Hope

This morning, Shane went to church. Luke and I went to the playground. I used to go to church, but I haven't gone very much at all since I was pregnant with Luke. The pastor made some comments that I felt went against what I believed, went against why I wanted to go to church, so I don't go regularly any more. Oh, and I know that isn't what church is about, but I'm stubborn and maybe that's a fault, but it's who I am.

Today has been a day, though, where I probably needed to go to church. Instead, I found hope, solace, spirituality in the warm sunshine. With one sweet child laughing and running around the playground, and another kicking in my belly. This time of year is always so hard for me, so hard that all I can do is reach within myself to find the hope that some year, it'll get easier. That I'll find pieces of myself that have been lost over the years, that someday, I won't even have to reach for that hope, because it'll be right there.

Poster Print Giveaway

A few weeks ago, I gave away a poster print from uprinting.com. Because they are a wonderful company, I've been given the opportunity to give away a print from Large Format Posters, a division of uprinting.com.

As Father's Day is coming up in June, a poster print would be a great gift idea! Perhaps you could print up a picture of the kids or of a really big fish your husband caught. Or maybe a print of a favorite vacation spot! This summer, I bought an art print from istockphoto that I REALLY liked and had that printed. That's one great thing to do, too!
Personally, I would get a print of the photo I just posted yesterday, and I would get a canvas print. This is something I know my husband would love and treasure, and truthfully, I'd treasure it also!

I have the opportunity for one lucky reader to win an 18x24 poster print of their choice! To enter, all you need to do is comment and let me know how you would this print. Would it be a picture for your favorite dad, or would you use it for something else?

If you'd like an extra entry, blog about this giveaway and link back to the hosting site.

Giveaway will run until next Friday, June 5th. Contest open only to US and Canada residents. Winner will be chosen randomly, via random.org

Good luck!

You Capture: Family

I hope Beth will forgive me for digging back into old photos for this week. For some reason, Shane and I had super conflicting schedules this week and actually didn't spend any time together as a family. It's been awful!

So, I dug way back and found this photo, the first that I took after Luke was born.


I love this photo. Before Luke was born, Shane was nervous about being a father. He said he wasn't sure if he'd feel connected to the baby. But the SECOND Luke was out, that connection was made. It was so very truly love at first sight. Sometimes when I was holding Luke, I could tell that Shane so desperately wanted to hold him that I'd reluctantly give up my hold on him... but it was okay, because almost as much as I loved holding Luke, I fell in love with Shane a little bit more every time he took Luke into his arms.

Every Breath We Drew Was Hallelujah

At 33 weeks, I'm going to do that thing I promised you I'd never do. You know, that thing where I show my bare belly because it is gross and covered in stretchmarks? Yeah, that. But stay with me, because after this photo, I'm going to share some more gorgeous photos that Beth took, to make up for my naked belly. Unless you like that sort of thing.


Truthfully, I mostly like this picture. I hate how dirty my mirror is, but I hope you will forgive me because I spent three hours Saturday painting the bathroom (by myself!), thus I let cleaning the rest of the bathroom slip by the wayside. I promise to clean it soon. But I like this photo because for the most part, my stretchmarks have faded. I haven't gotten any new ones yet, and I'm hoping it stays this way. At this point with Luke, my stomach was a MESS. He dropped very quickly at 33 weeks, causing my stomach to itch and burn and turn red and feel like it was splitting with stretchmarks. Not a fun memory.
This picture just makes me smile because my belly is so round and every time I watch it rise and fall when I breathe or when the baby kicks, I just smile. I admit--I rub my belly all the time. Sometimes I don't realize how much I do it, but I can't help myself. I love feeling the baby move from the inside and out.

Speaking of love, this set of photos from Beth? Oh my gosh, LOVE. Seriously, how am I going to pick which pictures to order?

