But you don't really care for music, do ya?

As I was stuck in traffic for the zillionth time this month, completely stopped during what should have been a 15 minute drive to school (seriously, I QUIT DRIVING), I became more and more grateful for the technology that allows me to listen to my Ipod while driving.

I am someone who tends to abuse music a bit. And by that I mean that when I like a song, I listen to it OVER AND OVER, until I get to a point where I can't stand the song and no longer like to listen to it. I realize this is ridiculous, but I can't help myself. That said, there are some songs that I could listen to for the rest of my life, without break, and be happy. As I was sitting, I decided that instead of cursing the state of Indiana, I would try to think of the five songs that I could listen to again and again.

The first song is Hallelujah. I realize there are countless covers of this song, but my two favorite versions are Jeff Buckley's and John Cale. Jeff Buckley's is very haunting, while John Cale sounds like he's on the verge of breaking into tears at any moment.
Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Nashville by Liz Phair. This song has touched me since the first time I heard it in middle school. I don't know what it is about this song, but I think it's beautiful. The quality of her voice is very vulnerable in this song, very unlike most Liz Phair songs.
But I can't imagine it in better terms
Than naked, half awake, about to shave and go to work...
And I'm starting to think it could happen to me like it did to you
And I'm starting to actually feel it seep through the
Slick divide now
I don't crack the door too far for anyone who's pushing too hard on me

Time by Tom Waits. I love Tom Waits. I would marry Tom Waits if he promised to sing to me every night.
So put a candle in the window
And a kiss upon his lips
Till the dish outside the window fills with rain
Just like a stranger with the weeds in your heart
And pay the fiddler off till I come back again
And it's Time Time Time
And it's Time Time Time
And it's Time Time Time
That you love

Hold On by Tom Waits. Yeah, I love Tom Waits enough that he makes the list twice! I always listen to this song when times are hard, and I need to be remembered to hold on.
Well, you build it up, you wreck it down
You burn your mansion to the ground
When there's nothing left to keep you here, when
You're falling behind in this
Big blue world
Oh you go to
Hold on, hold on
You got to hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here
You got to hold on

In The Aeroplane Over the Sea by The Neutral Milk Hotel. This song just makes me HAPPY. It has such a fun, upbeat tempo, and when you get down to it, the lyrics really are touching.
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me

I know I said five, but I had a difficult time choosing the last two (probably because I put Tom Waits on here twice), so I'm making the last two interchangable. You know, I'd listen to one for the first half of the rest of my life, and the other for the second half.

Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens. If you've never listened to Sufjan, please do! This particular song is very pretty, in an emotional way, as it talks about the eventual end of love, due to death.
In the morning through the window shade
When the light pressed up against your shoulder blade
I could see what you were reading
Oh the glory that the lord has made
And the complications you could do without
When I kissed you on the mouth


So what are your five (or uhh, six) songs?

"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one."

Last night was delicious. There was a time in my life when describing a night as delicious would've meant naughty, but that time has passed. No, last night, we SLEPT. All.night.LONG! It was wonderful and amazing and how I have missed sleep. It was unseasonably cool last night, so we opened all the windows, which I know helped with Luke's cough. We had to close our window at 10:30 when some idiot started shooting off fireworks, but we were able to keep Luke's window open, as well as the other upstairs' windows. There is nothing I love better than sleeping when it is cool, piled under three or four blankets.

And sleep we did! Until 5:30, when Luke woke up, came into our bed, nursed, and FELL BACK ASLEEP until 8. Even if it was a fluke, I feel amazing today. The best part of it is that for the first time in a month, Luke is acting like Luke. He didn't wake up crabby, he hasn't been mean or thrown a temper tantrum, he's just played and ran and giggled. More than us, he needed this night of sleep. The only downside to today is that I have to go into work for three hours of curriculum work. The plus to this is that my department chair just had a baby girl earlier this month, so I am crossing my fingers that she brings her along. And needs someone to hold her most of those three hours. Holding a baby could salvage the fact that I have to work over the summer, but really, with a full night of sleep behind me, I feel ready to take on the work!



My happy boy, and me with a double chin that I SWEAR does not exist in real life, yet always seems to jump into photos

June swoon

June has not been nearly as relaxing as I'd imagined, to say the least. In May, I pictured waking up at 6 or 6:30, going for a run, then spending the rest of the day with Shane and Luke, doing something fun.

