minutes before his feet slid out of me, I felt him moving and kicking. It was the most beautiful thing ever.

Or so I thought, until he was born, and his constant movement continued on the outside. I look at him and think, This is how you used to move inside me.

Arms flailing, legs kicking, but finally, in my arms. Yes, this is the most beautiful thing ever.

You Capture: Motion
Next week's challenge is Peace!

All of the Words

There are so many words I could write about how much I'm in love. With the squishy cheeks and the round nose and the long toes. With the way his eyes search my face as I feed him, how sometimes in the middle of eating, he'll make a giggling cooing noise, and I just melt. How we're so right for each other and how I know he was just meant to be my baby. But I find that every time I sit down to write, I get lost in those eyes, and I can't think of anything more right than staying in that moment for as long as I can.

Photo by Beth of Beth Fletcher Photography

Genetics, Schmemetics

Since Tommy was born, I've gotten a lot of compliments on how I look. Including one woman at a garage sale who hilariously said, Excuse me, is that YOUR baby!? And then went on to tell me that I looked way too good for having a tiny baby.

I am really happy with how I look. My stomach is definitely still squishy and has loose skin, so you won't be seeing this mama in a bikini any time soon. But can I brag and tell you that I was back in my pre-pregnancy jeans at three days postpartum? You can slap me if you want, (and I kind of love it when people threaten to beat me up) but let's talk about how I never got back into my pre-pregnancy jeans with Luke. That's right. I finally got sick of wearing maternity jeans at eight weeks PP and went and bought all new jeans.

So, you have to forgive me if I get a little crabby when I hear someone say that I look good, and that it must be genetics. It's really not genetics, and I want my props here. Is that wrong? Probably, but I'm going to go ahead and give myself a pat on the back for doing so well this time around.

When I was pregnant with Luke, I gained 35-45 pounds. I say 35-45 pounds because I was steady at 35, until the DAY I went into labor, and I shot up ten pounds. Thus, I think that last ten pounds is stupid fluid weight and shouldn't count. By my six week checkup, I'd lost all but ten pounds, which means that last ten pounds was probably not fluid weight but brownie weight. And then, it took a year and a half and a jogging habit to lose those last ten pounds. Naturally, I lost them about two seconds before I got pregnant with Tommy, but at least I lost it. So when I got pregnant with Tommy, I vowed to be a healthier pregnant woman.

And I was. I ate my fair share (okay, more than my fair share) of refined sugars, but I was active. Truthfully, I ate way more junk food this pregnancy than I did with Luke, but I hardly gained any weight. I jogged 2-3 miles a night and did a light step routine until I was 24 weeks. I stopped at 24 weeks because I started having Braxton-Hicks while running, and it just wasn't comfortable. Then I started using this workout, and from 24 weeks until the day I went into labor, I probably skipped a total of ten workouts. If that. It wasn't always easy and that DVD kicked my butt, but it felt good to be that active. I was proud of myself. I started out my pregnancy at 146 pounds and at my last checkup, I weighed 155 pounds. Tommy weighed 7 pounds, 11 ounces, so I was basically all baby. The day after he was born, I was back down to 146. This morning, I weighed 137 pounds, amazingly enough since I eat ALL THE TIME. I know that once Tommy stops nursing constantly, I will likely gain some of that weight back, but I'm okay with that.

Truthfully, I've never been the type of person who cared much about exercise. But I've learned how good it can make you feel, especially when you see results. I really believe that constant exercise helped me with a fast labor, and I also believe it helped with such a quick recovery. Now, you can totally start the slapping for being obnoxious "Whoo I lost all my pregnancy weight super fast" lady, but I needed to pat myself on the back just a little bit. And now I'm going to go reward my super awesome weight loss with a bowl of ice cream. What?

Rock of Ages [CD Giveaway]

I think I've mentioned this before, but when it comes to music, I have pretty eclectic tastes. I especially am a huge dork when it comes to musicals, so I jumped at the chance to review Rock of Ages. Now having not been born until 1982, I was more into Sesame Street Live than I was hair bands during the actual 80s, but I can definitely appreciate a good Poison song.

