My Weaner

When I was eight weeks pregnant, Luke nursed for the last time. I vividly remember it. He was in bed with me, and when he was finished, he covered me up with a blanket and said, "Bye bye, num nums." I didn't know for sure that it'd be the last time, but it was.

At the time, I mostly felt relieved. Relieved because it was painful for me, and nursing a toddler is not easy. Relieved because in a selfish way, I wanted my body back for just a few months. Also relieved because while I have nothing but respect for those mamas who tandem nurse, it was just not something I wanted to do.

And now, twelve weeks later, I still feel relieved. But there's this silly little part of me that feels sad. Sad because we no longer have any of those baby days to hold onto. Sad because when he hurts himself, my first instinct is still to grab him in my arms and nurse him. Sad because I miss those nursing moments, the rare moments where he would settle into his arms, and it'd just be us.

Mostly though, I feel blessed. Blessed that despite my returning to work, our nursing relationship survived. Blessed that (for the most part) I always had support of family and friends. But most all, I feel so unbelievably blessed that in, oh, twenty weeks? I get to do it all over again.

All of these thoughts came to me because today I've spent all day thinking of Beth and how I can't imagine how hard today would be for her, but I've also thought of how much I admire the strength she has. How she's managed to turn pain into something beautiful and how I am so very proud to call her a friend. My thoughts have also turned to how blessed I am, how I am fortunate to have a perfect little boy sitting in my lap right now, and another perfect little baby kicking him in the back. Today I sat back and thought about all of these moments I've had with Luke, and how maybe when he was a baby, I sometimes didn't get what it meant to have him in my arms, but I do now.

Half Baked

Flashless 20 week belly shot taken for Beth's photo challenge, You Capture. This week's challenge was to capture something you love without using flash. And what do I love more than this belly and all it carries?

My Birthday Boy

Luke,

Two years ago, you were born. Two days ago, I happened to be standing in the very room where you were born, and I recalled how at the moment you entered this world, a ray of sunshine broke through the heavy February clouds. Your name means bringer of light, and from that first moment, you've brought more light to our lives than I could ever imagine.

You bring light to me every morning when I get you out of the crib, and you nestle your sweet head into my shoulder and murmur, "Hi mama." You bring light to me at the darkest time of my day when I have to leave for work, and you sweetly hug and kiss me, but you never, ever cry, like you know how it's already so hard for me. You bring us light with your laughter, your wonder, and the way you're such a boy, but yet you still fold so sweetly into our arms.

No matter what, I promise we'll never take your light for granted.
All of my love, always.

Bump And A Bag

Alternately titled: My two babies


Today I am excited because I get the big halfway there (even though I am technically 19 weeks) ultrasound, where I get to see all the organs and hopefully keep what's between the legs a surprise. I am also excited because I get to show you my new kate spade bag, which I am sure you will agree is the prettiest thing you have ever seen. I am a snob when it comes to hand bags, but in a weird way. I won't buy knockoff bags because I think that is wrong wrong wrong, but I also won't pay full price for a designer bag. Lucky for me (or unlucky for my bank account), I live within an hour drive of two outlet malls, both have a Coach outlet, one has a kate spade outlet. True, outlet malls will often get bags a season or two late, but most bags are not going to be out of style. With the exception of my new baby, all of my bags are solid leather, which will never, ever go out of style. If you go to the website for outlet malls, you can often find coupons, which I did this weekend. So, not only did I find a (GORGEOUS HOT SEXY) bag that was already marked down from $295 to the double digits due to President's Day, but I also used a 20% off coupon which lowered the price by almost twenty more dollars. So now I have this gorgeous bag, which has bright yellow lining, and I am in love.

Oh, right, today is Wednesday, so I'm supposed to talk about my other baby. I'm feeling movement all the time, moreso than I did with Luke. I haven't gained much weight yet, I'm feeling cutely pregnant, and I am in love!

A Thousand Words

I have a multitude of gorgeous family photos, all of which are proudly displayed in our house. But if you were to ask me about my favorite family photo, I'd tell you that it's one I took with my cell phone. It's not one where you can see all of our faces, and it's not one where we're all smiling. But it's one that never fails to make me smile.

Yes, of all the gorgeous family photos I have, this is my favorite one. Why? Because it's silly. Because it makes me think of a good time. Because it's just so us.