When Beth took this photo, she told me to close my eyes and visualize holding the baby. Here's the thing... I mostly fail at visualization. When I was in labor, my midwife told me to visualize Luke moving down out of my body, and I wanted to be like, YO, visualize my fist in your FACE. But this.... I could do this. Except I don't really know if this baby is a boy or a girl, so it was swaddled in my visualization.
For these next three photos, Beth made me straddle a park bench, and I asked her what she would do if I told her I wasn't wearing any underwear. I think she called me a freak. I was wearing underwear, by the way, but it was a valid thought!



Total love. Now, if you live in Northwest Indiana or the surrounding area, HIRE HER. Not only is she amazing, but so is the sale she's having. Seriously, look at these photos. She made me look movie star pregnant!

I Can't Count That High

My whole life, I've been told to count my blessings. The truth is, I don't always do this. Not because I don't want to, but because I have so many blessings. Even in the aspects of life I complain about, I have blessings. Sure, I'd like a bigger and nicer house, but when you get down to it, I have a house. I know we'll move into a bigger house some day, and the wait is okay with me. I complain about my job, do I ever, but you know? I'm thankful to have a job, especially in this economy would so many would love something full time. I have job security. I can take off six months for maternity leave and NO ONE cares. That's a blessing.
I have wonderful friends, a loving husband, a beautiful family, and supportive parents.

Friday, my blessing count rose a little higher, when my work friends surprised me with a baby shower. I was not expecting a baby shower at all this pregnancy. It's my second pregnancy, and you only get the special day the first time around, right? Not according to the people I love and spend most of my time with.. because although I may complain about work and some people in that building, truth to be told, I have some of the best co-workers one could ask for, in particular the Social Studies and Science teachers on my team. I couldn't LIVE without these people.

My day started with my favorite decaf iced vanilla latte from Starbucks, with a blueberry muffin, delivered by Tammy. And it just got better from there!
I walked into the room fourth hour (our team prep) and was greeted with a basket full of baby goodies. Teeny, tiny onesies, little socks, bibs, the cutest little bear outfit, and a handmade quilt from my friend Tammy's sister. Everything was so beautiful and so touching! I left the room again and when I came back, there was a delicious cake sitting on the table. I joked that I needed to keep leaving because things kept appearing! Shortly thereafter, several pizzas from Papa John's appeared. Even though we have the earliest lunch hour known to man, my friends somehow convinced Papa John's to deliver at 10:15. And oh, it was GOOD.

They even remembered how much I love pineapple and pepperoncini pizza, getting me my own special pizza. I totally ate half of it! And so, I guess I realized something that I've known all along... if your blessings are too many to count, that is the best blessing of all.

Poster Winner!

Congratulations to Julie, the winner of my poster print giveaway, through UPrinting, an online poster printing company, as chosen by random.org! Julie just finished up some serious world traveling and will definitely be putting her poster printing to good use. Congratulations to Julie, and thanks to uprinting.com for this fabulous offer!

Brimming

When I was 32 weeks pregnant with Luke, I weighed 15 pounds more than I do now. I was measuring bigger. My poor stomach was red from all the stretch marks. It was winter and oh, I hate winter because I have to wear frumpy, heavy clothes, and I hate frumpy heavy clothes. Yet, I still felt cute. I loved my pregnant body. So as you can imagine, this time around, I feel adorable. I feel like I'm finally the tiny, cute pregnant woman I want to be. I can still squeeze into non-maternity shirts every now and then, and when I can't, I get to wear cute dresses and skirts, halter tops and tank tops. I love my little bump.

Couple that with the fact that I'm good friends with (okay, love and adore!) Beth who is a photography master, and I'm going to be a little full of myself here and say that I haven't photographed this well since my wedding day. Seriously!

That first shot? I want it to be a header or a twitter background or maybe I just want it tattooed on my hand so I can look at it all the time.

And these? Oh my. I feel a little breathless when I look at them because they are so good. Because Beth used her talent, her eye, her love, and documented the love and awe I have for this baby, for this belly, for every moment of this pregnancy.