Rock of Ages is definitely something I'd love to see, especially after reading this description:

Set in 1987 in a legendary Sunset Strip rock club, a small-town girl meets a big-city dreamer and they fall in love to the greatest metal songs of the 80's. The musical is an arena-rock love story told through the mind-blowing, face-melting hits of Journey, Bon Jovi, Styx, Reo Speedwagon, Pat Benatar, Foreigner, Twisted Sister, Poison, Asia, Whitesnake and more.

To me, that description sounds like it'd be great fun to go see this musical with a group of girl friends. And the music--oh, the music is so much fun! The track list includes some really fun, remixed and remastered songs, such as:

• We're Not Gonna Take It
• Wanted Dead Or Alive
• I Want To Know What Love Is
• The Final Countdown
• Every Rose Has Its Thorn
• Don't Stop Believin

Check out this exciting video that shows the making of the soundtrack! Interested in buying it (and you should be, it's fun!)? Check it out.
Even better, I have a copy to give away to one lucky reader. To enter, simply leave a comment letting me know what your favorite 80s song is. If you want an extra entry, tweet about my giveaway--just leave the link to your tweet in a separate comment!

Giveaway ends August 16th
Thanks to One2One Network for this great giveaway!

YoBaby 3-in-1 Meals (A Giveaway!)

Giveaway closed! Congrats to lucky #17, Bobbi.

I've talked about my love for Stonyfield Farms before, and I'm excited to share their newest, fabulous product. YoBaby Meals is a combination of yogurt, fruit, and veggies for babies and toddlers. I'm lucky that my toddler isn't a picky eater, so we don't have to worry about hiding veggies in his meals. However, I can see how this product would be great for picky eaters because it's cleverly put together. As a mom with a new baby, I appreciate the ease of being able to give my toddler three great food items all at once.

Not only do these make meal times easy and fuss free, but they also contain 1/3 of a toddler's daily recommended protein and calcium. They are also, of course, 100% natural and organic, which is important in our house. And they come in three great flavors:

• Pear & Green Bean
• Peach & Squash
• Apple & Sweet Potato

We tried all three and while my son loved them all, he was definitely a big fan of Apple & Sweet Potato. Truthfully, I enjoyed a bite of it, too!

Win It!

Once again, the wonderful people at Stonyfield Farms (and I do mean wonderful--I love this company!) have given me the chance to share some goodies with my reader. One lucky reader will get to be the first to try this new product with the YoBaby prize package featured below.
Prize package includes: five free YoBaby 3-in-1 Meal coupons, bowl with lid and utensils, reusable bag, organic bib, and an Eric Carle growth chart.

To enter, simply leave a comment. You can tell me why you want to win this, something interesting about you, or anything you want, just leave a comment.
For an extra comment, tweet about this contest. Just make sure you leave your tweet in a separate comment!

Contest ends August 15th

No Place Like Home

(Tommy's super cute new onesie that is, unfortunately, too big for him right now but that I had to buy because of the bird!)

In the dizzying few hours after Tommy's birth, someone asked if we would consider a home birth for the next child. Since then, it's something I've flipped back and forth in my mind. We considered a (planned) home birth with Thomas, but in the end, Shane's discomfort with home birth and my comfort with my midwife made us decide to stick with a hospital birth. Truthfully, I had a beautiful birth experience with Luke. I spent most of my labor in the water, I ate and drank to my comfort, I walked, I chose my pushing position, and so on, so my thoughts on home birth did not stem from a bad hospital experience. Rather they stemmed from the thoughts that while the hospital birth was wonderful, it still wasn't home. I remember lying in a hospital bed at 8cm, trying to rest in between contractions and thinking, I wish I was in my own bed.

