Yesterday I walked six miles for March of Dimes. For James and Jake. For Beth. And even though I walked four of those six miles with an ice pack on my back and had to stop to pee TWICE and am now sporting a blister the size of Texas on my toe, I'd do it all again in heartbeat. Hell, I'd walk it in six-inch heels just to let Beth know how much I love and support her.
What I love about Beth is that even though the loss and longing is so evident when she talks about James and Jake, she's never made me feel like I need to hide my pregnancy. In fact, she's never made me feel like she's anything less than happy for me. When I first met her, I had an inkling of a thought that I might be pregnant, but I wasn't sure. The next time I saw her, two weeks later, I knew for sure, but it was too early for me to feel comfortable telling anyone. I was also cognizant of the fact that it'd been almost exactly a year since she first found out she was pregnant with James and Jake. So I didn't say anything. I made up a terribly lame excuse that involved migraine medicine and being unable to mix with medicine. Anyone who knows me knows that I'd only pass up alcohol for pregnancy (it's true, and if anyone wants to bring me a Summer Shandy to the hospital after this baby is born, I'll love you FOREVER), but since I'd only met Beth once before and had never met any of the other girls, I figured I was safe.
The next day, Beth emailed me, and I have to share this part of her email with you (mad props to gmail for saving EVERY email ever sent):
"I do want to go on record saying that I think you are pregnant, but I’m only sharing that with you, nobody else. :) Don't you like the way I slid that in there?"
And so in that way, Beth became one of the first people who knew I was pregnant with this baby. And also in that way, I learned who Beth was. She's taught me that joy and sorrow can be felt together, that in the depth of sadness, you can still find so much beauty in this world. She's taught me to love and treasure EVERY baby kick, even the ones that wake me at 3AM, even the ones that hurt. She's taught me to slow down, pay attention, and never take a moment for granted. I could tell you so much more about Beth, like how she makes me laugh and how yesterday she totally shamed me into getting a frozen hot chocolate (and it was gooooood), but instead, I'll just tell you what you already know: how lucky I am to know her.
Oh, and just because I really like to talk about food, I want you to know that I ended the walk with the best hot dog EVER, which I ate in 2 1/2 bites. I love hot dogs. Did you know that about me? I don't care that they're filled with nitrates and other disgusting things, I LOVE THEM and used to work at a hot dog cart where I would sometimes eat three hot dogs a day and never, ever get sick of them. No lie.