We were on our way to a Halloween party, the day after Halloween. Luke and I were both dressed as devils, and Shane was rocking his Indiana Jones look. He'd grown his facial hair just right, and I was teasing him about how he had to shave it that night so Beth could take our family photos the next day. He told me he wanted one photo of his kickass goatee, so here it is. Shane affecting his most tough guy look, me with my devil wings poking into the picture, and Luke (for those of you ready to call CPS for an improperly done car seat, we'd just gotten to our destination, and I'd halfway unstrapped him when Shane begged me to take a photo!) looking like he's thinking, What in the WORLD is wrong with these people??

I love it.

Yes To Yanni

When I was 12, my older sister went through a phase of loving Yanni. She listened to him endlessly, and I made fun of her endlessly. But now? I'd like to extend my apologies to Susan, because I am totally feeling the Yanni love with this new project Yanni Voices. Yanni Voices is the result of Yanni discovering and developing four of today's most extraordinary voices and pairing his already beautiful compositions with amazing vocalists.

This is the type of music that I can see being perfect for a low-key date with your loved one this Valentine's Day. Music like this makes me think of my most romantic date, the night Shane proposed to me. His proposal was low-key, which was okay with me. I came over to his (now ours) house, where he had a delicious meal prepared, ending with chocolate covered strawberries (all homemade, of course!). After dinner, he handed me a card, I opened it and he had written "Will you...?" When I turned around, he was down on one knee. As a joke, he'd put a gumball machine ring in the box, then laughed when I pretended that the ugliest ring in the world was beautiful. He then pulled the most beautiful ring in the world out of his pocket.

I don't remember what--if any--music we had playing, but I do know that Yanni Voices would be perfect for such an occasion. If you're intrigued (and you should be!), the PBS special will air on March 2. If you like what you see (and if the testimonies of all the girls at BlissDom are true, you will), the disc will be available for purchase on March 24, and the extensive
tour kicks off on April 10th!

Because tomorrow IS Valentine's Day, I want to hear about your perfect date. Was it the day you got engaged? Or was it just a regular date turned special? I love these stories!

Thanks to One2One Network for information on this great project

Random And Miraculous

If you only have the time for one blog today, don't waste your time here. No, seriously, click over here as fast as your fingers can move. I promise you her story will give you chills.



Ahem. If you're still here, I'm going to assume it's because you have time to read more than one blog today, so you checked out Crooked Eyebrow's, then came back here to tell me that I was right, it *did* give you chills. And I was right, wasn't I? When she told me, I literally typed "holy shit omg!" (so eloquent, right?) then stood there, grinning stupidly as my students came into the room.

Okay, I actually don't have anything coherent to say today, just some random thoughts floating around. So, here I go!

+Does anyone else watch The Real Housewives of Orange County? It is so obnoxious and stupid, but I can't look away. And I kind of hate myself for it.

+I wish I could let go of concerns about weight gain while pregnant. Gaining weight is necessary and good while pregnant (to a point), and I know this, but it still makes me cringe. Again, kind of hate myself!

+I make sexy faces at myself in the mirror while blow drying my hair. I don't hate myself for this.

+If I had loads of money, I'd hire a professional foot masseuse to just sit around and rub my feet all day. My attempts at making my husband into such a person have mostly failed (although he is rubbing my feet RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE THIS, LOVE HIM SO MUCH). What's one crazy splurge you'd make?

+And my last random question/thought for the night is this: if you have highlights, how often do you touch them up? Because I never know how often I should go, and as much as I'd love to go every four weeks, it seems like my hair doesn't even need touched up then.

The Big 1-8

Today was pretty much made of fail, so I didn't get this picture taken until later this evening. But after dinner with friends (and a hilarious moment in which friend's three year old TOTALLY copped a feel), I'm feeling like I can suck it up and face 8th graders again tomorrow. And if that doesn't get me through, then the thoughts of a THREE DAY WEEKEND will.

18 weeks! Camera over face totally intentional due to a combination of factors that made me look grosser than gross.

Table Topics Tuesday

One of my favorite girls did a really great post today answering a card that she pulled from the game Table Topics. Because I'm lacking creativity AND I'm a copycat, I had to do one myself. If you're interested in playing along, make sure you link back from Christy's post!


What is the hardest thing you've ever done?

This was a really tough one for me. Not tough because I couldn't think of a hard thing in my life, but tough because I thought of two things that were equally hard, but in totally different ways.