Ironically, Shane's issue with home birth is not concerns over safety like many people have, but rather the mess. Although I assured him that home birth isn't messy, he still could not be convinced. The irony in this is, of course, that if you have an unplanned home birth on your (light colored) carpeted stairs, it's MESSY. And then there's my midwife, who I absolutely love, yet in another stroke of irony, who was not on call the night I went into labor. Even if I had made it to the hospital in time, she would not have been the one present at Tommy's birth. While the on call midwife is absolutely fabulous herself, she wasn't my midwife who I saw for nine months.

And then there's the factor of me having an almost precipitous labor with Tommy. If I do have another hospital birth, when do I leave for the hospital? Do I leave at the first contraction and risk being put on a clock if my labor should stall? Or do I labor at home as long as possible and end up with another, "Oops, I swear that's just spilled KoolAid" spot on the carpet?

So the short answer to this weighty question is, yes, I think we will plan a (midwife-assisted) home birth with the next baby. It still won't be easy for me to divorce my midwife because I still adore her, but ultimately, I keep thinking about my labor with Tommy. It was so relaxed and peaceful. I spent it in our bed or in the bathtub, emailing and reading books. I caught him with my bare hands, and I cannot imagine a better birth than that, unless it was followed by me getting to STAY in the bathtub or our bed. And when the hospital bills came in the mail and Shane realized we were charged $600 for a nursery that Tommy was never even in, he looked at me and said, Home birth.

Maybe our plans will change between now and then, maybe in the end, Shane still won't be comfortable with home birth. But for right now, to answer that loaded question: Yes, and I can't wait.

Every Pregnant Woman Needs...

When I was pregnant with Luke, I received so much advice on what I needed as a newly pregnant mama. From belly bands to nursing bras to prenatal massages, everyone told me what I needed. The best advice, though, came from my mom, who said, "Are you going to get a doula?"

I did, and it was honestly the best money spent while pregnant. Although I had a weird situation where I hired one doula, yet had another at Luke's birth, due to the doula I hired being with another laboring mom (my babies like to come at inconvenient times, what can I say?), the prenatal support alone was worth it. Before I was pregnant with Luke, I had never seen a birth, not even on video. Our doula, Robin, showed up videos of moms in labor, moms giving birth, and so, Shane and I both knew what to expect. Shane said that it helped him understand that the noises I made while laboring were normal, and it helped him feel better about the pain I was experiencing. When I went into labor and Robin couldn't make it, she arranged for Louise to be there.

In my family, many women have had c-sections. I had a long, hard labor with Luke. I had back labor, my labor stalled at 8cm, and his head wasn't at all engaged until I was 9cm. Simply put, he was not in the right position. My doula and midwife both had me contorting into different positions to help Luke turn the right way, and it worked. Without a doubt, I would've had a c-section without their help. Even with their help, I still came very close to that, and while the end result would have still been the same, I know the recovery would've been much harder.

Do you see how I'm totally leaning closer to Louise than Shane? It's because she gave better back rubs while I was in labor, but don't tell him.

This time around, I hired Louise from the start, simply because I felt connected to the woman who was there when Luke was born. I was so excited to have her at this birth, but as we know, Tommy had other plans. Still, having her there meant the world to Shane and me. She helped me latch Tommy for the first real feed, and then she fed me bites of a sandwich while I nursed him for the first time. When I passed out on the toilet at 3AM because I totally had an OMG I JUST HAD A BABY ON THE STAIRS panic attack, I came to with my head resting on Louise's stomach and her arm around me. She stayed with us until 4:30 in the morning, after my parents, Luke, and all the nurses had left the room. She's part of our first quiet moments, when the world was still spinning. To have someone we knew there, so full of goodness and light and calming energy meant the world to both of us.

Now, I know you could be thinking, "But Erin, if I'm not an accidental freebirthing, dirty hippie like you, do I really need a doula?" Honestly, YES. Even if you're signing up for that epidural in the parking lot, I still feel like there's so much a doula can offer. If your husband is like mine and struggled with how he'd react to labor, a doula can help. My husband now tells everyone that we wouldn't do it without a doula. If you struggle with breastfeeding, you will have someone to help you. If you struggle postpartum, you will have someone to help. If you struggle during your pregnancy, you have your very own pregnancy expert on call. And when you go into labor and you're maybe a little scared, you have someone there to hold your hand.

