Sunday, May 31, 2009


This morning, Shane went to church. Luke and I went to the playground. I used to go to church, but I haven't gone very much at all since I was pregnant with Luke. The pastor made some comments that I felt went against what I believed, went against why I wanted to go to church, so I don't go regularly any more. Oh, and I know that isn't what church is about, but I'm stubborn and maybe that's a fault, but it's who I am.

Today has been a day, though, where I probably needed to go to church. Instead, I found hope, solace, spirituality in the warm sunshine. With one sweet child laughing and running around the playground, and another kicking in my belly. This time of year is always so hard for me, so hard that all I can do is reach within myself to find the hope that some year, it'll get easier. That I'll find pieces of myself that have been lost over the years, that someday, I won't even have to reach for that hope, because it'll be right there.

Monday, May 25, 2009

I Can't Count That High

My whole life, I've been told to count my blessings. The truth is, I don't always do this. Not because I don't want to, but because I have so many blessings. Even in the aspects of life I complain about, I have blessings. Sure, I'd like a bigger and nicer house, but when you get down to it, I have a house. I know we'll move into a bigger house some day, and the wait is okay with me. I complain about my job, do I ever, but you know? I'm thankful to have a job, especially in this economy would so many would love something full time. I have job security. I can take off six months for maternity leave and NO ONE cares. That's a blessing.
I have wonderful friends, a loving husband, a beautiful family, and supportive parents.

Friday, my blessing count rose a little higher, when my work friends surprised me with a baby shower. I was not expecting a baby shower at all this pregnancy. It's my second pregnancy, and you only get the special day the first time around, right? Not according to the people I love and spend most of my time with.. because although I may complain about work and some people in that building, truth to be told, I have some of the best co-workers one could ask for, in particular the Social Studies and Science teachers on my team. I couldn't LIVE without these people.

My day started with my favorite decaf iced vanilla latte from Starbucks, with a blueberry muffin, delivered by Tammy. And it just got better from there!
I walked into the room fourth hour (our team prep) and was greeted with a basket full of baby goodies. Teeny, tiny onesies, little socks, bibs, the cutest little bear outfit, and a handmade quilt from my friend Tammy's sister. Everything was so beautiful and so touching! I left the room again and when I came back, there was a delicious cake sitting on the table. I joked that I needed to keep leaving because things kept appearing! Shortly thereafter, several pizzas from Papa John's appeared. Even though we have the earliest lunch hour known to man, my friends somehow convinced Papa John's to deliver at 10:15. And oh, it was GOOD.

They even remembered how much I love pineapple and pepperoncini pizza, getting me my own special pizza. I totally ate half of it! And so, I guess I realized something that I've known all along... if your blessings are too many to count, that is the best blessing of all.

Friday, May 22, 2009


When I was 32 weeks pregnant with Luke, I weighed 15 pounds more than I do now. I was measuring bigger. My poor stomach was red from all the stretch marks. It was winter and oh, I hate winter because I have to wear frumpy, heavy clothes, and I hate frumpy heavy clothes. Yet, I still felt cute. I loved my pregnant body. So as you can imagine, this time around, I feel adorable. I feel like I'm finally the tiny, cute pregnant woman I want to be. I can still squeeze into non-maternity shirts every now and then, and when I can't, I get to wear cute dresses and skirts, halter tops and tank tops. I love my little bump.

Couple that with the fact that I'm good friends with (okay, love and adore!) Beth who is a photography master, and I'm going to be a little full of myself here and say that I haven't photographed this well since my wedding day. Seriously!

That first shot? I want it to be a header or a twitter background or maybe I just want it tattooed on my hand so I can look at it all the time.

And these? Oh my. I feel a little breathless when I look at them because they are so good. Because Beth used her talent, her eye, her love, and documented the love and awe I have for this baby, for this belly, for every moment of this pregnancy.
I'm so excited to share this little part with you, too. If you live in Northwest Indiana or the area, Beth is offering a phenomenal deal. I looked at the first half of this deal and thought, Wow! then I read on and really thought WOW! Beth is beyond talented with a camera, and if you have kids, I promise you, she is amazing at getting children to warm right up to her and ham it up for the camera.
Get $50 off of your sitting fee, plus three FREE 8x10's (total savings of $140) if your session is booked and held prior to June 15, 2009. Email Beth or call to book your appointment today!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

You Capture: Colors

Last week, I saw a beautiful rainbow. It would've been perfect for this week's You Capture, but unfortunately, I almost crashed my car trying to take a picture of the rainbow and then it didn't even come out. Lesson learned: next time, pull over for rainbows.