Instead, June kicked off with Luke coming down with the croup, which means that we haven't had a restful night since May. We've exhausted every remedy for the croup, but he's still waking up every night coughing. To say it's getting tiring would be an understatement, but I realized today that I need to put it all in perspective. When I'm back at work, I'll be looking back wistfully at these days, despite the lack of sleep and the worry about Luke's health. When August 18th rolls around, I will no longer be able to lounge about in my bikini, sipping a sangria.

Not if I value my job, that is.

Why I do what I do

There are times when teaching can be an eternally frustrating profession. 8th graders, by and large, are not a gracious group, and they are just as quick to flip you off behind your back as they are to smile at you. There are days, okay weeks, when I wonder why I do this, what would drive me to CHOOSE this as the grade I teach (because yes, I graduated college wanting to teach middle school), such as the day that I had a kid swear at me, then not only walk out of my room, but actually LEAVE school grounds. But mostly, I understand that I do what I do because I feel like there are kids who do need me, and I want to be there for them. And the rare time that one of those kids says thanks, it makes all the other crap that comes along with teaching fade into the background. This morning, I logged onto Myspace to find a message from one of last year's students. [Sidenote: Yes, I do let my students add me after the school year is over. While there are two schools of thought on this, I feel that there are times when kids need an adult to reach out to, but feel they can't to their parents...so I like that I can there for them via the internet.] This boy was, wow, one of my favorites. He had a dry sense of humor above what you usually find in an 8th grader, and he was just a joy to have in class, in that he kept me on my toes. Unfortunately, he was for whatever reason, a target of the popular kids to bully. While we kept an eye on it best we could, he would never give us any information to get anyone in trouble.
On the last day of school, during 9th hour, I was hanging out in the office, bothering the secretaries (because I had the super sweet last hour prep, which I will miss so much next year!), when this boy came into the office, almost in tears. He told the secretary that someone stole his yearbook. She went back to the admin, but they were both busy (discipline was insane at the end of the year), so she just told him, Sorry, you'll have to get it back yourself. I stood up and said, C'mon, let's go get your yearbook back. I found the boy who had it, thought about reading him the riot act, but then realized that school was over in 20 minutes, and he knew as well as I did that there wasn't much I could do to punish him, I gave the book back to Tyler, who made me swear that I wouldn't make the boy come apologize to him.

Today, Tyler sent me this (& please ignore the spelling and grammar! It embarasses me as their English teacher, but they forget everything I taught them while on the internet):
"i never really got to thank you for standing up and getting my yearbook back when no 1 else would... it really means alot to me.
i had a great year and will miss you and i hope you feel the same so have a great summer"

Yes, this is why I do what I do.

Three years ago today...

I married my best friend. And as cheesy and cliche as that sounds, it's true.

After we got married and fell comfortably into the routine of us, I didn't think I could love him any more than I already did. After all, I loved him a LOT, and I didn't think my heart could get any fuller.
But then there was Luke...

And the man who said we had to have a doula not just because I wanted a natural childbirth, but because he didn't think he could handle the "ick" of childbirth, found out that when it's your wife and your child, the ick isn't so much ick afterall. Of course, we love our doula and wouldn't have had a birth without her there, but my squeamish husband was pretty amazing, too.

The moment Luke was born, he was in love. Luke did not leave his sight for one second, so much so that my mom had to gently remind him that he did still have a wife as well, and maybe he should go give me a kiss, too. But oh, my heart GREW that day. It grew not only for Luke, but for my love of Shane as a daddy. As an amazing Daddy. Still, every day, when I see him playing with Luke or reading with Luke or gently kissing his forehead when he thinks I'm not looking...my heart bursts and grows a little bigger. Who knew you could love this much?

So now, three years later, I have this absolutely amazing little family, and still, I can't help but feel that the best is yet to come.

The silliness

Even though he, in two seconds flat, destroyed all the clothes I'd just put away, I couldn't help but laugh at the little character who took every single piece of clothing out of his dresser, all the while deciding that he needed to wear a hat while doing so.

Cartastrophe

I feel that my husband and I should no longer be allowed to travel by car, as we seem to bring mishaps wherever we travel.

It all began in May, when Shane drove my car to work one day. I took my main set of keys, since it has all of my work keys on it, and he took the spare key. Through some manner of circumstances, Shane managed to lock the keys in the car, while the car was still running, at Luke's sitter's house. Oh, and did I mention that Luke was still in his carseat? Shane did the logical thing and called the police, only to be told, "Oh, we don't unlock cars." Shane said, I understand that you can't unlock every car, but my son is in his carseat! At this point, the dispatcher started yelling at him, asking how old Luke was, and so on. Shane finally said, Listen, if you're not going to help me, I really need to get off the phone and call someone who will. Like, thanks so much, lady. I understand there are policies in place, and it is probably a liability thing to not unlock cars, but I just thought they made exceptions for kids in the car? At any rate, he then called the main office at my school, and the secretary called me in, saying my husband was on the phone and it was an emergency. Oh, how those words make your heart race! So, to make a long story short, my principal is awesome and got someone to cover my class while I raced to the sitter's. When I got there, Shane was drinking coffee, and Luke was bopping around in his carseat, happily listening to the radio. Shane somehow managed to blame this on my car, and he spent a few days cursing my car, but I feel it was more of a user error!