Num Nums

In a strange way, breastfeeding has always been a part of my life. I grew up in the country, and we always had kittens or puppies or some sort of animal babies that I'd see nursing. When I was in third grade, I had a friend over, and she said it was disgusting. I asked her why she thought that and told her it was the natural way for babies to eat. Already a lactivist at the age of nine, I knew that was how my mom had fed me. See, my mom was the rare mom who breastfed in the early 70s (with twins, even!), and she nursed me in the early 80s until I was almost two years old.

When I was pregnant with Luke, my midwife asked at first prenatal appointment if I was planning on breastfeeding, I said, Of course! For me, there was no other choice. Please don't feel as if I'm begrudging anyone who formula feeds. While it isn't right for me, I realize that everyone makes choices that are right for THEM, for whatever reason.

When Luke was born, I was surprised at how hard breastfeeding was. I thought babies just came out and ate, after all, how else did the human race survive? With him, it was a struggle, but I kept at it, and I'm proud to say that even with returning to work when he was six months, he never had so much as a drop of formula. In fact, he continued to nurse until he self-weaned at 20 months when I was eight weeks pregnant with Tommy. The last time he nursed, he patted my chest afterward and said, "Bye bye, num nums." It was the perfect end.

After nursing for almost two years, I felt a little lost not nursing, so I looked forward to the moment when I could nurse a new baby. I had myself ready for a struggle, and yet, Tommy came out ready to eat. From the moment my doula helped him latch two hours after his birth, he ate like a champ. He eats all the time, and I love how easy it is. I love that when we leave the house, I feel like I'm forgetting something, and then I remember that oh yeah, his food is always with me. I love how he passes out so content after eating, the way his eyes search my face. I plan on nursing him for as long as I nursed Luke, or longer if he so chooses, and I plan to love every moment of it.


It's World Breastfeeding Week
Last year's post

Two By Four

Shane and I have been married for four years. In those four years, we've gone from two

to three

to four

Or as my dad pointed out, I've been pregnant for about half of our marriage. When I was 16, I told people that I didn't want children. And while I have so much respect for those who are childfree, ten years later, I can't imagine a life without these boys.

I am so lucky.

Both boys are approximately two weeks old in those photos

Gifts

Since Tommy's birth, we've received a lot of gifts--both material and otherwise. But the greatest gift I've received is the reminder of the wonderful friends in my life.

After Luke was born, I found myself in a hard place with friends. Many of my friends in the area either had no kids or older kids, and after Luke was born, I was suddenly persona non grata. They didn't understand why at a week post-partum, I didn't want to go out to a bar. Or any place that I couldn't take my new, nursing baby. They drifted away, leaving me still with amazing girlfriends like Leah and Kristin and Keely who would need more than a baby to chase them off, but yet no one in the area. It was hard because there were times when I needed friends, and I resented Shane his monthly poker games because I had nothing and no one.

Nine months ago, I found out I was pregnant. I also fell into a new group of friends, girls who I have grown to love and cherish, girls who I knew would be there before and after baby. And they were. Whether it was coming to the hospital to see us, visiting afterward, tweeting, blogging, and emailing their joy over his birth, they have been there. Friday night, we went out for our first post-Tommy dinner, and I almost wanted to pinch myself because it was so different from after Luke. I wasn't clinging desperately to old, empty friendships, and I wasn't wishing for more. Instead, I was right there, laughing, watching my friends hold Tommy, and just breathing it all in.

(Left-Right) Crooked Eyebrow, Beth, Steph & Ivy, Sarah, Arianne, Me. And I left Tommy in the car. KIDDING, he was off to the side in his carrier.

p.s. Since I just wrote a sappy post about my husband, I'll spare you another, but I can't post today without mentioning that nine years ago, we went on our first date. Do you know how we met? Read it, because it's almost as scandalous and shocking as the time I had a baby on my stairs.