So since I couldn't capture the rainbow, I looked around and captured some of the perfect colors I see on a daily basis.
I know dandelions are considered weeds, but I always have thought the bright yellow against green grass is so pretty.
A close up of my birthday flowers from Shane. Stargazer lilies are my FAVORITE flowers, followed closely by gerbera daises.
And because, to me, color always involves makeup, I snapped two shots of my makeup. Unfortunately, my traincase is a giant mess because I'm trying to find a new place to keep my makeup, but that's another story for another day.
My precious shimmer brick. Everyone should own one of these! I may or may not own every shimmer brick Bobbi Brown has ever made...

If you haven't already, please check out my giveaway featuring some gorgeous colored necklaces! And for those of you who love giveaways, check back tomorrow for another one!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Single Digits

I can't believe I'm in the single digits of weeks left. It seems like just yesterday it was Election Night, and I was drinking celebratory margaritas thinking I wasn't pregnant (celebrating the election, not celebrating being not pregnant), then two days later, I got a big flashing PREGNANT on the test. I thank my body for being tricky and giving me that one last night to enjoy a few drinks! And now here I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!

That dress is a size small and not a maternity dress. Even though I know it still fits only because it's Old Navy and also, mostly made of cotton and elastic, I still love it for fitting. LOVE.

p.s. Do you know what else I love? This jewelry I'm giving away. So go enter!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

31 Fun

I can't believe I'm in the single digits of weeks left. It seems like just yesterday it was Election Night, and I was drinking celebratory margaritas thinking I wasn't pregnant (celebrating the election, not celebrating being not pregnant), then two days later, I got a big flashing PREGNANT on the test. I thank my body for being tricky and giving me that one last night to enjoy a few drinks! And now here I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!

That dress is a size small and not a maternity dress. Even though I know it still fits only because it's Old Navy and also, mostly made of cotton and elastic, I still love it for fitting. LOVE.

p.s. Do you know what else I love? This jewelry I'm giving away. So go enter!

Monday, May 11, 2009


"I know you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?" Quick, name that movie to gain my undying respect and admiration!

Last week, I wrote about being overwhelmed. This week, I'm still overwhelmed and wishing I could tell you all these work stories, because oh my, do I have some doozies. But I can't, so instead I want to tell you that I'm overwhelmed in a good way.

I am overwhelmed by all the birthday wishes I received via phone, blog, email, twitter, and on and on. SO overwhelmed by all the love that was poured my way that day. I can't even begin to say thank you for it all. I don't want to brag about all the goodies I got, but I hope you'll let me brag just a LITTLE bit. Wednesday morning, I arrived at work to find my classroom decorated with signs, balloons, and flowers, with Starbucks waiting outside the door.

And the best part is that, by some miracle, my students didn't touch the decorations so I got to enjoy them all day! For lunch, my coworkers had a Coldstone cake and Wendy's, then shortly after lunch, flowers from Shane arrived. Can I tell you how much I love getting flowers at work? LOVE it. And because he is a good husband, he remembered that Stargazer lilies are my favorite!

I was really happy with the flowers being my only gift, but when I got home he surprised me with these two amazing prints from etsy. As if that wasn't enough, he also got me a gift certificate for a mommy-to-be spa package. I know, right?? At that point, I made him promise to not get me anything for Mother's Day because I felt too spoiled!

The next night was Mom's Nite Out, organized by the lovely Steph. Not only did I meet some wonderful new bloggers, but again with the completely overwhelmed feeling when Steph surprised me with a sling (I can't wait to put a teeny baby in it) and a Coldstone cake. And I won a spa gift certificate to Wyndham Hotel, so hello, totally feeling spoiled again. Not to mention the goody bag with two boxes of Little Debbie 100 calorie snack cakes! I LOVE those. Every week, I hit up the Little Debbie section at the grocery store because I am so in love with the 100 calorie cakes.

No one had a lighter, so I had to pretend to blow out the candles. Not a bad job on my part! It was an amazing time.

Friday, we celebrated with my parents. My mom made a delicious chocolate cake, making it THREE nights in a row that I'd eaten cake. Not too shabby. Last night, Shane and I went out for fondue, which I just love, love, love. Afterward, we went to the mall, and I treated myself to two new lipsticks at the MAC counter. Technically one was a replacement for my favorite lipstick that I broke, so really, it was justifiable! Oh, also I remembered why I don't go to the mall anymore because the place was just brimming with my students.