Our next instance of CARtastrophe (please tell me I should copyright this awesome term) was completely out of control, but still a huge annoyance. Shane got out of school a week before I did, and one day, he decided that he and Luke would go to Barnes & Noble and Toys 'R Us before Luke's nap (if you're thinking the toy store stop was for Luke, you're thinking wrong). At 10AM, Shane pulled onto I65, thinking Luke would be home in time for nap. At 10:15, traffic came to a complete standstill, due to a Greyhound bus flipping over and spilling diesel fuel all over the highway. FORTUNATELY, no one was seriously hurt in this accident, but unfortunately for Shane, southbound I65 was closed for three hours. Yes, he had to sit for three hours in the car with a (then) 15-month old. I am pretty sure that after one hour, I would've been pounding my fists on the pavement, shouting GET ME OUT OF HERE, but luckily, my husband is a calmer person than I. He said the first hour was okay, that they stood on the side of the road and looked at the big trucks. But then, it started to rain, and they were stuck inside the car for two hours. Shane did have snacks and milk, but he did not have diapers (oh, and he also pointed out that he does not lactate, which he thinks puts him at a disadvantage). He did have a newspaper, so when poor Luke started to wet through his diaper, he got to sit on the newspaper. Finally, Shane and Luke arrived home at a little after 1, meaning that a 20-25 minute trip turned into THREE hours.

After this, Shane gets a little twitchy at the thought of traffic. When we embarked upon our trip to visit my sister and her family in Cincinnati this weekend, I thought we'd have no traffic troubles. Ha! Three miles from our exit onto the interstate that would take us into Ohio, traffic came to a halt. At first it creeped, then it stopped. Luke was passed out in the backseat, chilling to the Rockabye Baby! lullaby renditions of The Cure (awesome, by the way!), but I knew that wouldn't last long in a stopped car. And it didn't. He quickly started to melt down, Shane climbed into the backseat, and I stared in despair at the clock, as I realized that at the point that we should've reached our destination, we were STILL sitting on the interstate. It took us TWO hours to go three miles, simply because the state of Indiana thought it'd be a genius idea to suddenly turn three lanes of traffic into one, with virtually no warning. In case you're wondering, it was NOT a genius idea.

On the way home today, we scouted out a way that would take us through little to no construction areas, so you would think that it'd be a smooth trip. Instead, we came full circle on our little cartastrophe business. Yes, that's right, we locked the keys in the car! Luke fell to sleep shortly after leaving my sister's, and he had just begun to stir south of Indianapolis, so we decided to stop at a winery that has always intrigued us. We figured Luke could stretch his legs for half an hour, eat some cheese and summer sausage, and we could buy a few bottles of wine. Simple, right? We stepped out of the car, and I handed Shane my purse with the keys in it. See, I was wearing excercise shorts with no pockets. I handed him my purse because I needed to get Luke's shoes out of the trunk. As I stepped out of the car, I hit the door lock, as is a force of habit for me. Shane got Luke out of the carseat, closed the door, and I put on his shoes. I then said, Okay, where's my purse? Shane said, Oh, it's on the floor in the backseat, sorry. I said, IT'S ON THE FLOOR!? BUT THE KEYS WERE IN THERE OMG THE KEYS ARE IN THE CAR NOT AGAINNNNNNNNNNN. Or something along those lines.:) We had a few seconds of just staring at each other, when Shane said he was going to break the window. I told him that he was insane, that we'd go inside like we'd planned, and call a locksmith. It turned out that the owner of the winery is a retired police officer, so he initially tried to break into my car with his lock out kit, but he couldn't do it. I've heard that newer cars with automatic locks are hard to get into, so we called a locksmith. While we waited, we sampled nearly every wine they had (at least, I sampled all of the sweet ones while Shane went for the dry ones!), Luke snacked on summer sausage and cheese and played with the owner's in-laws, who have grandchildren around Luke's age. All in all, of all the places to have to wait for a locksmith, a winery was not a bad place! We felt so indebted to their kindness, as they went above and beyond to make our waiting time comfortable, that we bought seven bottles of wine. Well, and also, they had amazing wine, so if you live in the area, please check them out!