The hardest thing I've ever done in my teenage years (I think 19 counts as teenage?) was pressing charges after I was raped. I remember throwing a temper tantrum like a little kid when my parents woke me up to go to the police station. At that moment, I would've sooner walked across hot coals. In retrospect, I'm thankful I did, because I know that if he ever hurts anyone again, it'll be on record that he's done it before. But that said, I also wouldn't have pushed forward through the court trial, because it was a year and a half of misery. I believe that it made me stronger in the long run, but was it tougher than anything I ever thought I'd have to endure at that age? Yes.

The hardest thing I've had to endure as an adult would definitely be leaving Luke to return to work. I remember commenting to someone at the start of my six month maternity leave that I'd definitely be ready to go back to work because I was sure I'd be sooo bored. But I wasn't. It tore my heart into a million pieces. The first day, I sobbed in the parking lot, then proceeded into the meeting, where I fell the pieces at the first person who asked how I was doing. And then I cried through the entire two hour meeting, and I DIDN'T CARE. I didn't care who looked at my funny, I didn't care that I was a mess, all I wanted was to be home. If I'm to be honest, all I STILL want is to be home. I don't fall apart like that any more, but if the opportunity to leave work came up tomorrow, I wouldn't look back. At all. I love what I do, but I love Luke so much more.

And seriously, can you blame me for wanting to be with this all day, instead of 8th graders? (And also, do you like how I artfully hid my double chin?)

Motor-vation

When I was pregnant with Luke, I was anxious for the 2nd trimester because everyone told me it was the honeymoon trimester. But I never felt it. Maybe it was because I started back to work at 15 weeks with him (my first trimester encompassed summer vacation), but I never got that surge of energy that everyone promised.

But this time around? Oh hell yeah, I'm feeling it! Maybe it's because I was sicker this time, or maybe it's because I've worked this entire time, but I'm definitely feeling good. Not at this exact moment, because it's Monday and Mondays are the devil, but on Saturday? Instead of napping, I cleaned! My house was already (shockingly) clean, so I dusted. I used Pledge. I cleaned in ways that I don't normally clean. I'm not living up to my slogan here! Housework is supposed to be my Kryptonite, and it has been for as long as I've been me. I'm still in bed by 10, but it's not a bone-numbing exhaustion.
I feel motivated. I'm cleaning, I'm driving Shane crazy by having him hang pictures and new curtains. I'm getting ready to remake our guest room into a Thomas-themed room for Luke. I'm exercising, which is something I never, ever did while pregnant with Luke. And okay, something I rarely ever do while NOT pregnant, but yesterday, I did so much Wii Fit boxing that my arms are sore. I even jogged a mile and a half! I don't know who this pregnant woman is and what she's done with ME, but I'm loving her.

**Anyone who can identify what book the "word" motor-vation is from is totally my new BFF.

Because I'm Into You

Giveaway closed, congrats to Tinycandi, lucky #7
!

Have you ever had that moment where you had to admit that despite your best efforts, someone you dated (or wanted to date) was just not into you? No? Stop lying! I know I've had those moments, and I could bore you with a story that would make you back away at lame I am, but instead, I want to tell you about something that is so NOT lame.


He's Just Not That Into You hits theaters tomorrow, and I can't wait to see it. The premise of the movie looks great, but what's really great is the soundtrack. I popped the disc into my laptop as soon as I got it, and my husband and I both enjoyed listening to it while we cleaned. I am a huge fan of soundtracks because they often include the best of the best, and this one is no exception. I'm really loving "I'm Amazed" by My Morning Jacket, but the entire CD is great. And because no matter what, I'll always be into you, I have one soundtrack to give away, plus a really cute hoodie!

(When I'm not pregnant, I look JUST like that model. No lie.)

Win it! To enter, leave a comment telling me one thing you're NOT into. Want an extra chance? Tweet about this giveaway--just make sure you leave me a comment with your tweet for an extra shot!
Winner will be chosen randomly on February 20th (Luke's birthday!).

Thanks to One2One Network for this great giveaway

Too Tired For A Terrific Title

I feel like I've popped in the last few days. It's hard to believe I'm 17 weeks already.

This pregnancy is flying by, and more and more lately, I'm realizing how unbelievably blessed I am to have this. Two very beautiful friends found out this week that the babies they'd wished and hoped and dreamed of were not to be. I want to cry and scream at the unfairness of it all, at the fact that as much as I want, I cannot fix it for them. I want to hug them and wave a wand to make it all go away, but I can't. But what I can do is treasure every single moment of this and realize how very, undeniably lucky I am to have what I have. I want to throw on the brakes and slow it down, just so I don't blink and suddenly it's July.