I'm so excited to share this little part with you, too. If you live in Northwest Indiana or the area, Beth is offering a phenomenal deal. I looked at the first half of this deal and thought, Wow! then I read on and really thought WOW! Beth is beyond talented with a camera, and if you have kids, I promise you, she is amazing at getting children to warm right up to her and ham it up for the camera.

Get $50 off of your sitting fee, plus three FREE 8x10's (total savings of $140) if your session is booked and held prior to June 15, 2009. Email Beth or call to book your appointment today! http://www.bethfletcherphotography.com/

Life Is Sweet

This little boy is so sweet. He makes me laugh and smile, and I love the little person he is growing into. Every night, he helps mama exercise, which sometimes consists of laying on my back while I do pushups (because you know, it's not bad enough that I'm weighted down in front), but also consists of him bouncing on his "birth" ball and counting off kegels for me. Yes, my two year old knows the word kegel, and as my midwife assured me, anyone who knows what a kegel is would find it hilarious that he knows the word. At night, when we go to get his bedtime cup of milk, he walks down the stairs, saying, "Mama's back hurts." Even though my back is better now and carrying him doesn't bother me (thank you chiropractor) anymore, he still remembers when my sciatica was awful and wants to help me. He's so helpful and sweet to his pregnant mama, that I can't imagine how he's going to be with his baby sibling.
And did you know that he says hi to the baby every day and has to talk to my bellybutton, as if that's somehow a direct connection to the baby? And that the baby now kicks in response to his voice? Seriously, if THAT isn't sweet, I don't know what is.

You Capture: Sweet!

Sweet Sixteen

I have sixteen days of school left. It should be ten, but thanks to the million and one days (okay, six) days we've missed due to ice, cold, snow, and flooding, our school year is now stretching into eternity. In the grand scheme of all the days I will spend in school, sixteen is a heartbeat. But from my vantage point, it also seems like an eternity. I feel that people who haven't known me for long probably think I dislike teaching because I've done nothing but complain this year. I promise that's not so, this has just been a rough year. I always tell my students that I can either be the nicest teacher they've ever had or the meanest teacher they've ever had. Last year's students got it, and I was able to be the nicest teacher ever. I loved last year. This year, though, I've had to be the meanest teacher. If I give these kids an inch, they take a mile. Not to mention all of these other issues at work that I can't really blog about, but I will assure you they are tiresome and troublesome and, well, sucky. Suffice to say, I will not miss this year at all.

This weekend was one of those times where it was like a rollercoaster. Strange as it seems, I kind of like those times because they make the high points that much better. Thursday, I went to the dentist with a horrible toothache. The tooth in question had already had a root canal, so she determined it was an infection and treated it as such. It felt better all day Friday, until about half an hour after the dentist closed when it started to HURT. Funny how that works, right? It got progressively worse, until I was awake at 3AM crying with the entire right side of my face swollen. I was actually wishing that I was in labor because it would have hurt less! Saturday morning, I got into the dentist first thing, and she made it all better, though I was still in moderate amounts of pain. Thanks to my awesome midwife, I was able to score some painkillers, because I had to be pain free to go eat amazing burgers and ice cream with my girls. And you can't eat a bacon cheeseburger with a toothache!

(What up, toothache induced undereye bags!?)
But the truth is, I may not have needed the painkillers because I didn't really chew this burger. No, I pretty much inhaled it. Then after inhaling the burger, I ate two scoops of ice cream (chocolate cake batter and peppermint patty!), plus a brownie.

Oh, and I laughed and basically had the best belated birthday celebration ever because these girls are wonderful, and truthfully, I couldn't ask for a better birthday present than having them in my life.

CE, Sarah, Arianne, Beth, Steph
My usual Wednesday bump day post may be a bit late because Beth is doing maternity shots for me tomorrow afternoon, and they are bound to beautiful (her pictures, not me), so I want to make that my 32 week bump post! 32 weeks! Can you believe that if we take a group photo in two months, I'll be holding a baby, too? Because I kind of can't believe it.