And after this last incident, I will now be getting a spare key surgically attached to my body!

Sweet, sweet summer

While playing the random blog surfing game, I came across this summertime meme that somehow seemed much more fulfilling than tackling the pile of clean laundry behind me.

There are many things that I love about summer, so coming up with a top ten list was no problem!

1. I'm a teacher, so it should go without saying that I love having summers off. I work hard for nine months, so I feel like I deserve this break. Even better, my husband is a teacher, so we get to enjoy two blissful months of no work!

2. BARE FEET. I love going barefoot. I eschew shoes as often as possible, and when I have to wear them, flip flops all the way.

3. Tank tops! I own Old Navy tanktops in nearly every color of the rainbow, and believe me, they get plenty of wear.

4. I recently bought a super hot PINK Schwinn bike, which is getting plenty of use in the warmer weather. We have been biking around the neighborhood, to the grocery store, you name it, we're there on our two wheels.

5. Luke has loved water from the start (could be the hours I spent laboring in a tub!), so the chance to take him to the beach, waterpark, or pool is always fun.

6. Somehow, life seems better in the summer. Even if you're doing something mundane, like work (not for me, ha!), a dentist appointment, WHATEVER, it always seems easier when greeted by the warm summer sun.

7. Freckles! When I was younger, I hated my freckles, but now, I've come to love the smattering of freckles on my cheeks and shoulders caused by my Irish blood reacting with the sun. My 2nd grade teacher said that each freckle represents a kiss from an angel before you were born, and I like that thought.

8. We always plan trips over the summer, as we are both of work. I so look forward to visiting family and friends.

9. Oh, the beautiful flowers. I have hanging baskets and flowers planted. Pulling into my driveway to see the beautiful flowers always makes me smile.

10. Did I mention that I don't have to work?

The joys of nursing a toddler

When Luke finished nursing this morning, he looked up at me and said, "Mmmm, num num milk!"

I could not wish for anything more than what we have now.

When worlds collide

As a teacher, I some times run into students outside of school. There are times when I duck my head and think, Please don't see me, like the time I was enjoying a giant margarita at Don Pablo's. Mostly, though, I smile, say hi, exchange brief chit-chat, then go along my way. I also always hope that I don't get the inevitable parent question of, "Can you tell me his/her grade?" because they, much like their child, don't realize that teachers actually do NOT have a gradebook microchip implanted in our brains. Imagine! But what really amuses me at seeing students in public is the way they blink at you in shock, as if they can't conceptualize that you have a life OUTSIDE of the school building. I once ran into a student at the grocery store, and he stared at me with his jaw practically dropped. I said hi, he mumbled hi, then the next day at school, he said, "What were YOU doing at the grocery store?" The temptation to say, "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," was strong, but I just smiled and said, "I was buying milk." Now, keep in mind, I don't teach elementary school. These are 8th graders reacting with shock and surprise at the mere suggestion of me being outside of their school world.

I've always wondered when kids develop this way of thinking. For example, do kindergartners express shock at seeing a teacher outside of school, or do they just accept it? I received an answer to this question last night when we ran into Luke's sitter and her husband at a local restaurant. We chose to sit in the rooftop dining area because it was such a beautiful night, plus my sometimes loud toddler would be less likely to bother other diners up there. As it turned out, we were the only ones up there for most of our meal, until we heard other people coming upstairs. Lo and behold, it was Luke's sitter and her husband, so we breathed a sigh of relief that Luke's squeals certainly wouldn't bother THEM. Upon seeing them, Luke shoved his plate of food away, folded his hands in his lap, and sat there very stoically, refusing to crack a smile. This is very unusual for Luke, who loves his sitter so much that he will sometimes try to go to her or her husband when I come to pick him up at night--thanks, Luke! They stood and chatted for about five minutes before taking the table next to us, the entire time Luke did not crack one smile. After they sat down, he continued to sneak furtive glances at them for about half an hour, until finally, he started grinning and placed a tater tot on his head. Ahh, that's the boy I know and love! At that point, it struck me that he just could not place what they were doing at the restaurant, the same restaurant where he was eating with Mama, Daddy, Papa, and Grammy, when he only ever sees them at their house. That at least answered my question of whether the sense of placement begins at a young age, but I wonder now, when does that shock wear off? Does it ever? As adults, do we not ever express surprise at it being "a small world, can't believe I an into you here?" Sure, we handle it better than children, but it seems like we still place people in certain roles and expect them to always be in that role.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to crawl back into my classroom and hibernate until August 18th.