I feel like I don't deserve any of this, but I am so thankful for it. I feel like in the span of a week, I received way more than I give in the course of a year. Whether I feel like I deserve it or not, I'm going to hold on to all this love for as long as I can.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

You Capture: Expressions

I loved this week's You Capture theme! I tried my hardest to capture so many of Luke's expressions, but I only got a tiny little bit of the faces he makes. I love them all.
Having a very serious conversation with the cat

Bubble time!

Happy boy in the swing (even though mommy almost dropped him lifting him in there.... shh)


They let me have ice cream!

At the top of the big slide with Daddy

Swing time!

Snuggling with Papa after a busy day

Playing in the field

And one of mama's favorite expressions... that sweet, sleepy, not a care in the world face

I am sorry for how picture heavy this is! I just had such a hard time narrowing it down. I do know that if I won the printer Beth is giving away, I'd turn all of these photos into a gorgeous collage of my favorite face EVER.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Another Week, Another Year

Today is my birthday. Sometimes I feel like 27 is too old. Not that 27 is old because it's not (unless you ask my students), but I just don't feel grown up enough for one almost two children, a job, a house, and all of that. Despite all of the stress and overwhelming feelings I had (okay, still have) earlier this week, I'm going to enjoy all 27 years. And oh yeah, all 30 weeks. I'm going to enjoy those, too.

p.s. You know how I love food? Last night, I went to an award ceremony for a colleague, and before the ceremony I had this piece of cannoli that I could only describe as, "This is... AMAZING."

Right after this picture was taken, I proceeded to basically shove the entire cannoli in my mouth. Hey, it was my birthday eve. I'm entitled!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Under Water

I feel so very overwhelmed. I'm trying to fight it and just be happy, but it's hard. I hope you'll forgive me this one desperate post because I so rarely talk like this or feel like this.
There is work. There is so much with work that I can't even mention, so I'll just say that work has been hard in so many ways. The only part of it that I can mention is my growing frustration with expending so much energy on other people's children that I have no energy for mine when I come home. I hate it, and I feel so guilty, not to mention like a mom failure because I'd much rather collapse on the couch at night than play or clean or even sometimes discipline. I used to think I had that balance between working and being a mom, but I think I've lost it. I fear how much more I'll lose it with two children. No matter how hard I try, there's always that ache inside of me because I just do not want to work, yet have no choice.

Yesterday I had this whole list of items to accomplish while Luke napped. Perfect plan, yet Luke refused to nap. I spent an hour rocking, patting, snuggling, and reading, almost getting him to sleep... when the doorbell rang. And it was shot. His nap time, the hour I spent, the list that would keep my head above water. Luke is not a child that can miss a nap, then be fine. Luke is the child that misses his nap and spends the rest of the day having a complete and utter meltdown. There were a lot of tears yesterday. From both of us.

This week is teacher appreciation week. Wednesday is my birthday (and, of course, there's a faculty meeting scheduled). You'd think the culmination of the two would mean a lot of appreciation for me, but it works out that as student council sponsor I am entirely in charge of teacher appreciation week. Or rather, my students are supposed to be, but they're in middle school. I can't exactly send them out in their cars to go buy supplies, can I? So I spent yesterday labeling 75 candy bars that I then distributed this morning (after I basically ruined them by leaving them in the car for five hours). Today, I'm picking up 75 carnations at the florist to distribute tomorrow. Wednesday and Thursday, I don't even remember, but we're doing something. Friday, I have to pick up several dozen donuts plus coffee to get set up in the teacher's lounge. Last year when I did similar activities, I got a total of ONE thank you. I appreciated teachers, but they definitely didn't appreciate me.

I want to breathe and push it all away, but instead, I just think of everything I need to get done before the baby comes. Luke's bed isn't set up yet. The bathroom needs to be painted. The baby items need to be taken out of the crawl space. Initially, we thought we'd have the entire month of June, but I'm now in school until June 11th. Did I mention that I then have a week of license renewal courses starting on June 15th? Then another week starting on July 6th? Oh, and the baby is due July 16th.

I know it will all get done in time. It always does. But knowing that doesn't help that my house is a mess, that the list just gets longer and longer, that I want nothing more than to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and say, "Wake me up in two months."