Giveaway: 16x20 Poster Print

It's no secret that I love pictures. I try to take as many photos I can, even though they may not be the best of quality. But where I fail is printing pictures. When Luke was a baby, I was so good about ordering prints of all the digital photos I took. Somewhere along the way, though, life interrupted and I fell behind, which is why I was so excited when UPrinting, an online poster printing company, offered me the opportunity to give away one 16 x 20 poster print to my readers. What I love about UPrinting is not just that they've inspired me to get back in the habit of printing those pictures, but they also strive to be green with their printing practices. All the more reason for me to get those photos I need!

I've used other companies for printing before, and I have to admit that I've been frustrated to order a print without seeing a proof, only for it to come out wrong. The great thing about poster printing through Uprinting is that they do offer free file proofing, giving you the opportunity to make sure that everything is correct before you go and order 100 copies!

You can enter this contest in one of two ways:
1. Simply leave me a comment telling me what you'd have printed on a 16x20 poster print if you win this giveaway
OR
2. Write a post on your blog linking back to this giveaway and to uprinting.com
Do both of these, and you'll earn yourself an extra entry!

Giveaway will run from today to Friday, May 22nd, when the winner will be chosen through random.org. Contest is open to everyone, but poster will only ship free to Canada and the US. All others will need to pay shipping if chosen. Good luck!

You Capture: Colors

Last week, I saw a beautiful rainbow. It would've been perfect for this week's You Capture, but unfortunately, I almost crashed my car trying to take a picture of the rainbow and then it didn't even come out. Lesson learned: next time, pull over for rainbows.

So since I couldn't capture the rainbow, I looked around and captured some of the perfect colors I see on a daily basis.
I know dandelions are considered weeds, but I always have thought the bright yellow against green grass is so pretty.
A close up of my birthday flowers from Shane. Stargazer lilies are my FAVORITE flowers, followed closely by gerbera daises.
And because, to me, color always involves makeup, I snapped two shots of my makeup. Unfortunately, my traincase is a giant mess because I'm trying to find a new place to keep my makeup, but that's another story for another day.
My precious shimmer brick. Everyone should own one of these! I may or may not own every shimmer brick Bobbi Brown has ever made...

If you haven't already, please check out my giveaway featuring some gorgeous colored necklaces! And for those of you who love giveaways, check back tomorrow for another one!

Single Digits

I can't believe I'm in the single digits of weeks left. It seems like just yesterday it was Election Night, and I was drinking celebratory margaritas thinking I wasn't pregnant (celebrating the election, not celebrating being not pregnant), then two days later, I got a big flashing PREGNANT on the test. I thank my body for being tricky and giving me that one last night to enjoy a few drinks! And now here I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!


That dress is a size small and not a maternity dress. Even though I know it still fits only because it's Old Navy and also, mostly made of cotton and elastic, I still love it for fitting. LOVE.

p.s. Do you know what else I love? This jewelry I'm giving away. So go enter!

Post-Mother's Day Giveaway

Even though Mother's Day has come and gone, and I'm sure some of you received jewelry for that holiday (lucky!), it's true that a girl can never have ENOUGH jewelry, right?

My lovely friend Julie has recently started an etsy store and has graciously offered up one piece of jewelry to one of my blog readers. Julie's generosity is only part of what I love about her. Her talent is another part of it. She recently started making her own necklaces (she even makes the glass beads herselff!), as well as purses. I've had a Julie made necklace for quite some time, and EVERY time I wear it, I get tons of compliments on it. I'm so thrilled that she's started her own store now because now I'll be able to direct people to where they can buy their very own, instead of just admitting that it's a one of a kind. And speaking of one of a kind, can I just tell you that Julie is one of a kind? Once when I was going through a really hard time, I received an envelope in the mail from Julie full of cut out words from a magazine, all of which she said described me and our friendship. I still have all of those words. Also, Julie went to OXFORD. Yes, the Oxford in England. How many people can say that? When she came back to visit one summer, she brought Luke a hilarious shirt that says, "My mum's a fox." I make him wear it all the time and pretend that it's true. Anyway! On to the giveaway...