What Up, G?

The fabulous Rhonda over at Mimi's Toes did this super fun meme, and I had to play along!

She gave me the letter G--because she thinks I'm having a girl (oops, I wrote boy at first, I am officially entering the braindead stage of pregnancy!)--and I have to come up with ten things I love that start with G and ten things I don't much love that start with G.

LOVE!

1. Grapes. I love the fruit, and I love anything grape-flavored. Popsicles, snocones, juice, kool-aid, jelly, love it all!
2. Guys, particularly the hot kind. No, seriously, it's only been in the last few years that I've started making female friends. Before that, I was always the girl who hung with the guys.
3. Gaffigan, Jim. Is that cheating? I don't think so. I love Jim Gaffigan! His DVDs never fail to make me laugh, and I am still SO SAD that I had to miss seeing him in August due to stupid strep throat.
4. Gel pens. I am so totally that teacher who uses sparkly, colored gel pens to grade papers. Red pens? BORING.
5. Green. Green is not a favorite color, but I love the green of the grass and trees when spring FINALLY comes.
6. Grapes of Wrath. I LOVE John Steinbeck. Like, love him so much that I'd marry him if he weren't so old. And dead. The Grapes of Wrath is one of my favorites, especially the poignant ending.
7. Gauchos. When it's warm, I pretty much live in gauchos at work. They're just dressy enough to wear to work, and they are so comfortable.
8. Games. I am a slave to board games. I can play them all the time, but unfortunately, I can't find someone who wants to play with me ALL THE TIME. In the few days before Luke was born, Shane and I had a Yahtzee tournament. It was such a fun time.
9. Giggles. Oh, I love giggles, especially ones from a baby.
10. Giveaways. Who doesn't love the chance to win something free and fabulous?

NO LOVE!

1. Gelatin. Omg, I abhor Jello. I think it is the grossest thing imaginable. I hate how it tastes, I hate how it jiggles, I hate how it looks, I just hate it! The last time I ate it was years ago, when Shane and I first started dating. We ate dinner at his parents', they made Jello for dessert, and I ate it to be polite.
2. Grapefruit. Grapefruit is the failure of fruits. It tastes like neither grapes nor fruit. It is sour, gross, and too juicy.
3. Gravy. Apparently I hate a lot of G foods. Gravy is gross. I don't eat it on mashed potatoes or turkey or anything. It's brown and sloppy.
4. Gel. I am not a hair gel person. Unless it's really good gel, it makes your hair crunchy. No thanks!
5. Garlic. I like garlic normally, but when I am pregnant, my stomach flips out over garlic. It makes eating out difficult.
6. Groundhogs. Right now, I'm a little ticked at the groundhog for sticking us with six more weeks of winter. Now, I know the groundhog really has nothing to do with it, but I hate winter and want to blame the groundhog.
7. Gel nails. I hope I'm not offending anyone, but I'm just not a fan of the long, very fake looking gel nails that some women sport. Maybe I'm just not girly enough to get it!
8. Granny panties. So not comfortable!
9. G-strings. Also so not comfortable!
10. Gossip. I'll admit that at times, I like a little good gossip as much as the next person. But when gossip gets malicious or blatantly false? I hate it. When gossip hurts? I hate it.

Want to play? Leave me a comment, and I'll give you a letter!

Rub Me The Right Way

I have a confession. When I was pregnant with Luke, I lied about something through my entire pregnancy. I lied about this something because it's basically the pregnant woman party line, and well, I didn't want to let my fellow fecund sisters down. But I don't think I can keep living a lie, so I hope this doesn't get me kicked out of the club. Are you ready for the truth? Can you HANDLE the truth?

I like having my belly touched. I like having it patted and rubbed and ahh'd over. When I was pregnant with Luke, I tried to hate it. I rolled my eyes when people would mention it like I hated it. But I didn't. I couldn't! And so the other day, when I got my first belly touch from the treasurer at work, I had to admit to myself that I really loved it. Granted, I've never had a stranger touch my belly. I can see how that would bug, but really, who likes to be touched by strangers--pregnant or not?

When friends and family touch my stomach, I know they do it out of love. I know they do it because they can't wait to hold this baby, and right now, touching my stomach is the closest they can get. I'm happy to share that with him, but that doesn't mean that I don't understand women who don't like the touching. So instead, if groping pregnant women is what you like, this one is open for business!