If you win, Julie will treat you to your choice of one of these three fabulous necklaces:
"Be Still My Heart Pendant"Hand-lampworked glass beads. All metal is sterling silver. Chain is 16" sterling silver box chain.


"Fire Ball Pendant" - Hand-lampworked glass beads. All metal is sterling silver. Chain is 16" sterling silver box chain.

"The Biggie" - One BIG bead! This hand-lampworked glass bead measures over an inch in diameter and is over a half inch thick! It hangs from heavy duty cotton that ties in the back. Depending on how you tie it, it is aprox 16".

Aren't those gorgeous? I personally love the heart!

There are several ways to get yourself entries to this giveaway, so read on:

1. Comment on this entry and tell me which necklace you like the best and WHY, or tell me about a friend you have who is one of a kind and why. This entry is mandatory!
2. Twitter about this contest--make sure you leave the link in a separate comment.

3. Blog about this contest--again, leave a link in a separate comment.

4. Finally, if you see something from Julie's store that you just can't live without buying RIGHT NOW, let me know your etsy username and that you bought something from her store. That'll gain you five extra entries! Not only that, but because Julie is super awesome, she's even offering a 10% off code to my readers!

Winner will be selected Saturday, May 16th. Good luck!

Overwhelmed

"I know you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?" Quick, name that movie to gain my undying respect and admiration!

Last week, I wrote about being overwhelmed. This week, I'm still overwhelmed and wishing I could tell you all these work stories, because oh my, do I have some doozies. But I can't, so instead I want to tell you that I'm overwhelmed in a good way.

I am overwhelmed by all the birthday wishes I received via phone, blog, email, twitter, and on and on. SO overwhelmed by all the love that was poured my way that day. I can't even begin to say thank you for it all. I don't want to brag about all the goodies I got, but I hope you'll let me brag just a LITTLE bit. Wednesday morning, I arrived at work to find my classroom decorated with signs, balloons, and flowers, with Starbucks waiting outside the door.


And the best part is that, by some miracle, my students didn't touch the decorations so I got to enjoy them all day! For lunch, my coworkers had a Coldstone cake and Wendy's, then shortly after lunch, flowers from Shane arrived. Can I tell you how much I love getting flowers at work? LOVE it. And because he is a good husband, he remembered that Stargazer lilies are my favorite!

I was really happy with the flowers being my only gift, but when I got home he surprised me with these two amazing prints from etsy. As if that wasn't enough, he also got me a gift certificate for a mommy-to-be spa package. I know, right?? At that point, I made him promise to not get me anything for Mother's Day because I felt too spoiled!

The next night was Mom's Nite Out, organized by the lovely Steph. Not only did I meet some wonderful new bloggers, but again with the completely overwhelmed feeling when Steph surprised me with a sling (I can't wait to put a teeny baby in it) and a Coldstone cake. And I won a spa gift certificate to Wyndham Hotel, so hello, totally feeling spoiled again. Not to mention the goody bag with two boxes of Little Debbie 100 calorie snack cakes! I LOVE those. Every week, I hit up the Little Debbie section at the grocery store because I am so in love with the 100 calorie cakes.

No one had a lighter, so I had to pretend to blow out the candles. Not a bad job on my part! It was an amazing time.

Friday, we celebrated with my parents. My mom made a delicious chocolate cake, making it THREE nights in a row that I'd eaten cake. Not too shabby. Last night, Shane and I went out for fondue, which I just love, love, love. Afterward, we went to the mall, and I treated myself to two new lipsticks at the MAC counter. Technically one was a replacement for my favorite lipstick that I broke, so really, it was justifiable! Oh, also I remembered why I don't go to the mall anymore because the place was just brimming with my students.

I feel like I don't deserve any of this, but I am so thankful for it. I feel like in the span of a week, I received way more than I give in the course of a year. Whether I feel like I deserve it or not, I'm going to hold on to all this love for as long as I can.

You Capture: Expressions

I loved this week's You Capture theme! I tried my hardest to capture so many of Luke's expressions, but I only got a tiny little bit of the faces he makes. I love them all.
Having a very serious conversation with the cat


Bubble time!


Happy boy in the swing (even though mommy almost dropped him lifting him in there.... shh)


Concentrating!

They let me have ice cream!

At the top of the big slide with Daddy

Swing time!


Snuggling with Papa after a busy day


Playing in the field

And one of mama's favorite expressions... that sweet, sleepy, not a care in the world face

I am sorry for how picture heavy this is! I just had such a hard time narrowing it down. I do know that if I won the printer Beth is giving away, I'd turn all of these photos into a gorgeous collage of my favorite face EVER.

Another Week, Another Year

Today is my birthday. Sometimes I feel like 27 is too old. Not that 27 is old because it's not (unless you ask my students), but I just don't feel grown up enough for one almost two children, a job, a house, and all of that. Despite all of the stress and overwhelming feelings I had (okay, still have) earlier this week, I'm going to enjoy all 27 years. And oh yeah, all 30 weeks. I'm going to enjoy those, too.



p.s. You know how I love food? Last night, I went to an award ceremony for a colleague, and before the ceremony I had this piece of cannoli that I could only describe as, "This is... AMAZING."

Right after this picture was taken, I proceeded to basically shove the entire cannoli in my mouth. Hey, it was my birthday eve. I'm entitled!

Under Water

I feel so very overwhelmed. I'm trying to fight it and just be happy, but it's hard. I hope you'll forgive me this one desperate post because I so rarely talk like this or feel like this.
There is work. There is so much with work that I can't even mention, so I'll just say that work has been hard in so many ways. The only part of it that I can mention is my growing frustration with expending so much energy on other people's children that I have no energy for mine when I come home. I hate it, and I feel so guilty, not to mention like a mom failure because I'd much rather collapse on the couch at night than play or clean or even sometimes discipline. I used to think I had that balance between working and being a mom, but I think I've lost it. I fear how much more I'll lose it with two children. No matter how hard I try, there's always that ache inside of me because I just do not want to work, yet have no choice.

Yesterday I had this whole list of items to accomplish while Luke napped. Perfect plan, yet Luke refused to nap. I spent an hour rocking, patting, snuggling, and reading, almost getting him to sleep... when the doorbell rang. And it was shot. His nap time, the hour I spent, the list that would keep my head above water. Luke is not a child that can miss a nap, then be fine. Luke is the child that misses his nap and spends the rest of the day having a complete and utter meltdown. There were a lot of tears yesterday. From both of us.

This week is teacher appreciation week. Wednesday is my birthday (and, of course, there's a faculty meeting scheduled). You'd think the culmination of the two would mean a lot of appreciation for me, but it works out that as student council sponsor I am entirely in charge of teacher appreciation week. Or rather, my students are supposed to be, but they're in middle school. I can't exactly send them out in their cars to go buy supplies, can I? So I spent yesterday labeling 75 candy bars that I then distributed this morning (after I basically ruined them by leaving them in the car for five hours). Today, I'm picking up 75 carnations at the florist to distribute tomorrow. Wednesday and Thursday, I don't even remember, but we're doing something. Friday, I have to pick up several dozen donuts plus coffee to get set up in the teacher's lounge. Last year when I did similar activities, I got a total of ONE thank you. I appreciated teachers, but they definitely didn't appreciate me.

I want to breathe and push it all away, but instead, I just think of everything I need to get done before the baby comes. Luke's bed isn't set up yet. The bathroom needs to be painted. The baby items need to be taken out of the crawl space. Initially, we thought we'd have the entire month of June, but I'm now in school until June 11th. Did I mention that I then have a week of license renewal courses starting on June 15th? Then another week starting on July 6th? Oh, and the baby is due July 16th.

I know it will all get done in time. It always does. But knowing that doesn't help that my house is a mess, that the list just gets longer and longer, that I want nothing more than to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and say, "Wake me up in two months."